


to love and be loved

by geborgenheit



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Developing Friendships, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, pls read the t/w thank u, there are upsetting themes in this story, yes all the generic ships are here im sorry kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2019-07-05 23:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 76,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15873984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geborgenheit/pseuds/geborgenheit
Summary: “I wish I had you sooner,” Minho whispered.“You have me now,” Jisung whispered back.“Please don’t run away, Jisung. Please don’t disappear.”“I won’t.”or: Minho and Jisung find out what it's like to love and be loved in return— and maybe fall in love in the process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello this is my first stray kids au i hope u like it. im sorry its messy and not good lol irdk how to write im sorry

Lee Minho woke up this morning feeling like shit again. It was 4:27 AM, three minutes earlier than his alarm. It was always like this; he would wake up minutes before he actually needed to. He liked it, though. Having a few minutes to himself before actually having to start the day at half past four in the morning—before having to do the same old things he did every single day—felt nice. Still lying in bed, Minho closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and, before he could even start thinking about stuff, it was already time to get up.

The usual start to Minho’s day was a run. He would wash his face, put on some work out clothes, and head out without anybody noticing. Once outside, he'd feel the soft, cool breeze of the morning air on his face. He'd let the wind ruffle his uncombed hair while he would stare up at the sky, where the dark of night and the light of day would be fighting for dominance. By the time Minho would get back from his run, the sun would almost already be up and shining.

For some, it might be such a trivial thing, but for Minho, this was one of the few things that still made him look forward to everyday, no matter how repetitive it got. Another one was uni. Minho really liked going to uni, not because he actually liked attending his classes and studying, but because he would get to see his friends.

 

***

 

“Good morning!” a voice from Minho's back cheerfully greeted. Somehow the voice seemed vaguely familiar, but he didn’t even bother looking. Surely it was just another college kid in need of caffeine, no matter how cheerful he tried to appear, Minho thought, and allowed himself a little smirk.

Every morning, Minho would go to this cafe near his school to get his usual iced americano, except today he was running exceptionally late and there were only fifteen minutes left until his 7-am-class.

“Iced americano,” said the voice at exactly the same time Minho did. They were standing beside each other now, he'd noticed. He glanced sideways at the cheerful spirit.

Standing beside Minho was a boy maybe an inch shorter than him. The boy looked vaguely familiar as well, with his dark brown hair and slightly chubby cheeks, his mouth slightly open as he was placing his order. The boy must have noticed Minho looking at him because he suddenly looked at him too and offered him a warm smile. Minho smiled slightly in return, something he usually wouldn’t do towards strangers. There was just something about this boy and his warm welcoming smile. It was contagious, Minho guessed.

“Here’s your order, Sir,” the barista called Minho’s attention. Picking up his coffee from the counter, he'd moved to go out of the line before realizing he'd left the food he ordered. He turned around to go back and—

The cup of coffee the other boy was barely holding fell as Minho accidentally bumped into him.

“Oh shit!” the boy exclaimed just as the cup made contact with the cafe’s tiled floor.

“Shit. I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t—”

“It’s okay,” the boy cut him off, “I wasn’t looking, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not,” Minho almost laughed. How could the other male say it was okay? If it were Minho, he would have been pissed.

Minho looked at the spilled coffee on the ground, thankful it didn’t spill on both their clothes and shoes because for some stupid reason they were both wearing white shirts and white shoes. Then he looked up and saw the boy’s face more clearly. He looked young, Minho thought, maybe he was a freshman like Jeongin. His hair was parted to the side, exposing his forehead, and his cheeks appeared chubbier from the front. Maybe he’d seen him with Jeongin before, maybe that was why he looked a bit familiar. What took Minho by surprise, though, was the fact that the boy was still smiling at him. Why was he not mad?

For a while Minho just stared at the other boy with a puzzled look. “I—” he didn’t know what to say. Why was this boy whose coffee Minho spilled giving him a warm, albeit shy, smile this early in the morning?

“Just, uh,” the boy said timidly. He was avoiding Minho’s eyes, “please call someone to clean this up, maybe? I really have to go.”

“Here,” Minho handed the boy his own drink. “Take this.”

The boy stared at the coffee in Minho’s hand, as if not comprehending what was happening. It took him a few seconds to realize Minho was giving him his drink.

“I haven’t touched that yet, don’t worry,” Minho added.

“Oh, worm?” the boy answered.

Minho stared at the boy quizzically. “Worm?”

As if just realizing what he'd just said, the boy cleared his throat, “No, sorry, I mean—okay—” He took the coffee from Minho’s hand. “Thanks, Minho-ssi!”

Minho was taken aback. Did this guy just call him by his first name? Minho was too shocked to even notice him leaving hurriedly to catch up with three other people outside the cafe.

A second later, Minho’s phone started ringing and he was startled from his thoughts. Hyunjin was calling.

“Yes?” Minho answered.

“Where are you? Aren’t you coming to class?”

“I am. I’m just getting coffee.”

“This late?”

“Yes, Hyunjin. A man needs his coffee.”

"Whatever—" in his mind, Minho could've sworn he saw his friend rolling his eyes "—anyway, luck’s on your side today, Mr. Lee, our prof’s gonna be late. Hurry up and get me a donut or something."

“Gotta go. Bye.”

"My donut—"

Minho hung up the phone before Hyunjin could even finish his sentence and asked for someone to clean up the mess before ordering another cup of coffee for himself. It took a few minutes to get his order done but as soon as he got it, he rushed outside and went straight to his class.

It was only seven in the morning and the day had already been the least predictable among all the other days, Minho thought. 

 

When Minho got to his classroom, his two best friends were already seated beside each other in their usual seats at the very back. Hwang Hyunjin was on his phone, probably texting his boyfriend, and Lee Felix was staring at something—or, more likely, at someone. Minho sat down beside Hyunjin and greeted them a good morning.

Hyunjin and Felix were both sophomores taking up economics. Minho had met them in a PE class a year ago. It was a dance class and they had been grouped together for their final performance; luckily they were all good dancers so they had no problem with anything. The two also loved dancing as much as Minho did, maybe even more, and he guessed that had helped them grow closer. Even after that semester was over, they still met up a few times. At first they'd just met up to go to dance studios, but eventually they'd met up to go to movies, cafes, malls, or just to hang out at Hyunjin’s house. They were the first actual friends Minho had ever made in his entire college career, and he was really thankful.

“He’s so cute,” Felix sighed. Exactly how many times he'd already said it, though, Minho had lost count. Felix had been telling Hyunjin and him this every time they see each other, which was literally everyday.

“Yes, Felix, we get it. You’re in love with Seo Changbin,” Hyunjin teased their friend.

Usually, Minho would just sigh at how Felix would react to Hyunjin’s teasing because usually, Felix would just be embarrassed and would deny being in love with Changbin. Usually, Felix wouldn’t reply with, “I guess I am,” with a dreamy sigh, and usually, Minho wouldn’t choke on his coffee.

“I wasn’t expecting that,” said Seungmin, who had arrived unnoticed while Minho was busy choking on his coffee while Hyunjin was laughing at him. Hyunjin stopped laughing as soon as he saw Seungmin to give him a hug, though. Minho thought it was cute, although he would never admit it to anyone.

Kim Seungmin was in the same year as Hyunjin and Felix, taking up a degree in psychology. Minho had met him through Hyunjin. Apparently, the two had been dating since they were in high school, even though they went to different schools. Since Minho had been hanging out a lot with Hyunjin, he and Seungmin eventually got to know each other and became friends. Seungmin was a nice and thoughtful person, Minho thought. Much like him, Seungmin would remember birthdays and random details his friends would mention during conversations, which was one of the things he liked the most about Seungmin. Minho was really happy for his two friends and hoped they end up together as long as they were still happy.

“Wait, who’s Changbin again?” asked Minho.

“Wow,” answered Hyunjin. “I mean, I knew you couldn’t care less about people, but I thought you at least cared about Felix and his lovelife.”

“I do care about Felix,” Minho put down his coffee and explained. “Not much about his lovelife, though, because, unlike you, I respect his privacy. And I know who Changbin is, Felix literally talks about him everyday. I just don’t remember his face.”

Hyunjin was about to respond but thankfully Seungmin was faster, “First row, fifth seat from the right.”

“Oh. No wonder I can’t remember his face.”

A boy with dark hair, wearing a black shirt, was seated in front. He was sitting beside another boy who also had dark hair but was wearing a white shirt. That was all Minho could make out of Seo Changbin from his view; both he and the boy beside him had their backs towards Minho and his group of friends.

“Have you even talked to him?” Minho asked.

“Yeah.”

“Really? When?”

“About a month ago, maybe? We—”

“A month ago?” Hyunjin butt in. “You talked to him a month ago and now you’re in love?”

“I was gonna say we’ve been texting since then and we’ve hung out a few times.”

“And you never told us?” Hyunjin sounded genuinely hurt, Minho almost felt sorry.

“We’re not entitled to Felix’s affairs, Hyunjin,” Minho said. “Privacy’s important.”

“Whatever,” Hyunjin rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. “I’m kidding. Sorry, Felix, I do understand we can get too prying sometimes but—”

“Just  _ you _ ,” whispered Seungmin, which earned him a look from his boyfriend. “Sorry.”

“Anyway, I’m curious about one thing,” Hyunjin continued, smiling widely, “did he get your number or did you get his number?”

“No,” Yang Jeongin, who had just arrived as well, said while putting his bag down. He settled down beside Seungmin. “I got him Changbin-hyung’s number.”

“What?” Seungmin and Hyunjin said at the same time.

“How?” asked Minho. He handed Jeongin the food he bought at the cafe, which he had almost forgotten there earlier.

“No, hyung,” said Hyunjin, “not how but why. Why do you always give Jeongin food? You’ve never given me food before. Where's my donut?”

“Giving you food won’t bring me joy.”

It was true, though, however strange it might sound. Being able to give Jeongin food made Minho really happy. It gave him a sense that there was actually something he could do to make the few people he cared about satisfied and happy. It had only been over a month since Minho had met Jeongin, and normally it would take years before Minho even considered talking to anyone, yet this child who looked so innocent and pure stirred something inside of him. A sense of protectiveness, Minho guessed. Maybe he wanted to protect this child, whose smile was so bright, from the cruelty of this world.

“Ouch,” Felix said to Hyunjin.

“Thanks,” Jeongin smiled widely at Minho. “I’d get you someone’s number, too, but I don’t think you even know anyone else here.”

“Ouch,” Felix said again, this time directed at Minho.

“I’m telling Changbin-ssi,” as he said this, Minho made a move as if to get up, and Felix was about to jump and grab him while yelling out “Hyung!” but their professor arrived and gave them a stern look, which made them both stand straight and say, “Sorry.” before sitting down. Seungmin, Hyunjin, and Jeongin were all snickering.

People probably judged him, Minho thought, because his only friends were all younger than him. He couldn’t  even care less, though. They were some of the people who genuinely made Minho happy. Maybe he would even go as far as say that they were actually the only people who genuinely made him happy.

 

The class went by uneventfully, aside from Hyunjin almost falling asleep twice that Minho made him drink the rest of his coffee. Minho found the lesson pretty interesting, though; he wasn't sure how Hyunjin could've even fallen asleep. He looked in front of him and saw Seungmin skillfully jotting down notes. Beside Seungmin, Jeongin was taking notes, too, though not as skillfully; Minho noticed unfinished sentences on his notebook. He smiled to himself. These were his simple joys in life: just being around the people he cared about, noticing little details here and there.

“Yes, Lee Minho-ssi,” the professor suddenly called. All eyes, except his friends’, were now on him. How the professor even knew his name, Minho was left to wonder. He didn't think professors even bothered to remember students in their general education classes. “Among all these raised hands I see yours isn’t raised, so would you mind answering my question?”

Minho looked up from Jeongin’s notebook and noticed Seungmin putting down his right hand. Of course Seungmin had wanted to voice out his thoughts but the professor chose to call on Minho. He let out a sigh and looked at the front where his professor was standing, but not before he noticed a familiar smile.

The boy he, quite literally, bumped into this morning was looking at him, wearing the same warm smile. Minho now realized why the boy looked familiar; they were classmates. Beside the boy with the warm smile was a boy with a cold stare and dark hair, wearing a black shirt, and whose chin was slightly pointed—Seo Changbin—who also suddenly smiled so bright it took Minho by surprise. He looked away from the two and stole a glance at Felix, who was smiling just as brightly.  _ Oh _ .

Just then, the professor cleared his throat. Minho looked his professor in the eye and answered the question dryly. Why he had to do it, he didn’t kno, he also didn’t care, but the professor seemed satisfied and went back to his lecture. The discussion would've been a lot less dry if the professor had just called on Seungmin.

Twenty minutes, and a few more nudges at Hyunjin to wake him up, later, the class was dismissed and everyone started to get up.

“Felix—” Hyunjin was about to say something but stopped because, all of a sudden, Seo Changbin was there in front of Felix. All four of them were staring at the two. Minho noticed Changbin was holding an unfinished cup of coffee just like the one he was holding.

“Hi,” Changbin greeted them. Jeongin was the only one who greeted him back. They’d probably made an impression that they were a bunch of snobs, Minho thought, aside from Jeongin, of course. Felix glanced at his friends once and made eye contact with Minho before greeting Changbin. Minho knew right away what Felix wanted to say.

“Let’s go,” Minho said, putting his arm around Jeongin’s shoulders. Seungmin was the first one to catch up to what was happening; he took Hyunjin’s hand and said to Felix, “See you later.” Minho waved his hand to say goodbye and swore he saw Felix sigh in relief when Seungmin dragged Hyunjin away, although Hyunjin was still staring at Changbin on his way out.

On their way out, they passed by the boy—Changbin’s friend, Minho assumed—leaning against the wall near the door. Jeongin smiled and waved at him, and he smiled back heartily in return. He probably noticed the rest of them looking at him too and his smile faltered a bit. He looked away as they went out the door.

“Do you know everyone?” Hyunjin asked Jeongin as soon as they got out of the room. He was walking hand in hand with Seungmin as they made their way through the corridor, while his other hand carried Seungmin’s textbooks.

“Don’t you know anyone else aside from us?” Jeongin answered.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware I was supposed to know who those two were.”

“We know Seo Changbin, though,” said Seungmin. “I mean, not personally, but we still kinda do.”

“Yeah, but that’s just because Felix talks about him all the time.”

“Hyunjin,” Minho sighed, “this is a big university. We can’t possibly know everyone."

“Minho-hyung,” Hyunjin sighed as well, copying Minho’s tone. “Just because you literally don’t know anyone else, doesn’t mean we all don't.”

“Touche,” was all Minho could say. He didn’t really bother memorizing people’s names. Aside from professors and a few of his batchmates, he didn’t really know anyone else aside from his four friends. Yes, he did recognize some people, but he just couldn’t bother remembering their names unless they were relevant to his everyday life. He knew it was bad, but it was just how he was. He had practiced apathy for as long as he could remember, it had been a coping mechanism ever since.

“Why do you know them, though?” Seungmin asked Jeongin. Minho could tell Seungmin was genuinely curious, and if he were being honest, he himself was a little curious as well.

“They hang out a lot with one of my professors—well, technically he’s still an instructor, but that’s besides the point,” Jeongin explained. “Anyway, Jisung-hyung—the other guy—is from my college. Changbin-hyung’s from engineering, I think, and they hang out a lot along with this other professor, or instructor, whatever.”

“Interesting,” Hyunjin was nodding when he answered. “How’d you get his number, though?”

“Oh, that? I asked him, of course.”

Minho, Seungmin, and Hyunjin all stopped to look at Jeongin, all somehow too surprised at hearing he even knew how to get someone's number.

“What?” Jeongin continued walking. “Don’t act too surprised. They’re nice people.”

“Changbin-ssi looked scary, though,” Hyunjin said absentmindedly.

“So did Minho-hyung,” countered Jeongin, before adding, “no offense,” to which Minho replied with, “None taken.”

The rest of the three were probably talking about how they found Minho scary as well, but he was now busy thinking back to the time he first saw the boy—Jisung—or at least he tried to think back. The only moment he could think about was earlier that day, when he heard this familiar cheerful voice at the cafe ordering coffee and a bunch of sandwiches.

Why hadn't he noticed that warm smile before?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp i hope u liked it i guess???


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!!!!! aaaabsjs heres the second chapter. updates will be inconsistent after this im sorry

“I’m such an idiot,” Han Jisung exclaimed. As soon as Lee Minho’s name came out of his mouth earlier, his face had turned so red, he had to get out of that cafe as fast as he could without embarrassing himself even more. Thankfully, Minho was probably too weirded out to notice. Whether that was a good or bad thing, Jisung didn't really know.

“ _ We been knew, sis _ ,” a guy with a thick australian accent mocked him. Bang Chan was a fresh-graduate, who was so good at his field of study, he was already accepted into a teaching position in their university. Him, Jisung, and Changbin—one of the two other guys with them—had been friends since they were kids and considered themselves lucky enough to have been able to go to college together, even if it weren't for the entirety of Jisung's stay. He took the bag of food from Jisung and started distributing the sandwiches.

“I thought I asked for a chicken sandwich,” Kim Woojin sighed as Chan handed him a ham sandwich instead. Woojin was a music major, just like Jisung, but he was in the same year as Chan and just like him, Woojin was also already an instructor in the university.

Jisung couldn’t care less about sandwiches, though. At that moment, all he could think about was how weirded out Lee Minho, a senior business administration student who was in one of Jisung’s classes—the class he was headed to with Changbin right now—who also happened to be Jisung’s crush for more than a year now, would be because he called him by his first name.

“It’s normal to know your classmates’ names, right?” Jisung asked his friends. “I mean, we were classmates once.”

“No,” Changbin answered. “It’s not normal unless you’re batchmates, or you’re in high school.” He took a sip from his iced americano. And spit it out. “Why is this so bitter?”

“That’s Lee Minho's coffee.” Jisung answered.

“Oh.” Changbin took a bite from his own sandwich. “I don’t know why I’m drinking Lee Minho’s coffee right now but anyway, it’s not like you don’t know everyone’s name.”

“Kinda weird, actually,” Chan butt in, “but also shows how much you care about other people, I guess.”

“You care too much,” Woojin told Jisung, putting his arm around the younger one’s shoulders. “That could be a burden sometimes. Anyway, you owe me a chicken sandwich. Bye!”

“Kinda _emo_ stuff this early in the morning?” Jisung called out, “Why am I friends with you guys?”

“No one else wants to be your friend,” Chan said as he bid the two students goodbye as well.

“Guess so,” Jisung whispered under his breath. He intended for it to be low enough that only he could hear; unfortunately, Changbin heard him.

“You do know he’s kidding, right?” Changbin sounded... worried. What was with Jisung’s friends? Why were they saying weird, emo stuff at barely seven in the morning? As if his day did not start out embarrassing enough.

“Please stop,” pleaded Jisung, “or else I'm gonna puke.”

“I’m definitely gonna puke, Jisung, this coffee tastes like shit.”

“You’ve drunk half of it, though,” Jisung pointed out. He took a bite off his own sandwich and ate quietly as he and Changbin made their way to their class.

 

As soon as they'd arrived in their classroom, one of their classmates—Jeno, Jisung recalled his name—announced that their professor would arrive a bit late. The two friends went to their usual spot near the front and sat down. Jisung took out his notebook to try to study. He was about to ask Changbin about the previous lesson when he saw the notification on his friend’s phone.

“Oh my god, since when have you two been texting?” Jisung asked his friend, just loud enough so nobody else would hear besides the two of them. He was grinning widely. He knew Changbin had always had a thing for Lee Felix, one of their classmates in this English Literature class.

“Perhaps, a little privacy?” Changbin replied dramatically, putting his phone to his chest to hide it from Jisung’s view.

Jisung raised his hands in mock defeat. “Sorry. I was gonna ask you something else but I accidentally saw that. So?”

“What do you mean, so?”

“So, since when? You never told me you finally got his number.”

“I don’t need to tell you anything, though.”

“I know,” Jisung sighed. “Sorry. I thought you would’ve at least told me.”

“Dude, I was kidding. And to answer your question, a few weeks ago.”

“Oh. That’s the longest you’ve been talking to someone, right? If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you actually like him. I hope you don’t ghost him, though. He seems nice.”

“What? I don’t ghost people!” Changbin hit Jisungs arm playfully, but still hard enough to actually hurt.

“Ow! Okay, okay, you little shit. Stop being violent.”

Just then, Changbin’s phone lit up again and Jisung saw Felix’s name on the screen. He rolled his eyes and pretended to vomit. Changbin slapped his arm again and told him to, “Go study.”

Jisung flipped his notebook to his latest notes and attempted to study, except he couldn’t even read his own penmanship. He decided to just put his head down on his notebook and hoped to transfer all the information he wrote down hurriedly into his brain. Or alternatively, he laid down his head on his desk and took a nap.

Around twenty minutes later, Jisung felt a slight shake. At first he thought he was dreaming, then he heard a familiar voice, “Wake the fuck up. I told you to study, not to sleep. Wake up.” It was Changbin, trying to wake him up. Their professor had already arrived. Jisung stood up straight as soon as he realized he wasn't dreaming, his head hurting from waking up too suddenly. He took a sip from Changbin’s—or Minho’s—coffee and almost choked. It really was bitter. Minho drank this shit everyday?

 

Nothing extremely exciting happened during class today, Jisung thought. The only highlight being when the professor suddenly called on Minho and as he was about to look out front, he briefly made eye contact with Jisung. Jisung almost panicked and ran out of the room, thinking what if Minho recognized him, the weird kid who knew his name.  _ He probably thinks I’m a stalker _ , he thought. Except, that moment had been too brief, Jisung was convinced Minho couldn't care less about him and his spilled coffee. And that when Minho’s gaze landed on Changbin, it stayed there a teeny bit longer than it was supposed to. Jisung would never admit it because it was so petty, but he felt a pang of jealousy.

Still, Jisung smiled at Lee Minho, who happened to have answered the question perfectly as he always did. Sadly, he also happened to not have noticed Jisung’s encouraging smile.  _ He doesn’t need my smile, anyway _ , Jisung thought.

After that, the class went by so boringly, Jisung would have fallen asleep had Changbin not slapped his thigh, and almost made him scream, and then a few more minutes passed by and the class was finally over.

Jisung had been busy fixing his things that he didn’t notice Changbin getting up and walking towards the back of the room. When he turned to look beside him, Changbin was gone and was already in front of Felix and his group of friends, so Jisung stood up from his seat, took his bag, and decided to wait for his friend by the door. Not long after, the group of friends were already walking towards the door, too. Jisung thought Changbin and Felix would be with them but they were left standing in front of each other at the same spot.

As the group got nearer to where Jisung stood, Yang Jeongin—who was a part of Felix and Minho’s tight group of five along with Hwang Hyunjin, who was very popular, and Kim Seungmin, who was very smart (and was also seemingly dragging Hyunjin out of the room)—smiled and waved at him. He smiled widely at the freshman. He was about to say something in the lines of see you later, but as soon as he noticed the other three looking at him, he immediately looked away. He was thankful they walked past him quickly.

Jisung wasn’t sure why, but he felt embarrassed when they looked at him earlier. Especially Minho. Not to be too dramatic, but Jisung thought Lee Minho’s eyes were like arrows piercing through his deepest thoughts, which would've been okay if Jisung’s thoughts weren't all just song lyrics and daydreams. Leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes, put on his earphones, and let the music drown out everything else.

When Jisung opened his eyes again, the classroom was almost empty. The only other people being Changbin and Felix, who were now walking towards the door. Jisung braced himself for the wave of awkwardness that fortunately didn't come.

“Felix, this is Jisung,” Changbin introduced. “Jisung, Felix.”

“Hi,” Jisung reached out his hand for Felix to take but was met with surprise when Felix hugged him instead.

“Hey, Jisungie,” Felix smiled brightly at him after giving him a warm hug. This surprised Jisung, but he thought the hug felt nice, maybe even sincere, but maybe too warm for Changbin.

He also thought Felix's bright smile contradicted his deep voice, but all he could say to him was, “You have perfect teeth," and Changbin bursted out laughing.

“Oh? Thanks, I guess?” Felix answered. “Changbin told me you were born a day before I was.”

“Oh.” What Jisung was supposed to do with this information, he was not sure. How Changbin and Felix got to talk about his birthday, he was not sure either. What Jisung was sure about, though, was that he already liked Felix. Jisung thought back to the first time he had met Changbin. Much like Felix, he was nothing like Jisung’s first impression of him. Maybe Changbin could handle Felix's warmth, after all.

“But think about it,” Felix added as the three of them started walking, “I was born in Australia, which is an hour later than Korea. I could’ve been born around 12:30 am on the 15th of September, but in Korean time that would’ve been around 11:30 pm on the 14th of September. We could’ve been born on the same day!”

Jisung almost bumped into a locker, staring agape at Felix. “I—my head hurts,” he told the boy.

“Me, too,” he heard Changbin say.

“Sorry,” said Felix, “I got too excited. Anyway, see you guys later, I gotta catch up with the others. Nice meeting you, Jisungie!”

Changbin and Jisung waved goodbye to Felix. When the other had walked away, Jisung turned to look at Changbin. They stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting out laughing.

“That was—” Jisung thought of the right word to use. “—unexpected, I guess?”

“Yeah,” answered Changbin, taking out his phone to send Chan a message. “Sorry about that. I didn’t know that kind of stuff went on his head. Hella cute, though.”

“Wow, is the Seo Changbin  _ whipped _ ?”

Changbin was about to reply when Jisung’s phone started ringing. Jisung answered right away and brought his index finger to his lips, signalling for Changbin to keep quiet.

“Woojin-hyung! Changbin’s so whipped for—hey!”

Changbin took the phone from Jisung’s hand and spoke, “Hyung, we’ll be there in five, we’re just waiting for Chan.”

“I’m confused,” said Woojin from the end of the line. “But okay, I guess.”

“Alright.”

“Jeongin’s here, by the way. With a bunch of friends.”

“Oh,” Changbin whispered. Jisung wondered what Woojin could’ve said. “Okay, then. We’ll see you later.”

Jisung snatched his phone back as soon as Changbin hung up. “My phone could’ve fallen, you know?” he exclaimed.

“Woojin-hyung said Jeongin’s there,” Changbin made quotation marks in the air with his fingers, “‘with a bunch of friends.’”

“Oh,” was what Jisung had said. In his mind, though, he was already freaking out. What if Minho was there, too? Jisung would be too embarrassed to show his face, yet he could not help that there was still a small part of him hoping that Lee Minho would actually be there. Perhaps it was a chance to finally meet? As if that would have made things less embarrassing, anyway.

“You think Felix would be there?” Changbin asked.

“Who?” Chan had arrived and with him, two bags of takeout.

“Lee Felix,” Jisung said before Changbin could start denying anything. “That australian guy Changbin’s been talking about. Remember him?”

“Oh, yeah, I remember him.” Chan’s brows furrowed. He turned to Changbin, “But I haven’t heard you talking about him for, like, a month. I thought you were over this crush.”

“Turns out they’ve been texting for, wait for it, a month.”

“God damn it, Han Jisung,” Changbin said. "Where's my privacy?" Jisung could recognize a hint of annoyance in his voice, but he knew Changbin well enough to know he wasn't serious.

“I see,” Chan nodded. “Tell us about it later. Let’s go?”

 

Woojin was already sitting at a table when Jisung and his two other friends got there. Woojin was not alone like he usually was, though. Today, Jeongin was there, too, along with four other familiar figures.

_ Oh, shit _ , Jisung thought.

Felix was the first to notice them when they'd arrived, and his face lit up as soon as he saw Changbin. His face literally lit up, Jisung thought to himself, this guy was  _ whipped _ as well. Felix waved at him and Changbin, and they both waved back. Chan, though, was a bit hesitant as he hadn't met Felix yet. Actually, aside from Jeongin, Chan hadn't met any of the students sitting with his best friend right now. Jisung glanced at Chan and whispered as discreetly as he could, “That’s Felix,” to which Chan nodded in understanding before offering the bright boy a smile.

“Took you long enough,” Woojin said as he got up to greet them and help Chan with carrying the food.

“Sorry,” Chan said, placing one hand behind his neck. “I didn’t know there’d be nine of us.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jeongin called. “We're leaving. We just waited for you so Woojin-hyung didn't have to wait alone.”

“Oh.”

“These are my friends, by the way,” Jeongin cheerfully announced, his wide smile showing his braces. Jisung wanted to adopt this kid. “Hyunjin-hyung, Seungmin-hyung, Felix-hyung, and Minho-hyung. They’re all older than me.”

“Wow, thanks,” Hyunjin said sarcastically, scowling at Jeongin before eyeing Seungmin again. Jisung had seen Seungmin and Hyunjin holding hands before, but he wasn't really sure if they were actually dating. Jisung wasn't one to assume, either, but he could've sworn he saw a hint of jealousy in Hyunjin’s gaze when it fell on Chan, before letting it fall back on Seungmin. Sure enough, Seungmin was staring at Chan.

Chan must have noticed, too, because he quickly exclaimed, “Well, nice to meet you! I'm Chan.” He gave them a huge, goofy smile, one that made Jisung feel warmth and affection spreading inside him. Chan was such a precious friend to Jisung. He really wouldn't know where he'd be right now if Chan hadn't invited him to eat ice cream with him and Changbin one day when they were literal kids. Jisung was really thankful for Chan and Changbin. 

“This is Jisung—” Chan pointed at Jisung and he smiled at his classmates warmly, “—and this is Changbin.” Changbin gave the others a small smile. Unlike Jisung and Chan, it took Changbin longer to open up to people, which also meant it took people longer to earn a real smile from him. Jisung wondered how long it took Lee Felix to earn that smile.

Changbin once told Jisung he had  _ “a reputation to uphold,” _ which was why he rarely smiled at people who didn't know him. Jisung knew his friend too well, though. He knew that Changbin had his walls up and he didn't let people in easily. Jisung and Chan had been there when Changbin was only starting to build up these walls—walls that were built up on anger and sadness and hurt. But inside these walls, there was so much love. Inside these walls were where Bang Chan and Han Jisung had stayed for as long as they could remember. And Kim Woojin was the first person who'd ever broken down those walls. How Woojin had done it, though, nobody knew and perhaps nobody ever would.

Would Lee Felix be able to break down those walls? Jisung wondered. He looked at Felix smiling brightly at Changbin, who was smiling softly in return. Maybe he already did?

Jisung looked at each one of the five people sitting at the table again. They were all his classmates, people he'd been seeing almost everyday since the start of the semester, but also people he knew next to nothing about. Aside from their names, what else did he really know? First he looked at Jeongin, who of course offered Jisung a wide smile that made his eyes crinkle closed. Then at Felix, whose smile Jisung could've sworn was literally as bright as the sun. He looked at Seungmin, who smiled politely at him but stole glances at Chan. Lastly, Jisung’s eyes fell on Hyunjin, who was still eyeing Seungmin with a slight scowl, which immediately turned into a smile when he and Jisung locked eyes. Hyunjin’s eyes crinkled when he smiled, and his teeth were just as perfect as Felix’s; Jisung understood why a lot of girls and boys went crazy over him.

These are a bunch of perfect people, Jisung thought to himself.  _ Can’t relate _ .

At that moment, Jisung couldn’t help but feel insecure. While he was sure he did love himself, there were times like this when he would realize he was just not even nearly as good enough as other people. But it was okay, because at times like this, he had Changbin and Chan and Woojin. At times like this, he had music. That was more than enough for Jisung.

“Well,” Jisung almost shouted, he turned to face the five intruders . “It’s nice meeting you and all that sappy shit, but I’m hungry.”

“Right,” Hyunjin said, almost excitedly, and stood up. “We were just leaving—”

“Well, I didn’t mean it like that, but... okay?” What Jisung had meant was for the nine of them to eat breakfast together, but he guessed Hwang Hyunjin had been too uncomfortable watching Seungmin—seriously, Jisung’s nosy ass wanted so badly to know if they were dating—being all googly eyes on Bang Chan.

“What Jisung meant,” Woojin explained as he helped Chan set down the food, “was that you guys should eat with us.”

Hyunjin let out a small, “Oh,” before letting Seungmin pull him back down to his seat.

Changbin settled himself down beside Felix, earning him a look from the two eldest; he pretended he didn't notice and proceeded to talk to Felix. Jisung took a look at the table and the people around: Hyunjin and Seungmin were sitting beside each other, across Felix and Changbin, and Jisung was sure Chan and Woojin were going to sit near the edge of the table. The only seat left was the one beside Jeongin, almost directly in front of Minho.

Jisung’s eyes might have lingered a second too long on Minho and Changbin had noticed. He'd excused himself for a moment to go get some water. He didn't notice when Changbin stood up from his seat and followed him to the water station.

“Honestly, Jisung,” Changbin whispered, “who the fuck is  _ whipped _ ?” Without waiting for a reply, he left Jisung alone to join the others at the table. Jisung was too surprised to answer, anyway. He'd stayed a little too long at the water station. He didn’t know why he was so nervous today. It was just Lee Minho. And his group of friends. He literally saw them every other day during class. He saw Jeongin everyday at their college. What was there to be anxious about?

Now more than ever, Jisung wished he had a pen and a piece of paper with him so he could write, let out some frustration he didn't even know from where. Unfortunately, he'd left all his stuff at the table, and all he had were his phone and a bottle of water. He hated having to write on his phone, as he always forgot he'd written something and months would pass by without him touching those lyrics again. But of course the phone was the only option.

Jisung heaved a sigh. As soon as he was about to write, a familiar voice called from behind.

“Hey,” the voice startled Jisung, he almost spilled his drink for the second time today. He was met with two beautifully sharp eyes when he turned around.

“H-hey,” Jisung stuttered. “Sorry, uh, was I blocking the water fountain—”

“You were taking too long, we couldn’t start eating. I went here to fetch you.”

“Oh. Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Okay. Let’s go.”

Jisung expected Minho to turn around and leave him behind as soon as he'd said this. He wasn't sure why but he'd always had this impression that Lee Minho was a cold person. But instead of leaving, Lee Minho reached out his hand and offered Jisung a smile—a proper smile, with his teeth showing and all that cute shit—and Jisung thought it had to be the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his almost twenty years of being alive. Where the fuck were his pen and paper?

“I’m Minho, by the way.”

It took him a second to register he hadn't taken Minho’s hand yet and it caused him to blush a little.

“Oops, sorry,” he whispered as he shook Minho’s hand. The handshake was firm and… warm. Jisung wasn't really sure about that. But he was a hundred and ten percent sure he would love to hold that hand again.

“I’m Jisung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading this shit


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp heres chapter 3 idk what to do anymore also its a SEUNGJIN CHAPTER TBH aLSO
> 
> !!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!
> 
> mentions of self harm so if you're uncomfortable pls dont read

It had been two weeks since that fortunate breakfast with Han Jisung and his friends. It had also been two weeks since he and Minho had last spoken. Aside from the occasional nod and smile before and after classes, there had been no other interaction between Minho and the bright, cheerful boy he’d almost spilled coffee on. Whether he wanted to talk to Jisung again, Minho wasn't really sure. What was there to talk about, anyway?

Minho took a sip from his coffee and waved at Hyunjin and Seungmin as they arrived in the classroom hand in hand. Hyunjin sat down beside Minho while Seungmin settled down in the seat in front of theirs. Hyunjin was still a bit sulky, Minho noticed, and Seungmin was still oblivious. Minho heaved a sigh.

“Good morning, love birds,” he greeted the two younger.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes at him and slumped down on his desk. Seungmin greeted back politely, “Good morning.”

“Seungminnie, can you come with me for a sec?” At that, Hyunjin perked up.

“Sure,” Seungmin answered. “Where?”

"My boyfriend wants to be with everyone except me,” Hyunjin whispered quietly so only Minho could hear. He had been ranting to Minho about how Seungmin was too busy to go on dates with him lately and how he was worried Seungmin hadn’t been taking care of himself.

“Hwang Hyunjin-ssi,” Minho gave his friend a pat on the back, “you’ll be thanking me later.”

Before Hyunjin could even react, Minho stood up. He slug an arm around Seungmin’s shoulders and led him out.

“Where to?” Seungmin inquired.

“Just here,” Minho answered. “Gotta get some fresh air.” Minho had led the younger out of the building to sit on a bench under the shade of a tree. This was one of the things Minho liked about this university. Lots of trees and benches were scattered around the campus; there were lots of places he could go to to just take a deep breath  and clear his mind. Usually Minho would sit down here alone; today he'd brought Seungmin with him.

“What’s up?” Minho asked. Seungmin answered him with a quizzical look. Minho matched his friend’s stare.

After a few seconds of staring at each other, Seungmin sighed in resignation and said, “Hyunjin’s been a bit distant lately. I don’t know why.”

“You sure you don’t?

“Yes.”  
  
“Really?”

“Hyung, I—”

“Bang Chan.”

Seungmin just stared at Minho with his mouth slightly parted in confusion. Minho raised one of his eyebrows at him. A few seconds later and Seungmin was hit with realization. He suddenly stood up and blurted out, “Oh my god.”

“Mm-hmm,” Minho nodded slowly

“I can’t believe this. He’s jealous? Hwang fucking Hyunjin is jealous of Bang fucking Chan?”

“Language.”

“Fuck you.”

“Did you mean, thank you, Minho-hyungnim, you’re the best ? Because, yes.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?"

Minho answered with a shrug. How could he know, really?

“How could he even be jealous?” Seungmin asked once more. “He’s Hwang Hyunjin. People are supposed to be jealous of me, for dating him, right? He should know that.”

“Well, people _aren’t_ really supposed to be jealous of you, Seungmin,” answered Minho. “But since they are, I guess there’s nothing we could do about that. But Hyunjin’s allowed to be jealous, too, you know? He’s the most sensitive person I know, of course he’d be jealous of Bang Chan when you’ve literally been staring at him the whole time we had breakfast with them. He’s also told me you haven’t been spending that much time together.”

“But I don’t feel that way about Bang Chan,” Seungmin almost laughed. “And he knows my exams are coming up. He can’t be like this?"

“I know. Hyunjin knows, too, but still... I mean, try to imagine Hyunjin being all googly eyes over me, and then suddenly stop giving you attention. You’d hate it.”

“Oh, I definitely would.”

“See?”

“I’d definitely hate you, too. You’re too perfect it’s so annoying.”

“I _know_.”

Seungmin ran a hand through his hair. Minho knew how smart this younger boy was, but sometimes he couldn't help but realize that Seungmin was still a kid who needed some guidance. Hyunjin, as well.

“Look,” Minho said to Seungmin, “I know it’s a bit immature of Hyunjin to get jealous, but ever since I’ve known you two he's literally never even been jealous of anyone. He’s not jealous of your career, either. He knows you have to study, but you tend to forget eating when Hyunjin’s not around. Don’t even try to deny it. He’s just worried, Seungmin.”

“I know,” Seungmin sighed. “I’ve known him since forever and I know these things, too, but—there’s just too much stress and pressure right now, I guess.”

“Then you should tell him. Talk to him, go eat with him, buy him donuts, take him with you when you study, or—I don’t know—whatever cute shit you college couples do.” Then Minho stood up and gave the younger’s back a pat. “Let’s go,” he said.

“Thank you, hyung,” Seungmin told him quietly. “You’re _not_ the best but do I have a choice?” Minho flashed the younger boy a bright, toothy smile. Seungmin sighed in defeat. “You’re the best."

 

When Minho and Seungmin got back to their seats, Hyunjin had his head down on his desk, sleeping. Jeongin and Felix were still not there yet, which was really no surprise since they usually arrived a bit late. What was surprising, though, was that a few minutes after Minho had woken Hyunjin up, the other two arrived together with Jisung, Changbin, and—

“Bang Chan?” Hyunjin said. “Wait, he’s a student?"

“He’s not,” answered Minho.

“He used to study here,” explained Seungmin. “He graduated last year and literally had the perfect average.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin nodded slowly, “so that’s why…” he trailed off.

“Yes, Hwang Hyunjin,” Seungmin sighed heavily. He looked at his boyfriend with sincere eyes. This kid adored Hyunjin so much, Minho thought, how could Hyunjin even have felt an inch of doubt towards him? “I’m sorry,” said Seungmin. “I look up to him a lot. I know it’s stupid but I wish I could be like him."

“What are you talking about, Kim Seungmin?” Hyunjin snapped. Minho understood what he meant, but it seemed like Seungmin didn't; Seungmin looked hurt. Minho sighed. Of course he had to aid the situation… again.

“What Hyunjinnie meant,” Minho said to Seungmin, “is that, while it may not be stupid, you shouldn’t be comparing yourself to—”

“Yes, that’s what I meant,” Hyunjin interrupted. “I know your studies mean a lot to you but—”

“You don’t understand, Hyunjin!” Minho was surprised at Seungmin's sudden response. There was something in his friend’s tone of voice that sounded so sad to him. Was it desperation? Seungmin turned to look at Bang Chan again. Minho thought he looked almost... wistful. Before he could ask, Seungmin whispered quietly, “He makes music.”

Minho had never seen Hyunjin move as quickly as he did that moment. Within a millisecond, Hyunjin was standing beside his boyfriend. He put his hands on both of Seungmin’s cheeks, wiping the silent tears that fell down Seungmin’s face. “He’s allowed to make music, Hyunjin,” Seungmin barely whispered. “Why can’t I be allowed to make music?”

Hyunjin sat down beside his boyfriend and wrapped him in a tight embrace, calming him down, assuring him that he loved him so much and that he was sorry and he wouldn’t ever leave him and that it was okay, everything was okay. Almost all of their other classmates were already there and staring at the two. Hyunjin didn’t care, though, and it made Minho feel a rush of affection and protectiveness towards his two younger friends.

Sometimes, Hyunjin would try to be sarcastic towards Minho and the rest of their friends. Minho even thought at first that he had this aura of a snob who looked like he didn’t care about anyone and anything else except himself. He knew it wasn't really Hyunjin’s intention to come off as cold-hearted, that it was just the way he brought himself, but other people didn't. Other people also didn't know that the popular Hwang Hyunjin hated being popular for his looks. They didn't know that Hyunjin was the most hard-working, most genuine, and sincerest person Minho had ever met in his entire life. Other people didn't know how sweet and sentimental Hyunjin could get whenever he was with the people he loved.

That’s the thing about people, Minho thought, they'd rather spend their time assuming things about other people than trying to get to know them.

Minho’s eyes roamed around the room, at the rest of their classmates who were stealing glances at the couple wrapped around each other’s arms, until his eyes fell on Jeongin and Felix coming up to them.

“What’s wrong?” Jeongin asked. He was about to put his bag down on his usual seat beside Seungmin, but Minho stopped him.

“You’re sitting beside me today,” Minho told Jeongin as he gave the empty seat beside him a tap. “And you,” he pointed his finger at Felix, “have something to tell us later, I assume.”

“I guess I do,” Felix answered, stealing a look at Seo Changbin who was seated near the front, sandwiched between Han Jisung and Bang Chan, before setting his eyes on Hyunjin and Seungmin. “What’s up, though?” he asked Minho.

“They’re in love,” Minho answered. He looked at the backs of his friends heads. They were now just sitting beside each other. Hyunjin had his arm draped around Seungmin’s shoulder. Seungmin normally wouldn't have liked this amount of PDA, but at that moment he let Hyunjin hold him, he even rested his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder.

“I can see that,” Felix answered.

“I assume you are, as well?”

“I’m not sure, hyung; it’s too soon to tell, really. We’re dating exclusively now, though.”

“But you’re happy, right?”

“I am,” Felix answered. His bright smile lit his face up and Minho was sure he would be willing to fight anyone just so Felix could keep that smile   
  


***

 

“Hey!” Felix greeted Minho, Hyunjin, and Seungmin as soon as he got inside the cafe. Seo Changbin was walking beside him, hand intertwined with his. He offered them a friendly smile as well.

Three months ago, Felix had told Minho that he was exclusively dating Changbin, and he really wanted for them to hang out as friends but their schedules never seemed to match. They had pushed this gathering way too much until finally tonight they were all free. The five friends and Changbin had agreed to meet at the cafe near their uni, the same cafe where Minho had first bumped into Han Jisung three months and two weeks ago, too—but that was besides the point. Tonight, Minho thought, they finally had the chance to spend time with Changbin, someone who made Felix really happy, and he wanted to at least make it count.

“I’m hungry, Felix,” greeted Hyunjin, and Minho noticed Changbin’s smile falter for half a second. Minho gave him a look and Hyunjin just rolled his eyes.

“Hi, Changbin-ssi. Have a seat,” Minho said, indicating the empty seat beside him. He knew they had to keep the mood cheerful for Felix. When Changbin sat down, Minho jokingly added, “Felix, take your own seat please, don’t sit on his lap or else I’ll puke.”

“But I’d love to see you puke, though,” teased Felix, moving as though he were really going to sit on Changbin’s lap, but Changbin said, “Oh, I don’t wanna see that.” And they all laughed. Maybe hanging out with Changbin wasn’t so bad, after all.

“I’m gonna go get food now,” Hyunjin announced, “I’d love to wait for you guys but Seungminnie hasn’t had lunch yet—”

“It’s okay,” Seungmin cut him off. He pulled on the sleeves of his hoodie so they would cover his hands. “Let’s wait for Jeongin.”

“Jeongin’s almost here, he texted me. Let’s get you some food.” Hyunjin grabbed Seungmin by the wrist. Seungmin gave them an apologetic look before letting his boyfriend drag him towards the counter.

Was Minho imagining things, or did he really notice Seungmin wince?

“So,” Changbin started, “does he hate me or something?”

Minho almost answered truthfully. He knew Hyunjin didn’t hate Changbin, he just didn’t care about him—at least, not as much as he cared about Seungmin. It was nothing personal, though; Hyunjin just didn’t care about anyone as much as he cared about his family, his dog, his three best friends, and his boyfriend. Minho and Hyunjin weren’t all that different, really.

“No,” Felix assured Changbin, saving the situation from suddenly being too awkward. Why did Changbin have to ask that, anyway?

“He’s just worried about Seungmin,” Minho added.

“Oh,” Changbin said, smiling lightly. “Okay.”

“You’d be, too, if I weren’t eating regularly, right?” Felix asked him.

“I guess,” he shrugged

Minho was sure that wasn’t the answer Felix was hoping for, but he accepted it nonetheless. Minho sighed. He was sure he had to keep Felix happy tonight, but he wasn’t sure how he was actually going to do it.

“Okay,” Minho said in an attempt to change the topic, “what do you guys wanna—”

“Hey!” he was cut off by that same familiar voice he’d heard one day in that same cafe. Minho turned his head to look. Han Jisung had his arm around Jeongin’s shoulders, and they were both walking happily towards the group seated at the table. Behind them, Bang Chan was walking a little less enthusiastically.

“Jisung!” Felix exclaimed, much to Minho’s surprise, though he didn’t let it show on his face. Was Felix really that happy Jisung was there? But then Felix did something that was even more surprising to Minho: he greeted Jisung with a hug. Minho knew Felix was affable, but he didn’t expect him to act this friendly towards Jisung. He hadn’t even seen them talk.

“Sorry we’re late,” Chan told Felix.

“No, it’s okay!” answered Felix. “We were just about to get food. There aren’t any chairs left, though…”

“Yeah, sorry,” Minho said, “we didn’t know you were coming.”

“It’s okay,” Jisung told Minho, “we could sit at a different table.”

“Then why’d we even meet up in the first place if you’re gonna go sit on your own?” Minho looked at Jisung, who just stared back at him blankly.

“Right,” the younger finally answered before looking away.

“I’m gonna go ask them to put another table here,” announced Jeongin, who left and went to the counter where Hyunjin and Seungmin were still busy ordering food. Minho was now left alone with Felix, Changbin, Chan, and Jisung. He would’ve found it awkward if he actually cared enough.

“So,” started Jisung, “how’ve you been, Felix?”

“Oh, I’m good,” he answered. “I got to talk to my family last night. They’re doing fine.” The talk had probably gone by longer but Minho had stopped paying attention since it didn’t really concern him. So much for making this night count, he thought as he pulled out his phone to play any random game he had installed. He knew it was rude, but he didn’t really want to butt into other people's’ conversations, either.

A few minutes later, a staff came to their place and brought a slightly smaller table than the one they already had. Bang Chang then pulled out two chairs from the empty tables as well, and placed one beside Changbin. The other one was placed beside Minho

“Uh, can I sit here?” Han Jisung asked Minho.

“Yeah, sure,” he answered. “You didn’t really have to ask.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t mind it.”

Han Jisung didn’t say anything in return anymore so Minho put his attention back on his phone. Minho noticed Jisung pull out his phone as well, but he went on an app Minho didn’t recognize. It had an orange color scheme and a cloud as a logo, those were the only things Minho saw during the split second he glanced at Jisung’s phone.

Minho was vaguely aware of Chan, Changbin, Felix, and occasionally Jisung talking for a few more minutes until they called his attention.

“All six of you here owe me,” Hyunjin said as he, Seungmin, and Jeongin put down trays of sandwiches and cakes on top of the table.

“You don’t,” Seungmin told the six other people.

“They do, babe,” Hyunjin told him. “Felix does, anyway.”

“Whatever; I’ll pay you,” Felix said.

“I’ll pay, as well,” Bang Chan said, “for the three of us.”

“No, please don’t,” Seungmin almost shouted. “Hyunjinnie was joking.”

“Okay,” Minho suddenly said. He noticed Jisung jump a little in his seat. _Cute_ , he thought, although he was quick to dismiss it. “Sit your asses down and let’s eat.”

Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin found their seats and sat down, but as soon as Jeongin took his seat beside Seungmin, he exclaimed, “Seungmin-hyung, your hand!”

Everyone turned to look at Seungmin.

“What?” he asked.

Minho noticed Jisung suddenly sit up straight and stay completely still, a look of terror apparent on his face. He was staring at Seungmin's direction, but Minho wasn't sure where exactly. He noticed Chan and Changbin exchange worried looks as well.

Seo Changbin cleared his throat and said suddenly, "We, uh, gotta go fetch Woojin-hyung." and he and Chan took Jisung by the arms and dragged his seemingly motionless body out of the cafe.

Minho was confused until he looked at Seungmin again and saw what Jeongin was talking about. His mouth hung agape. One of Seungmin’s hoodie sleeves was starting to get stained with red. But it wasn’t his hand that was bleeding—it was his wrist, the one that Hyunjin grabbed earlier to drag him away from the table. Seungmin noticed Minho staring at his wrist and he quickly tried to hide it, but not before Hyunjin saw it.

Hyunjin took Seungmin’s hand from under the table. “What the—”

“I’m sorry—I,” Seungmin struggled to find the words. “I just—I—I—”

“Seungmin—,” Hyunjin pulled his boyfriend’s sleeve up. “Kim Seungmin, what the fuck?”

“Don’t—," Seungmin’s voice cracked. Minho thought it was the most heartbreaking sound he'd heard in fifteen years. “Please, Hyunjinnie. Don’t shout.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin’s voice had gone a thousand times softer. He placed gentle kisses on both of Seungmin’s wrists and wrapped him in a tight embrace.

Minho could see Seungmin shaking under Hyunjin’s arms, crying silently. It dawned on him why Seungmin had been skipping meals and studying endlessly, why earlier when Hyunjin had grabbed his wrist, he couldn’t keep himself from wincing.

“I’m sorry,” Seungmin said in between silent sobs. “The pressure—I—I just needed to let it out, Hyunjin. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Hyunjin assured him, his voice soft yet firm. “It's okay, babe. You’re okay. I’m here.”

Minho got up from his seat and walked over to the couple. He put his hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze. “Want me to drive you guys home?” he asked Hyunjin.

“No,” Hyunjin answered quietly. He put his hand on top of Minho’s on his shoulder as a sign of thanks. “I can manage. I’m staying with him tonight.”

“Okay. I’ll call his mom.”

“Thanks, hyung. Take care of Jeongin."

Minho turned to look at Jeongin. At the spur of the moment, he’d almost forgotten that pure, innocent Jeongin had no previous experiences with anything like this. He was crying silently, seated on one of the chairs, while Felix had his arm around the youngest’s shoulders.

“I will,” Minho answered Hyunjin. “You guys take care. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Yeah.”

Hyunjin placed a gentle kiss on top of Seungmin’s head. “Babe, let’s go,” he told him. Seungmin stood up weakly and let Hyunjin lead him out of the cafe. Minho followed them with his eyes until they were out of sight, then he turned to Jeongin.

“Hey,” Minho said to Jeongin. He had stopped crying now but was still staring into space. “Jeonginnie,” Minho said again, louder this time but still as soft. Jeongin turned to look at him. “Let’s go home, okay?” Jeongin just nodded and let Felix pull him up from his seat.

Minho looked around the cafe for the first time since the incident. He didn’t know if luck was just on their side or it was the universe’s doing, but literally nobody else was in the cafe. Even the staff didn’t seem to have noticed what had happened, probably because Minho and his friends were seated at the very corner, the farthest table from the counter.

“What about the others?” Felix asked Minho. “They said Woojin-hyung was coming, right?”

“We’ll just tell them later,” he answered. “Sorry, Felix.”

Minho knew Woojin wasn’t really coming, though. Changbin had just said that as an excuse for him, Chan, and Jisung to go. He wasn’t sure why exactly, but he was extremely thankful. He made a mental note to talk to Changbin personally to thank him and say sorry for tonight, or at least send him a text or call him.

“No, it’s okay. Our friends come first. Seungmin…” Felix trailed off. He put his arm around Jeongin again and gave him a tight squeeze, and the younger leaned his head on Felix’s shoulder and slumped onto him. “We’ll meet you outside,” he told Minho.

Minho nodded and gave Felix his car keys. “I’ll look for the others. You two go ahead.”

Felix and Jeongin headed outside and Minho was left by the table, where all the food was left untouched. He looked towards the door just as Felix had gone through it and he thought of how strong Felix must be, even though his physical appearance and demeanor would’ve said otherwise. His whole family was in a different country, far away from him, yet he was there, standing like a pillar whenever people needed him. He gave people big, bright smiles even when he didn’t need to. Minho loved him for that.

Minho couldn’t believe he’d failed to notice Seungmin’s _problems_ , though, and he had to scold himself for missing everything.

 

Minho had been trying to contact Seo Changbin, Bang Chan, and Han Jisung for about ten minutes now. He’d sent them texts and tried calling them but all to no avail. After one last attempt to call Changbin, he decided to just leave.

Once Minho got out of the cafe, the cold wind of the night hit his face. He looked up at the sky and saw the moon shining bright and innocently, as if nothing sad and bad had even happened during the whole day.

“You’ve seen too much,” Minho whispered, as if saying a silent prayer to no one in particular, to whoever was listening. He closed his eyes. “You’re not innocent. None of us are. Not even Jeongin—not anymore.”

When he opened his eyes, he noticed three people standing at the far corner outside the cafe. It was dark, but Minho still recognized them, even with the smoke coming from their cigarettes and covering their faces lightly. Han Jisung, who was looking down and breathing in his cigarette deeply, immediately finishing his almost full stick; Seo Changbin, who was staring at the younger boy and holding a cigarette of his own, which he just let burn out in his hand; and Bang Chan, who had his back to the other two and looked like he was on the phone with someone.

The look of terror and panic on Jisung’s face when Seungmin’s wrist started bleeding, the worried looks Chan and Changbin had exchanged, their grave faces as they’d led Jisung outside the cafe, the unanswered texts and calls—it all made sense to Minho now.

Han Jisung had been there, too.

Minho was staring at the three boys he’d just met a few months ago. He was undecided if he should go up to them. But what would he do, anyway? He didn’t smoke. He didn’t know what to say, either. Before he could decide, Changbin looked away from Jisung and locked eyes with him. Changbin pursed his lips and shook his head slightly, just barely enough to send Minho a message: _Don’t_. Minho nodded once at him, indicating he understood. He offered Changbin a small smile before he turned around and walked away from the three.

 

“What took you so long?” Felix asked Minho as soon as he got in his car. Minho looked back from the driver’s seat and saw that Jeongin was already asleep, his head resting on Felix’s lap.

“I found them,” Minho answered. He’d debated for half a second whether he should tell Felix or not, but decided against it. It wasn’t his story to tell, anyway, so he just said, “They’re okay. They’re going home now, I think. You should check on them later.”

“Yeah, I will,” answered Felix. “Thanks, Minho. For everything.”

Minho understood the underlying words behind Felix’s simple ‘Thanks.’

 _I love you, you little fuckers_ , Minho thought.

 

It was almost eleven in the evening when Minho and his friends arrived at his house. Felix had also already fallen asleep in the backseat. Minho wasn’t sure how, but he’d managed to wake Felix up long enough for them to go upstairs to Minho’s room while he carried a sleeping Jeongin on his back. Felix immediately plopped down on Minho’s bed as soon as they reached his room. Minho gently put Jeongin down on the bed as well. He removed both his younger friends’ shoes and covered them with blankets. He didn’t bother to wake them up to wash anymore.

Minho went to his bathroom alone and washed his face with cold water. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired, he thought. He’d been remembering things he’d buried in the farthest patch of his memories. He took a deep breath and stepped into the shower, letting the cold water wash away the tiredness the night had brought.

Once done showering, Minho put on some joggers and a loose shirt. He took his phone from on top of his desk and dialed Hyunjin’s number before sitting down on the edge of his bed.

“Hyung,” Hyunjin answered. Minho thought his voice sounded tired and hoarse, maybe from crying.

“How’s Seungmin?”

Minho heard Hyunjin’s deep sigh from the other end of the line.

“He’s okay now. He’s sleeping. I’ve also put bandages on his cuts. He kept on crying and saying sorry. I told him he shouldn’t be and he should let us help him.”

“What did he say?”

“He said _okay_. I’m not sure what it means.”

“Can we drop by tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure. I want to ask him first before saying yes. I’m sorry, I just don’t want to stress him out and put more pressure and—"

“Hyunjin, breathe. It's okay.”

“Sorry, hyung, I just—I don’t know what to do. How do I help him? What do I do now?”

“I wish I knew… Just be there for him, I guess? I know it might be too much but don’t leave him alone, yeah?"

“You think I’d leave him after this?”

“No. Get some rest, Hyunjin. Talk to you tomorrow.”

“You, too.”

Minho sighed in relief. At least they got home safely. They were probably at Hyunjin’s house right now. Hyunjin’s mom would be there to take care of Seungmin as well. Not to be rude, but Minho thought Seungmin’s parents didn’t really care about their son except for his academic achievements. They had been against Seungmin taking up psychology and they wanted him to shift to ‘a degree that would bring them more money.’ Minho choked back his tears as he thought of how hard it might’ve been for Seungmin, alone and pressured without any form of release so he just—

“Hyung?” Felix had woken up. “Why aren’t you sleeping? Sorry, are we taking up all the space—”

“No, it’s okay.” Minho assured his friend. “I just got out of the shower, I’ll sleep in a few.”

“Okay. I’m going back to sleep then. Good night.”

“Night."

Minho was left alone with his thoughts and his phone again. His phone was the healthier option. He stared down at an unsaved number—one that had drunk-called Minho about a month ago.

Minho pressed _Call_.

“Who’s this?” the voice from the other end answered.

“Hey, Jisungie. How are you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELP THANK U????? DID ANYONE EVEN READ UNTIL THE END ITS SO LOGNG I WOULSNTEEVEN READ THSI SHIT LMAO I LUV SEUNGJIN  
> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK U FOR READING THIS SHIT?????  
> !!!!!!! ALSO !!!!!!!TRIGGER WARNING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!  
> mentions of self harm and suicide and its a bit graphic maybe???? im not so sure but again if youre uncomfortable pls dont read uwu ily thank u again!!!!

“Do we really have to go?” Jisung asked Changbin. Changbin had asked Jisung and Chan to come with him, he’d said they were going to hang out with Felix and his group of friends. Jisung didn’t really want to go. Chan wasn’t thrilled either.

“We’ve already hung out a lot with Felix,” Chan said. “Do we have to hang out with his friends? The last time we did, it didn’t really go smoothly.”

Jisung thought back to that time from more than three months ago. He and his friends had eaten breakfast with Felix and his group. It wasn’t actually bad, but it was definitely awkward—at least, for Jisung. Hyunjin was kind of scowling at Chan almost the whole time, Felix and Changbin had their own world, Woojin and Chan fussed over Jeongin, and Jisung was left to try and make conversation with Lee Minho, who initially seemed nice when he’d come to fetch Jisung but seemed to have withdrawn from him as soon as they got back to the table. Jisung really didn’t want another episode of that.

“Come on, guys,” Changbin pleaded. “Felix really wants you to go.”

Chan sighed in resignation. “Alright. I’m doing this for Felix.”

“Not for me?” Changbin asked. He turned to Jisung with an expectant look.

“I’m not doing this for anyone,” Jisung replied.

“Minho would be there.”

“All the more reason I shouldn’t go.”

“You’re not gonna get drunk—”

“Shut up.”

“—and Woojin-hyung won’t be there so you could talk to Chan-hyung.”

“Then what would be the point? I could always to Chan-hyung here.” Jisung turned to Chan. “Right, hyung?”

“Whatever you say,” the older answered answered.

“Jisungie,” Changbin whined in that annoyingly cute voice Jisung hated so much.

“Fine. I’m going. But you’re paying for my food.”

“Okay!” Changbin exclaimed. He looked so happy. Perhaps, Jisung thought, making his friends happy came before his own comfort.

Changbin turned on his heels and bid Jisung and Chan goodbye. “See you later!” he called.

“Whatever, loser,” Jisung called back as he and Chan watched Changbin’s small figure walk out the door.

“He seems happy,” said Chan absentmindedly. He was staring outside his window from where he was sitting in his living room.

Jisung had known this house all too well; he’d been living in Chan’s house ever since Chan’s parents moved back to Australia. Even before that, Jisung had always spent most of his time here rather than in his own house. He liked it here better. Here, he felt like he was welcome, like the people here loved him—and they did, really. Chan’s parents had treated him and Changbin with nothing but kindness. Jisung missed them a little. He looked at his friend and wondered how strong he must be, living here alone, but Chan had always assured him that he’d never felt alone because of him, Changbin, and Woojin.

“Perhaps,” Jisung dramatically said, “that’s because he _is_ happy.”

“Yeah. Felix seems happy, too.”

Jisung smiled, remembering the times he’d hung out with Lee Felix. “You know, one time, Felix told me I was his ‘platonic soulmate.’ I don't really buy that soulmate shit, but I kinda believe him.”

“Well, I’d believe him, too.” Chan got up from his seat and walked to his room. “I’m gonna go get ready. It’s almost 8, we said we’d meet around 9 pm, right?”

“Yeah.”

 

Jisung was sitting in the passenger’s seat of Chan’s car, a seat usually claimed by Woojin. He and Chan were on their way to the cafe near their uni when he received a text from Jeongin.

“Jeongin’s asking us to pick him up,” Jisung told Chan.

“At his house?”

“No, he’s at the uni.”  
  
“At 9 in the evening?”

“Dude, we stayed at the uni a lot later than 9 pm.”

“But Jeongin’s a baby.”

“Hey—I was a baby, too.”

“Ew, Jisung, no.”

Jisung hit Chan’s arm before laughing out loud.

Years ago, Jisung hated car rides. He hated staying in that small space with his parents. It had felt too suffocating. Once, Chan’s parents had invited Jisung and Changbin on a trip and Jisung didn’t want to go. He swore that he’d go insane if he had to endure another suffocating car ride for a few hours. Jisung had gone, though, because Chan and Changbin had been too persuasive; Jisung had never been so thankful for his friends.

Chan's car—which used to be his parents'—was the exact same car Jisung had ridden during that trip, and he swore he'd never wanted to be inside any other car or he'd suffocate to death.

These were the moments Jisung loved the most. Driving around with his friends—usually they were with Changbin and Woojin—laughing and singing along loudly to songs from the radio or from albums they’d bought. He rolled down his window and let the cold air hit his face and blow through his hair. Chan did the same thing.

Happy—that was how Jisung felt, and that was how he was planning to stay.

 

“So, what’s with you and Lee Jeno?” Jeongin asked Jisung as soon as he got inside the car.

_Seriously, this kid?_

Jisung noticed Chan’s surprised glance. Of course he had to focus on driving but he still said, “I graduate and both you and Changbin are suddenly dating?”

“ _Only_ Changbin-hyung is dating,” Jisung told Chan before turning to Jeongin. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Jeongin shrugged. “You two looked cozy the other day.”

“Oh.” Jisung realized. He grinned widely at Jeongin. “So you like Jeno?”

“What? No,” the younger one denied.

“Okay. Why’re you so defensive?”

“Wait,” Chan said, “who’s Jeno?”

 

By the time Jisung, Chan, and Jeongin had arrived at their meeting place, it was already half past nine and they were the last ones to arrive. Apparently, only Felix and Changbin knew that Jisung and Chan were coming.

Jisung sighed. He had a feeling that the night was going to be long. And awkward. Out of the two empty chairs, Jisung had to be seated on the one beside Lee Minho. Fortunately, the older boy was busy with his phone, so Jisung in turn just busied himself with his phone as well.

A few pretty awkward minutes later, Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin arrived at their table with trays of food. Hyunjin announced that everyone aside from Seungmin owed him for the food. Chan was about to pay for Jisung and Changbin but Seungmin immediately stopped him. Jisung stole a glance at Hyunjin and saw no more spite in his eyes. He let out a quiet sigh of relief. He didn’t think he could endure another hour and a half of Hyunjin staring daggers at his friend.

As soon as the other three had taken their seats, though, Jeongin almost shouted, “Seungmin-hyung, your hand!”

Jisung’s eyes automatically fell on Seungmin’s hand. There was blood on his hoodie sleeve. Jisung froze in place. His heart was racing. He knew it all too well. It wasn’t Seungmin’s hand that was bleeding.  
  
Jisung couldn’t focus anymore. His vision was slowly becoming blurry. He hadn’t seen a bleeding wrist in four years. The last one he’d seen was his own—

Suddenly two firm, warm hands were grabbing Jisung by the arms. For a moment, his vision was clear and he saw Chan and Changbin dragging him away from the group and outside the cafe.

 

It amazed Jisung how easily vices ate people up again, even after years of staying away.

“Jisung, that’s enough,” Chan told him. “You’ve had—what, seven?”

Jisung exhaled. He looked at the smoke as it disappeared into the air around him. “Just one more,” he said as he discarded his finished cigarette and lighted a new one.

 _Inhale_. Jisung felt the smoke make its cycle through his lungs.

 _Exhale_. He let the smoke disappear into thin air again.

Just this once, Jisung thought, just this vice. He closed his eyes and let the smoke gather around him. He hated the smell. He hated himself for succumbing to this vice again. But what could he do? He’d only ever had two vices. He didn’t even want to consider the other one.

“Jisung,” Changbin said quietly. “Let’s go home—”

The three friends were startled when Chan’s phone suddenly started ringing.

Chan immediately answered his phone and turned away. Jisung couldn’t make out what his friend was saying because his voice was so quiet, and honestly Jisung’s mind was a bit muddly as well. He just looked up as he blew smoke from his lungs.

The moon was so bright tonight, Jisung thought. He stared up at it and wondered, how many sad souls had the moon seen in its lifetime? How many lost souls had it guided home? How many—

Changbin and Jisung both turned their heads as they heard the cafe's door open for the third time.

The first time, it had been Hyunjin and Seungmin who’d walked through that door. Jisung thought, his nosy ass didn’t need any more confirmation nor did his nosy ass care if the two were dating. Clearly, they loved each other. Even though Jisung didn’t know Hyunjin personally, it was apparent to him that this guy would cross oceans for Seungmin. Must be nice, Jisung had thought, having someone who loved you that much.

The second time, it had been Felix and Jeongin. Jisung saw Changbin’s eyes follow them as they got inside a car. Felix had looked so small, but Jeongin had looked even smaller. Jisung felt sorry for the both of them. The pure boys, whose smiles were as bright as the sun, suddenly looked so solemn and sad. They're like the night sky, Jisung thought; there was still light, but it was definity dimmer as it used to be when it was day. As Jisung exhaled smoke for probably the hundredth time that night, he swore to himself that he’d do anything to keep Felix and Jeongin’s light.

This time, the third and last time, it was Lee Minho who had come out of the cafe’s door. Unlike the others, he didn’t go straight to his car. He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes. Jisung thought Minho looked so sad yet so beautiful. Then he opened his eyes and Jisung swore he saw even from far away how much emotion was waiting to be poured from Lee Minho’s mournful eyes.

Jisung let the smoke in and out of his lungs and looked away. It hurt—not the smoke as it got in his eyes, not the nicotine as it went through his veins and killed him slowly, not even the headache smoking after two long years of being clean had brought him. Looking at Lee Minho, who had looked so ethereal staring up at the night sky, the moon and the colorful city lights playing on his face and his eyes, the wind ruffling his unruly hair that Jisung wanted so badly to run his hands through—it hurt Jisung. He wasn’t sure how or why but at that moment, Lee Minho looked so close yet so far and it hurt him so much he wanted to inhale his new cigarette all at once.

 

This time, Jisung was seated in the backseat of Chan’s car. He’d just woken up from falling asleep the moment he'd sat down. He could hear the faint sound of music from the radio. They were almost home, and Changbin was also asleep in the passenger’s seat.

“Sorry, hyung,” Jisung said sadly.

“For what?”

“You know what.”

“Jisungie,” Chan sighed. “You know you shouldn't be sorry, right? Changbin and I love you. Woojin does, as well. Remember that, okay?”

Tears started falling from Jisung’s eyes while he struggled to steady his breathing. He hadn’t expected he would be triggered—

“Jisung,” Changbin, who was woken up by the sound of the other two talking, snapped his fingers in front of Jisung’s face. “You gotta tell us when something’s bothering you, okay?”

“I will. I always do, don’t worry. Tonight was just… a bit different.”

“I know.”

“Thanks. Really. For everything.”

“Go to sleep.”

 

When Jisung had woken up again, he was already on his bed. Chan probably carried him there again, as he had done for so many times. Jisung felt like a nuisance to his friends once again.

Jisung looked at his phone. There were messages and missed calls from an unknown number. He didn’t read the texts but checked the time instead: t was a quarter past eleven. He got up from his bed, stretched his arms and legs, and went to the washroom, ssplashed his face with cold water and brushed his teeth, trying to get rid of the cigarettes’ horrible smell. He then changed his clothes and headed outside. He was sure that the two other guys were asleep and wouldn’t notice he was gone. Besides, he was going back immediately, anyway, he just wanted to get some fresh air.

Jisung went to the nearby playground, the one where he used to play with Chan and Changbin when they were kids, the same one he used to run to when he wanted to get away from his own house. It looked so bare in the dark of night, Jisung thought, with no children running and playing and laughing. The colors were unrecognizable with only the light of the moon and a dim streetlight nearby. He found the old swing set he used to go on a lot back when he was a child and sat down on one of the swings. Then his phone suddenly rang.

An unknown number was calling. The same number that had been trying to call Jisung earlier and sending him texts. He answered.

“Who’s this?”

“Hey, Jisungie,” a familiar voice answered, “How are you?”

“Lee Minho-ssi?”

“Yeah. I was trying to call you earlier—”

“How’d you get my number?” While Jisung was admittedly giddy that Minho had been calling him, he still found it a bit weird.

“You don’t remember?” Minho sounded confused.

“What do you mean—don’t I remember what?”

“Actually, that’s not important. How’re you feeling?”

Jisung was confused. Why was he talking to Lee Minho on the phone at half past eleven in the evening, in the middle of an empty playground, and Minho was asking him how he was feeling?

“I’m okay, I guess,” he answered slowly.

“I saw you earlier.”

“Oh.”

 _He saw me smoking the shit out of those cigarettes_.

There was a long pause. Jisung thought Minho had hung up on him but he checked and Minho was still on the line.

“Where are you?” Minho suddenly asked.

“Uh...” Jisung was definitely weirded out. He knew he’d been crushing on Minho since he’d first seen him at an orientation when he was a college freshman, but Minho was still practically a stranger.

“Jisung?”

“I’m at an empty playground in our neighborhood. If you’re gonna come and kill me, please do it quickly.”

“What the fuck, Jisung?” Minho said, and Jisung knew he was stifling in his laughter. “Anyway, text me the address. I’m driving. Bye.”

Lee Minho hung up on Jisung.

Jisung sent Lee Minho the address.

_What's happening?_

 

A few minutes later, a car stopped near the playground. Jisung was still sitting on the swing, playing music loud enough so only he could hear. He looked at the car as its headlights went off and from it came out Lee Minho, wearing what seemed to Jisung like sleeping attire. Lee Minho had to look this good while he slept?

Jisung’s gaze followed Minho as the boy walked towards him and sat down on the swing beside him.

“Hi,” Jisung greeted.

“How are you feeling?” Minho asked him.

“I’m fine, really.”

“Really?”

Jisung looked at the other boy quizzically. Minho’s eyes shifted its gaze from Jisung’s face to his wrist. Jisung finally understood. Instinctively, he put his hand on his wrist and felt what remains of the scars that were long gone.

“I’ve been clean for four years, Minho-ssi,” he said. “I’m not going back there, if that's what you're worried about.” Was he trying to convince Minho, or was he trying to convince himself?

Jisung didn’t know what kind of reply he was expecting. Probably just an Okay, or even just plain silence, from Minho. He didn’t expect Minho to reply with, “You can’t be too sure.” He suddenly turned to look at the boy beside him.

Lee Minho was smiling sadly, staring up at the sky, as if someone was there and looking down on him too. He looked unreal, Jisung thought, like one of those greek gods he'd used to read about when he was little. Jisung was so sure at that moment that Lee Minho was the most beautiful human being he’d ever laid his eyes upon and there was nothing he’d ever wanted more in his life than to keep Lee Minho and his beautifully sad smile for the rest of his life.

“Ten years ago,” Minho spoke again. “I saw my brother die.”

Silence.

Jisung didn’t know what to say or do. He just stared quietly at Minho, controlling his breathing, as if one bit of noise would cause Minho to withdraw from him again.

“I went to his room one day to ask him to play. The door was slightly open so I peeked inside. He slit his wrist in front of my eyes. I pushed his bedroom door open only to watch him bleed to death right then and there.”

Jisung noticed tears falling from Minho’s eyes. Even his tears looked beautiful to Jisung. He wanted to wipe them away, but he was afraid it might be too much for Minho, who was all of a sudden opening up to him as if they’d been friends for a long time. Despite the tears, Minho’s voice was steady when he spoke again.

“I stood there for more than an hour, not able to do anything. I’d wanted to scream, to run away as far as I could from that fucking room and that fucking house. But I couldn’t do anything. I'd felt so numb. I just stared at my brother as he died. Then my mother and father arrived and I came back to my senses. I heard her scream behind me. I remember hearing my father’s loud footsteps as he came rushing to my brother’s lifeless body. He’d yelled at my mother to call an ambulance, but my brother was already dead. It was already too late.”

Minho turned to look Jisung in the eyes and said, “My brother had been clean for five years before that happened, Jisung. Five fucking years.”

Jisung stared back at Minho with tears threatening to fall from his own eyes.

“I kept thinking,” Minho continued as he looked away from Jisung again, “what if I’d gone to my brother’s room even just a second earlier? I could’ve stopped it from happening—”

“It’s not your fault,” Jisung interrupted. It was the first time he’d dared to speak since Minho started baring a piece of his soul to Jisung.

“Isn't it? Whose fault is it, then? I was the only who could’ve stopped him, Jisung. Not my parents, not his friends, just me. I could’ve just smiled at him and told him things would be alright. Instead, I sulked alone in my room and thought about myself and how unfair the world had been to me, while my brother was alone and experiencing all this stupid fucking shit and—”

“It’s not your fault,” Jisung said again, firmer this time. The surprised look on the beautiful boy's face made it clear to Jisung that he wasn’t used to other people’s assurance. Minho didn’t have to say what he was really thinking, though; Jisung understood completely. Minho was afraid. He was afraid that what happened to his brother might happen to Seungmin, too. Minho was afraid that, once again, he might be a little too late to save someone he dearly loved.

Maybe it was the toxin suddenly running through his system again after such a long time, maybe it was the silence of the night, maybe it was how bare Lee Minho had been these past few minutes—Jisung wasn’t sure, but that night, he felt brave. He reached out for Lee Minho’s hand. When Minho didn’t flinch or take his hand back, Jisung took it and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Jisung didn't let go.

Minho spoke again, and Jisung noticed he was looking at their hands intertwined together. "In a month I’ll be older than him," he said.

Jisung smiled sadly at Minho and their interlaced hands. He wondered how long that moment could last.

After a few minutes of silence and staying still, Jisung checked the time on his phone: it was half-past twelve midnight.

“I just turned twenty thirty minutes ago, you know?” Jisung said in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. “I never would’ve thought I’d be spending my first hour as an twenty-year-old with you.”

A hint of a smile played on Minho’s beautiful lips.

“Guess it’s your lucky day, Han Jisung,” he said, his smile spreading a little wider.

“I guess you’re right.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MINSUNG FLUFF + crack ship (changsub x eunha!!!!) hehehe also i mentioned my other ult BTOB IM SORRY OK N E WAYS thank u so much for reading this :(((((

Minho didn’t expect he’d be spending the rest of night—or the first few hours of the morning, rather—with Han Jisung, celebrating the younger’s birthday. The two had been driving aimlessly around the city for what seemed to Minho like hours already. He never thought he had ever enjoyed a car ride as much as he did now. He turned to look at Jisung beside him, who was singing along loudly to the songs that played on the radio.

He had a nice voice, Minho thought, and he couldn’t help the big stupid smile that formed on his face as the other boy sang his heart out.

“Sorry,” Jisung said as the current song finished. “I love BTOB.”

“It’s okay,” Minho answered.

“You know that song?”

“Which song?”

“It’s Okay. BTOB’s song.”

“Oh. I don’t. Sorry.”

“You have to hear it,” Jisung told him as he searched for the song on his phone and pressed play. “It’s great.”

Minho was expecting Jisung to sing along to the song as well, but he stayed silent during the whole song. When the song was about to end, Minho glanced at Jisung and saw him wiping one of his eyes. “You okay?” he asked Jisung.

“Yeah,” Jisung said with a laugh. “I’m just a bit emotionally unstable at the moment, with all that happened today and shit.”

Minho took his right hand off the steering wheel and reached for the handkerchief he kept inside his pocket. He handed it to Jisung. The other boy just stared.

“Want me to wipe your tears for you?” Minho blurted out before he could even think about it.

Minho noticed Jisung’s face turn slightly red as he immediately took the handkerchief from Minho’s hand and answered a panicked, “No.” As Minho placed his hand back on the steering wheel, he hoped the other boy didn’t notice his face blushing, too. Why did Han Jisung have this effect on him? He stole a glance at the boy beside him, who was wiping his eyes with Minho’s handkerchief, and he felt something in his stomach. Was that what people called butterflies

Just then, Minho heard Jisung clear his throat. “So, uh,” he said, “where are we going?”

“I don’t know,” Minho answered.

“Oh.”

A few seconds of silence passed; only the faint sound coming from the radio could be heard.

“I used to hate car rides, you know?” Jisung said suddenly. His voice was quiet, unlike the cheerful voice Minho could very well remember. “I hated them so much, I used to walk everywhere.”

“Why?” Minho asked. He thought, Jisung seemed comfortable enough in the passenger’s seat of his car, singing along to BTOB. He worried he’d made Jisung uncomfortable.

Jisung let out a sad, humorless laugh before saying, “I hated being in the same space with my parents. It felt suffocating. I hated every second of it.”

Minho nodded. He understood. That was how he'd felt whenever he passed by his brother’s room, whenever he was forced to eat dinner with his parents, whenever he was alone inside their lifeless house. He glanced at Jisung, who was staring straight ahead at the road. This time, it was Minho’s turn to reach out for Jisung’s hand. Minho wasn't sure why he was holding hands with someone he didn't really know, but he liked it. He liked the warmth Jisung and his hand brought.

“The only car rides I’ve ever felt comfortable with were the ones with my friends and Chan-hyung’s family. I think I’ve spent more time with his parents than my own. Anyway—," Jisung turned to look at Minho, "—I guess what I wanna say is... I don’t hate this. I didn’t hate being alone in this tight space with you for hours.”

Minho smiled. “I don’t hate it either.”

The two drove around for a couple more minutes, their hands intertwined the whole time, until Minho stopped his car in front of an unfamiliar cafe. He rolled down his window and read the sign above the wooden doors: Coffee and Better Days was written in script. It was pretty, Minho thought, it didn’t look like one of those fonts you’d find in computers.

“Wow,” Minho heard Jisung say. He was startled at Jisung’s voice, it sounded so close. Minho's face was almost met with Jisung’s when he turned around. He didn't notice when Jisung had moved closer so he could see outside his window too. Minho could feel the other boy’s closeness, giving off warmth Minho wanted to bask in.

Minho felt warmth crawling up his face, too, as he blushed and he quickly turned away before Jisung could notice.

“Coffee and Better Days,” Jisung whispered as he moved away from Minho and settled back on his seat. Minho already missed his warmth. “Can’t relate.”

Minho looked around. The small cafe was the only establishment with lights turned on in the unfamiliar part of the city they had driven to. He turned off his engine and said, “Let’s go,” as he reluctantly let go of Jisung’s hand and got out of the car.

“Is it even open?” he heard Jisung ask.

“We’ll see.” Minho started walking towards the door when he felt Jisung’s warm hand grab his own cold one. He wrapped his fingers around Jisung’s hand and pulled him closer to his side. “Let’s get your birthday cake,” he told the smiling boy beside him.

Minho admitted to himself that he felt guilty. He'd left Felix and Jeongin at his house. Hyunjin was probably awake worrying about Seungmin. Seungmin... Minho didn't want to think about such things. He wanted to forget his sadness and his problems and his haunting memories. He looked at Han Jisung.

Just this once, Minho said to himself, allow yourself to be happy.

 

***

 

Jisung walked inside the small cafe hand in hand with Lee Minho, thinking that of all the things he’d ever imagined happening on his birthday, getting a birthday cake with Minho at past four in the morning wasn’t one of those.

Jisung could only think of one word to describe the small coffee shop as he stepped inside and looked around: it was cozy. It was also empty. He was about to ask Minho to just leave when a lady suddenly stepped out from a door somewhere behind the counter. Jisung thought she looked beautiful; her dark hair was cut short and she was wearing a flowy white dress that reached below her knees. She looked surprised when she saw Jisung and Minho standing near the counter. She looked at them with a questioning look until her gaze fell on their intwertwined hands. Her eyes softened.

The lady sighed before saying—more to herself than to them, Jisung noticed, “I must’ve left the door unlocked again.”

“Sorry, we thought it was still open—,” Jisung started to say.

“We wanted to get him a birthday cake,” Minho interrupted.

“Oh,” the lady said. She looked tired, Jisung thought, and he couldn’t help but notice that her eyes were slightly puffy. “I baked a cake,” she smiled warmly. She looked pretty even so. “It’s not done yet, though. Would you like it?”

Jisung looked at Minho, who just shrugged.

“Uh, sure, I guess,” Jisung answered.

“Okay, then,” she answered. “You can sit down anywhere, I’ll get some coffee.” and she went back through the door she’d come from earlier.

Jisung looked around again. The interior of the coffee shop looked pretty, the walls were beige with a few photos and artworks hanging here and there. The tables and chairs were all made of wood. Jisung pulled Minho by the hand as he went and sat down at the nearest table. The chairs had cushions so it felt comfortable as Jisung sat down. He was about to let go of Minho’s hand to let him sit, but the older boy pulled a chair closer to Jisung and sat down, his hand never leaving Jisung’s the whole time.

Jisung stared at their intertwined hands. Am I dreaming? he thought to himself. Except, he accidentally said it out loud because he heard Minho laugh softly and answer, “No.”

Before Jisung could die of embarrassment, the lady arrived carrying a tray with three cups of coffee, a small jar of milk, and sugar cubes. She set the tray down in front of the two boys. “Sorry,” she said as she transferred the things on her tray onto the table, leaving just one cup of coffee. “I can only give you brewed coffee. I don’t really know how to make the fancy ones.” She gave them a shy smile.

“No, it’s okay,” Minho told her. “Thank you.”

“Alright,” she said.

The lady lifted her tray up from the table and was about to go when Jisung suddenly asked, “Would you like to join us, miss?”

“Oh.” She looked surprised once again. “But, uh, aren’t you two on a date?”

It was Jisung’s turn to look surprised. He hadn’t really thought about it but… was he on a date with Lee Minho?

“We are,” Minho suddenly answered.

“We are?” Jisung asked in disbelief. He noticed the lady smiling at them.

“We are, Jisung,” Minho assured him. He turned to the lady again and added with a smile, “but we’d love your company. Don't worry, we're nice people.”

She smiled in return. “Thanks,” she said, "I don't doubt that." She set her tray back down on the table and sat on the chair facing the two boys. Jisung thought she probably needed some company, too.

“Sorry,” Minho told her, “for barging in. I thought the shop wasn’t closed.”

“It’s okay. I left it open, anyway.”

“Isn’t that, like, sketchy, though?” Jisung asked as the lady smiled and shook her head slightly to politely decline the milk and sugar cubes Minho was offering her.

“How many?” Minho quietly asked Jisung, indicating the sugar cubes.

“Two,” he answered.

“That’s a lot,” Jisung heard Minho whisper under his breath. He turned to look back at the lady. She was smiling at the both of them.

“Sorry,” Jisung said.

“It’s okay,” she answered him. “And it’s not sketchy. The neighborhood is quiet, anyway. And I—” her gaze shifted from Jisung and moved towards the door. “I’m waiting for someone, I guess.”

Jisung stared at the beautiful lady in front of him. He recognized the look on her face. He’d seen it on his own reflection way too many times—before he had music. That look of emptiness, Jisung thought, of longing for something, hoping for it to fill in the void in his heart, without even knowing why the void was there in the first place.

The same look Jisung had sometimes seen on Minho’s beautiful face.

“Is there something on my face?” the lady asked Jisung as she noticed him staring.

“No,” Jisung panicked a bit. “I was just—”

“It’s okay,” she assured him. “I get like that sometimes, too. I’m Eunha, by the way.”

“I’m Minho,” the older answered for both of them, “this is Jisung.”

“You guys aren’t from here, right? I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

“We’re not,” Jisung had found his voice again. “We were just driving around and he wanted to get cake.”

“You should always have cake on your birthday,” the lady—Eunha—said. “That’s what someone told me long ago, when I was young like you.”

“That’s true,” Minho agreed.

“I _was_ gonna get cake,” Jisung explained. “Just not this early. I should be sleeping and waking up to people giving me cake.”

“That’s true, as well,” Eunha suddenly looked worried, as if she’d just realized it was almost five in the morning. “Why are you guys driving around an unknown neighborhood this early, anyway?”

“We needed to breathe,” Minho answered shortly. Jisung thought it might have seemed rude, but Eunha didn’t seem to find it that way. Instead, she nodded her head, like she really understood what Minho had meant. Maybe she did.

“What about you?” Minho asked her, looking her straight in the eyes. Jisung was curious as well. Why would she leave her door open in the middle of the night? Why did she have that kind of look in her sad, tired eyes? Why was she sad in the first place? But of course Jisung had been too afraid to ask. After all, they were still strangers to her and she was still older than them.

“I was supposed to get married yesterday,” she answered with a sad smile. Just then, Jisung realized why Minho had been so comfortable talking to her, and why he’d seemed a bit more open towards her than he was towards other strangers. Eunha didn’t treat them like children. She wasn’t condescending like most adults Jisung knew. That was probably what Minho thought as well.

“It was sad,” Eunha continued. “Everything was already prepared. Everything was ready—” she sighed heavily, “—except for me, I guess. I mean, Ithought I was, but things happened and—”

The sound of an alarm startled the three of them.

“Oh!” Eunha clapped her hands excitedly and looked at Jisung. “It’s your cake!”

She excused herself and went back through the door and disappeared from Jisung’s sight.

“I like her,” Minho said after taking a sip from his coffee.

“Yeah. Me, too. You think she’s waiting for her groom to suddenly burst through that door?”

“I think she’s waiting for someone else. You know, someone her supposed-to-be-groom would’ve punched if he knew Eunha ditched him because of them.”

“You think she ditched her groom?”

Minho just shrugged. “Let’s not talk about her personal life anymore, Jisungie.”

Jisung watched the beautiful boy beside him finish his coffee. It still felt surreal, he thought. He knew he was being dramatic, but what good had he ever done in his life to deserve holding Lee Minho’s hand?

After a few minutes of having coffee and talking with Minho, Jisung heard Eunha suddenly call, “Happy birthday, Jisung-ssi!” She was carrying a white box tied with a brown ribbon. “It’s chocolate.” She smiled widely at the two and placed the box on top of the table.

Jisung stood up, accidentally pulling Minho up with him, too. The top of the box was clear plastic and Jisung could see the top of the cake through it. The cake looked pretty simple, he thought. It was covered in chocolate frosting and on top of it, pieces of chocolates and oreo cookies were carefully placed along the cake’s diameter. Chocolate flakes were sprinkled on the top as well.

“Wow,” Jisung said. “This looks too good to eat.”

“Trust me,” Eunha said, “it’s definitely better to eat.”

Jisung noticed Minho taking out his wallet and was about to pay, so he immediately took out his own wallet and said, “No, I’ll pay.”

“Oh, you don’t have to.” Eunha said as she declined both Jisung’s and Minho’s cards. “It’s a gift.”

“No,” the two boys said at the same time.

“Yes,” Eunha said firmly. “You know, we could stand here and keep this going, or you two could go on your way now. It’s—” she checked her watch, “—almost 5:30.”

“What?” Minho exclaimed, which took Jisung by surprise. Why was he suddenly in a rush? “We have a class at seven.”

“Oh!” Jisung realized. “Shit.”

Jisung took the box on the table with his empty hand and held it by the ribbon. He and Minho thanked Eunha and promised to come back with their friends next time, to which she agreed to and hoped she was there when the two boys do. Then Jisung let Minho drag him by the hand out of the cafe.

As soon as they got out the door, Jisung stopped dead in his tracks. In front of him stood a man he knew too well, just not personally. He noticed Minho had stopped walking as well and stood next to him.

“Excuse me,” the man spoke to Jisung. “Do you know if Eunha’s there?”

Jisung couldn’t speak. He was still in awe. Good thing Minho was there to save the day—or save Eunha, rather.

“She’s inside,” Minho answered.

The man thanked them and went inside the cafe.

“That's Lee fucking Changsub,” Jisung said.

“Who?”

“Lee Changsub! From BTOB. Eunha’s waiting for Lee Changsub? Oh my god?”

“Oh,” Minho turned to look back at the door as it closed. “I hope it turns out well.”

“I hope so, too.” Jisung remembered the look on Eunha’s face earlier as she stared at the door. He’d known her for an hour or so, but he was sure he wanted her to be happy.

“Let’s go,” Minho said as he led Jisung towards his car.

Jisung realized that the whole time they were there, he’d been holding Minho’s hand. He suddenly felt weird when he had to let go of the older boy’s hand so he could put his cake in the backseat and Minho could go to the driver’s seat. But as soon as Jisung had taken his seat beside Minho, Minho had grabbed his hand instantly and started driving.

“We should get Felix a cake, too,” Jisung told Minho.

“Seo Changbin-ssi might get jealous, though,” Minho answered with a laugh.

“You know, Felix told me I’m his platonic soulmate. Changbin-hyung can choke on his bread.”

“Oh? Then _I_ might get jealous.”

“Shut up.”

Jisung felt a blush creep up his face. He turned away from Minho and looked outside the window. The sun was already starting to shine. He still couldn’t believe he’d spent the first few hours of his birthday with Lee Minho. But Jisung knew that that fleeting moment of happiness would soon end. Later that day, he would have to talk to Chan and Changbin.

Later that day, Jisung would have to confront his demons once again.

"Thank you," Jisung said quietly, "for keeping them at bay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "coffee and better days" is from day6 jae's impromptu?? song go listen to it on youtube pls!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU


	6. Chapter 6

That morning, Minho walked inside their classroom hand in hand with Jisung. He felt everyone’s eyes on them. He didn’t care, though. He finally let go of Jisung’s hand when the younger took his seat beside Seo Changbin, who literally choked on his bread when he saw Minho and Jisung enter the room together.

Felix and Jeongin, who were sitting beside each other, were both looking at Minho questioningly. Hyunjin and Seungmin weren’t there, and Minho was reminded again of the guilt he’d felt when he was with Jisung earlier. He wasn’t sure if the warmth of holding Han Jisung’s hand for a few hours was worth the guilt that was eating him up.

When he got to his seat, he greeted his two friends good morning.

“What are you wearing?” Felix asked him.

Minho shrugged. “Comfy clothes,” he said. Coincidentally, he recognized the shirts his two friends were wearing, too, and one was a little too big for Jeongin. They’d come to school straight from Minho’s house.

“Were my parents there?” Minho asked them.

“Yeah,” Felix answered.

“Are they okay, though?” Jeongin asked Minho innocently. “They seemed stressed. They didn’t even notice us and they didn’t even ask about you.”

While Minho was sure Felix knew all too well how Minho’s parents treated him, he had forgotten that it was Jeongin’s first time sleeping over and waking up at his place.

 _Welcome to the Lee household_ , Minho had wanted to say, _where no one's ever cared about anyone since the eldest son died._ Instead, he offered the youngest one a smile and said. “They’re fine, Jeonginnie. You don’t have to worry.”

“Okay,” Jeongin replied. He seemed convinced, Minho thought. He did want to tell Jeongin about his situation at home, but at the moment it just seemed too irrelevant.

“Have you heard from Hyunjin?” Felix asked.

Guilt hit Minho like a truck again. He’d forgotten to call Hyunjin, one of his closest friends, that morning because he was too happy spending time with Han Jisung, someone he didn’t even know until a few months ago.

“I texted him when I woke up,” answered Jeongin, worry written all over his face. “He hasn’t replied, though.”

“I’m kinda worried,” Felix said. “I was trying to call him but he wasn’t picking up. I tried calling Seungmin’s phone, too, but no one was answering.”

Minho had never despised himself as much as he did that time. He checked his phone for the first time since he’d called Jisung last night: one missed call from Hyunjin.

 _Fuck_.

Just then, their professor arrived and it was time for class.

“I’ll try calling him later,” Minho told the two other boys, as if that could possibly make up for him not being there when his best friends needed him.

 

Once their professor had left the room, Minho immediately dialed Hyunjin’s number and ran out of the room. In the periphery of his vision, he saw Jisung looking at him with a worried expression. _No_ , Minho thought, _I can’t think about you right now_. He went out the door straight to his car with Felix and Jeongin on his heels.

“Hyung,” Felix said, “wait up.”

“Sorry, I—Hyunjinnie?” Hyunjin finally picked up after Minho’s third attempt at calling. The other two boys were both staring at Minho with worried looks on their faces.

“Hey,” Hyunjin answered from the end of the line. His voice sounded weak.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine. Seungminnie’s—”

“What happened? Why’d you call earlier?”

“Relax. Seungmin’s asleep. He was just, I don’t know, too stressed earlier? He woke up crying and he won’t stop and I was kinda panicking. I called ‘cause I thought you wouldn’t be asleep. But it’s okay. We’re all tired.”

But he wasn’t asleep. And he didn’t even feel tired last night.

“You should rest,” Minho told the younger, who probably hadn’t slept at all that night.

"I would if I could."

“Ask him if we can visit,” Jeongin said to Minho.

“Yeah. Please,” added Felix.

Minho nodded. “Have you asked Seungmin if we could visit?” he asked Hyunjin.

“Oh, yeah I forgot to tell you. Seungmin wants to see you. Can you come now?”

“Yeah, we’re on our way.”

“Already? Wow, okay. Bring some food.”

“Yeah, of course. Do you wanna talk to Felix and Jeongin?”

“Yes, please. I’m sick of your voice.”

“Same here,” Minho said with a smile before handing his phone to Jeongin.

“What’s that?” Felix suddenly asked as he opened the door to the backseat of Minho’s car.

“Jisung’s cake,” answered Minho.

“Jisung’s cake?” Felix repeated.

“It’s his birthday today.”

“Yes, hyung, I am aware of that.”

Felix stared at him in silence. Minho could hear Jeongin talking on the phone, but he couldn’t make out what he was saying. All Minho could think of was how much he hated himself. All he could feel was guilt.

“Were you with Jisung the rest of the night?” Felix asked, his expression unreadable for the first time since Minho had met him.

Minho looked his friend in the eye and answered, “Yes.”

Felix sighed. He took the cake from the seat. “I’m gonna go give this to him, okay?” he told Minho. “Wait for me here."

Minho just nodded and watched Felix disappear with the box. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then he called Jeongin’s attention and told him to get inside the car. As Minho slid into the driver’s seat, Jeongin handed him a white handkerchief that was sitting on the passenger's seat. Minho recognized it from earlier that morning, it was the one he’d lent Jisung to wipe his tears.

Everytime Minho thought about Jisung, he was reminded of the warmth the younger one had brought. But everytime Minho thought about Jisung, guilt ate him up, too.

Minho heard the car door open and Felix entered in the backseat. “Let’s go,” he said, and Minho started driving.

 

The drive was quiet. Only the occasional sigh and questions of what Seungmin would want to eat could be heard. They decided to just order at a KFC nearby. Unfortunately, it had no drive thru.

“What KFC has no drive thru?” Jeongin said out loud.

“The ones near Hyunjin’s neighborhood,” Felix answered. “They’re too rich for this shit.”

“That’s sad.”

The three of them got out of the car and went inside the fast food chain.

“Jeonginnie!” someone suddenly greeted from a nearby table. It was Kim Woojin. Bang Chan was there as well. “And Felix and Minho-ssi!” Woojin added.

Minho sighed and shook his head as his two friends left him in line alone and went to sit with Woojin. There were still three people in line in front of Minho. While he was waiting for his turn to order, Bang Chan suddenly went up to him.

“Hey,” Chan greeted Minho.

“Hey,” Minho answered. Would he really be forced to socialize right now? He almost felt annoyed, but Chan suddenly asked.

“How’s Seungmin?”

“He’s okay,” Minho answered. He was a bit surprised. He didn’t really expect Chan to ask about Seungmin. “Hyunjin’s taking care of him.”

“Oh. That’s good. I hope he feels better soon.”

“Yeah, me, too.”

“How’s Jisung?”

Now Minho really was surprised. “Sorry?”

“He was with you, wasn’t he?”

“How’d you know? Did he tell you?”

“No. He disappeared last night. I was sure he’d be at the playground so I went to look for him there.”

“How’d you even know he was with me? He barely knows me. He could’ve been with anyone. You should’ve been worried.”

“Just a hunch,” Chan shrugged. “And I _was_ worried, that’s why I was calling him. I would’ve called you, too, if I had your number.”

Minho didn’t answer. He just stared at the other.

“Last night,” Chan said quietly. “You saw us, didn’t you? You also knew Woojin wasn’t really coming.” He paused, as if for the first time he was unsure of what he was going to say. “You knew Jisung did it, too, right?”

How Bang Chan had figured all of this out, Minho had no idea, but he thought he now understood why Seungmin looked up to this person a lot. Chan felt deeply, Minho thought, he genuinely cared about people, much like Jisung. At that moment, Minho was sure that this boy who was just a year older had earned his respect.

“You know,” Chan suddenly said, “I initially took up psychology so I could help Jisung. Turned out, he's actually the one who helped me. Changbin and Woojin did, too, but Jisung the most.”

Minho was speechless. He wasn’t sure why Chan was telling him this at a KFC branch at nine in the morning.

“I know this is weird,” Chan continued, “and you’re not used to talking to strangers. Sorry, I guess. But thanks, Minho-ssi, for making Jisung happy.”

And Bang Chan left. Minho followed him with his eyes as he went to the table to fetch Woojin and exited the door. Minho would’ve watched Chan’s car leave as well if it weren’t for the cashier.

“Excuse me, Sir, may I take your order?”

 

“Hi, kids,” Hyunjin’s mom greeted Minho, Jeongin, and Felix as they stepped inside Hyunjin’s house—or more like mansion, Minho thought. “They’re up in Jinnie’s room. I think Seungmin just woke up.” She took the bags of takeout from Minho’s hands. “I’ll have someone set these up and bring them to you guys upstairs.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Hwang,” Minho told her. She smiled at them and left them to find their own way to Hyunjin’s bedroom.

Minho and Felix already knew their way around—figuratively and literally around—the house as they’d been there plenty of times before, but it was Jeongin’s first time going there.

“Minho-hyung,” Jeongin said as his eyes roamed everywhere. “I thought your house was big but Hyunjin-hyung’s house is bigger.”

“I told you,” Felix said to Jeongin, “Hyunjin is rich.”

“I didn’t know this was what you meant when you said they were ‘too rich for KFC.’”

“KFC drive thru,” Minho corrected. They’d reached Hyunjin’s bedroom after a flight of stairs. Minho knocked on the big wooden door. “Hyunjin loves KFC.”

A few seconds later and a tired, sleep deprived Hwang Hyunjin opened the door for them. He was wearing black sweatpants and an old gray shirt. He still looked good, though, Minho thought.

Minho stepped through the bedroom door and saw the sunlight pouring in through the tall glass windows. The warm, yellow light fell on the shelves lining the bedroom walls, on the floor, and on the bed in the middle of the room. There on Hyunjin’s bed, sat Seungmin, with his back leaning on Hyunjin’s expensive-looking headrest, smiling up at Minho and Felix and Jeongin as they walked towards him.

“Seungminnie!” Felix and Jeongin exclaimed as they rushed to Seungmin and gave him a hug.

Minho stayed back with Hyunjin. He put his arm around the younger boy and gave him a tight squeeze. Minho felt Hyunjin lean onto him and let him carry his weight.

“Have you even slept?” Minho asked him.

“A bit,” Hyunjin asnwered. “I wanted to make sure Seungminnie actually slept. Can you believe he still wanted to study? He was literally fainting and all he cared about was that stupid exam.”

“I _can_ believe that, actually.”

“I know, right? God, I love him so much.” Hyunjin stood up straight and put his arm around Minho’s shoulders. “Thanks, hyung.”

“Don’t thank me,” Minho said, his tone of voice a little less neutral than he’d intended for it to be. It alerted Hyunjin.

“What’s wrong?” Why did Hyunjin have to be this sensitive to others’ emotions?

“Nothing,” Minho said as he walked towards Seungmin, too. He knew Hyunjin didn’t buy it, but he was thankful that his friend had just let it go instead of prying.

“Hey, hyung,” Seungmin greeted him with a smile. He opened his arms wide, silently asking Minho for a hug. This kid can really be cute sometimes, Minho thought to himself. He smiled and gave the younger boy a firm embrace. He noticed that Seungmin was a lot thinner than he used to be, and up close Minho saw how tired and worn out his friend looked. It broke Minho’s heart.

The five boys suddenly turned their heads towards the door as they heard someone knocking.

“I’ll go,” Hyunjin said, “it’s probably the food.”

Sure enough, two women were pushing carts with plates of chicken and mashed potatoes and burgers on top. There was also juice and coffee and water. All five of them thanked the two ladies who’d brought their food and waited for them to walk out the door before digging in.

Minho was watching Hyunjin feed Seungmin slices of chicken and bread while Seungmin protested and told Hyunjin to go eat as well when he suddenly felt Felix’s hand on his arm.

“Are you alright?” Felix asked.

“I guess,” Minho answered with a shrug.

“Let’s talk later, okay? Please.”

“Okay.”

“What’re you two talking about?” Hyunjin called out, his voice muffled by the food in his mouth. He was finally eating, thank god.

“None of your business,” Felix answered.

“You’re in my house.”

“Watch me leave, then.”

“Don’t go!” Seungmin butt in. "I'm so tired of Hyunjin's pretty face."

Minho had missed this, he thought. It had only been a night without his friends bickering and he’d already missed it a lot. He felt his guilt eating him up again. How could he have spent the night happily with Jisung?

“You seem distracted,” Jeongin said, his voice low. He was sitting on the edge of Hyunjin’s bed, staring up at Minho while the other three were busy eating and talking.

“Do I?”

“Is it because of Jisung-hyung?”

Minho didn’t know why, but he couldn’t find it in himself to deny it to Jeongin. He sighed. “Yes.”

“You’re thinking about him right now?”

“Yes.”

“Well, is it good or bad?”

“I... “ Minho trailed off. He thought about it. Thinking of Jisung and his bright, warm smile and his hand intertwined with Minho’s own—it made him happy. Then again, whenever he remembered how he’d left Felix and Jeongin alone in his suffocating room with his suffocating parents and how he wasn’t able to answer Hyunjin’s call, he couldn’t help but feel guilty and hate himself.

Minho looked at Jeongin, who was looking right into Minho’s eyes. He thought, Jeongin still had this innocence in his eyes. Minho didn't want Jeongin to lose it, but of course he knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, anyway.

“I’m still not sure, Jeongin,” Minho finally answered.

“Can you tell me when you’re already sure?”

“Of course.” Minho smiled at him and ruffled his hair affectionately.

 

It was already late in the afternoon when Minho and Felix had left Hyunjin’s house. Jeongin had wanted to stay the night with Seungmin and Hyunjin since Seungmin said he was going back to class the next day.

Minho, Felix, Jeongin, and of course Hyunjin had all decided to skip the rest of their classes that day and keep Seungmin company. While there, they watched a movie and all of them started copying that one character named Groot; they played board games and Minho and Hyunjin both lost more than thrice; they also ended up just talking and chilling while lying down on Hyunjin’s big bed.

It's just like the old times, Minho had thought. He rarely felt sentimental, but he had to admit he really missed those times when Seungmin still wasn’t too busy studying, Hyunjin still wasn’t too busy worrying, and Felix still wasn’t too busy dating. Minho didn’t hold any grudges, though, nor did he blame his friends. It was just how the world was. Besides, he knew his friends were bound to leave him and he was bound to end up alone, anyway.

“So,” Felix said as soon as they were inside Minho’s car. “Why were you with Jisung?”

“I’m not sure if I should tell you,” Minho answered.

“Were you worried he might suddenly start cutting again?”

Minho was taken aback. Did Felix know about it all this time?

“You knew?”

“Yeah. He told me. He’s my platonic soulmate, you know?”

“I do, actually.”

“Yeah—wait, you do?” Felix seemed confused for a moment. “Anyway, that’s irrelevant. Why were you together last night?”

Minho sighed. What was the point of keeping the truth from Felix? Jisung would probably tell him everything, anyway.

“I called him last night, when you went back to sleep,” Minho told the younger. “I was worried so I asked him where he was, then I went there. He told me it was his birthday and then we drove around for hours until we reached this small cafe in a small neighborhood Jisung and I both haven’t been to yet.”

Minho paused. He remembered Eunha as she sat across from him and Jisung last night, her longing eyes glued on the wooden doors of her cafe. Minho glanced at Felix and saw the other boy looking at him, listening intently.

“We met this really nice lady, her name’s Eunha and I assumed she owned the cafe, and she gave Jisung that cake. She told us the shop wasn’t actually open but she’d left the doors unlocked because she was waiting for someone.”

The car came into a halt when they reached a stoplight. Minho turned to Felix and suddenly asked, “Do you know BTOB?”

Felix looked surprised but nodded.

“Apparently she was waiting for Lee Changsub from BTOB.”

Felix was staring at Minho with wide eyes.

“I don’t know him but Jisung does and he was literally frozen in place when we bumped into the guy outside the cafe. Then we drove back to go to class.”

Minho saw Felix nodding a few seconds before the stoplight went green and he had to focus on the road again.

“That was... quite eventful,” Felix said. He didn’t know that Minho had kept the details about his brother from him, about how empty he'd felt, and about how Han Jisung's presence had momentarily filled that emptiness. Actually, Minho thought, he’d never told anyone about his brother before. Jisung was the only one who now knew. Minho hoped to any god that Jisung would keep it a secret as well.

Felix cleared his throat. “So, uh,” he said, “what’s with the both of you, I guess? You were holding hands earlier. I mean, it took Changbin-hyung and me more than a month of dating and constantly talking.”

“I don’t know, Felix,” Minho answered sadly. “But he made me happy."

_Han Jisung makes me happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really really thank u for giving time to read this ily :(((


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt really plan for this fic to be /this/ long and it didnt really go the way id originally planned it.  
> **also, underage drinking im sorry i just ahsjsj  
> as always!!! THANK U FOR READING THANK U SO MUCH ILY

“Jisung!” Felix called loudly with his deep voice as Jisung watched him run towards him and Changbin, calling other people’s attention as well. He was carrying a white box tied with a brown ribbon—Jisung’s cake.

“Yo,” Jisung said when Felix had reached them.

“Happy birthday!” Felix handed him the box and gave him a big hug before turning to Changbin and giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Thanks,” Jisung said. He took the box from Felix and held it close to his chest with both of his hands. He noticed some of the chocolate on top was melting already; it had been about four hours since he and Minho had gotten that cake from Eunha. Jisung wondered what had happened to her and Lee Changsub.

“Sorry I couldn’t stay long,” Felix told them as he gave Jisung’s back a pat. He gave Changbin a quick hug before saying, “I’ll call you later, promise. Gotta go.”

Jisung watched Felix as he rushed back to where Minho’s car was parked. He turned to see Changbin following Felix with his eyes as well. Jisung frowned.

“Hey,” he gave the older one a playful nudge. “He’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah, I know,” Changbin answered without looking at Jisung. “That doesn’t invalidate my worries, but thanks.”

Jisung let out a sigh. “I know.” He was worried about Minho, too.

Earlier that day, Jisung had walked inside the classroom with his hand intertwined with Minho’s, earning him a surprised look from everyone including Minho’s friends, Felix and Jeongin, who also happened to be Jisung’s friends, too. Before sitting down and letting go of Minho’s hand, he’d noticed Seungmin and Hyunjin weren’t there, and he was immediately reminded of the things he and Minho had run away from last night. He could also suddenly taste the bitterness of the cigarettes he’d smoked that night in his mouth again.

“Have you talked to Felix at all since last night?” he asked Changbin.

“Not yet,” Changbin answered with a worried sigh. “He wasn’t picking up my calls and answering my texts.”

Jisung glanced sideways at his friend. It really was the first time Changbin had been seriously worried about someone he was dating; he had always dated casually, in every sense of the word. Felix really was something, Jisung thought; it was hard to break through Changbin’s walls, but Felix had done it. Despite everything, Jisung felt happy for his two friends.

“What’s with you two, anyway?” Jisung asked Changbin. “Are you two, like, a thing now?”

“A _thing_?” Changbin repeated blandly.

“You know. Are you, like, boyfriends now or something?”

“Not yet,” Changbin answered. “I was gonna ask last night but… things happened.”

“Oh.”

“It doesn’t really matter; there’s plenty of time to ask, you know, when odds are a bit better.”

Jisung nodded in reply. Smiling, he said to Changbin, “Felix really makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

“He does.”

Changbin was smiling fondly when Jisung had turned to look at him. Jisung wondered how many songs his friend had written about Lee Felix already.

“What about you ?” Changbin suddenly asked Jisung. “What’s with you and that Minho dude?”

“I…” Jisung trailed off. He looked down at the cake he was holding near his chest. Flashbacks of the events from last night hit Jisung like waves. He remembered Seungmin’s bleeding wrist. He remembered the pack of cigarettes he’d almost finished. He remembered Minho’s sad eyes as the moonlight played on his beautiful face. He remembered how Minho’s hand had felt as he’d held it earlier—soft and firm and reassuring, like he’d never leave Jisung’s side.

“Nothing, really,” Jisung told Changbin firmly. “ _Nothing_.”

“If you say so.”

 

***

 

“I still can’t believe you live here,” Changbin said as they’d stepped inside Woojin’s house for what seemed to Jisung the hundredth time. The house was huge . When Jisung had first gone there, he’d thought five of Chan’s house would’ve fit inside Woojin’s house.

“I know,” Jisung agreed. “Woojin, how rich are you, really?”

If Jisung were to be honest, sometimes he really did wonder how rich Woojin—or at least, his family—actually was. Woojin was also an only son, so Jisung really couldn’t help but think about how one day Woojin would inherit everything his eyes coud take in whenever he was at Woojin’s place. _Damn_ , Jisung thought to himself, _Woojin’s hella rich_. Sometimes he also wondered how they’d even become friends.

“I’m not rich,” Woojin said, just like he’d done a thousand times before. “My grandparents are. There’s a difference.”

“Not really,” Chan said under his breath. Only Jisung seemed to have heard him, though. Jisung turned to look at his friend, whose eyes were wandering around the house’s large interior.

Jisung wondered what was really going on between Chan and Woojin. He knew they liked each other, and they knew they liked each other as well, so he didn’t really know what was stopping them. He’d tried asking Chan about it, but everytime he did, the other just brushed it off and changed the topic. Jisung hadn’t exactly had the chance to ask Woojin, though, and he didn’t really know how he’d bring the topic up.

“Wait here,” Woojin told the other three as they’d entered the living room. “I just have to get something.”

Jisung sat down on Kim Woojin's comfortable sofa as he watched him run up a flight of stairs.

“So,” Changbin suddenly spoke, looking directly at Chan. “Have you two finally talked about—,” he shrugged, “— this?”

“What do you mean, _this_?”

“You know, Bang Chan-ssi,” Changbin answered. Jisung recognized a hint of irritation in his voice, “we could sit here all day and pretend like we don’t understand each other, or you could tell us shit like we’ve been friends for more than ten years.”

“There’s really nothing to talk about, Changbin.”

“Why do you that?” Jisung asked Chan. “You always tell us to talk to you when something’s going on but you never really tell us anything.”

Jisung stared at Chan, who just shook his head slowly at the two younger boys. In all the years Jisung had known Chan, he’d been a pillar of strength to both him and Changbin. Chan had been nothing but strong, Jisung thought, but of course even the strongest ones grew tired sometimes.

“Chan,” Jisung heard Changbin say softly, “sometimes you should consider your own feelings, too.”

“I do—,”

“Happy birthday, Jisung!” Woojin called loudly as he went down the stairs. He was carrying a black paper bag—a gift for Jisung.

Jisung tried really hard to hide the slight annoyance on his face. Chan was supposed to say something, but he and Changbin were probably never going to get to hear it again. Luckily, as soon as Woojin had reached where the three were sitting, he’d wrapped Jisung in a huge bear hug and didn’t really get to see Jisung’s expression. As much as Jisung had been annoyed at that moment, though, he couldn’t help but feel a surge of love and affection for the older boy.

The first time Jisung had met Woojin was before he went to college. Chan was already a junior that time and he’d invited Jisung to check out the College of Music in their uni, since he knew Jisung wanted to go there and was already planning to take the entrance exam as well. When Jisung had gotten inside one of the rooms there, he immediately saw and heard Woojin singing and playing the piano. Chan introduced them to each other and the rest was history.

For as long as Jisung had known Kim Woojin, he’d also known that Chan liked the musician, whose voice was so wonderfully emotional, it made Jisung’s hair stand on end.

“Thanks, hyung!” Jisung said with a bright smile as he was finally freed from the tight hug. He took the paper bag from Woojin’s hand. The paper bag was heavier than he had expected. “I’ll open this later at home.”

“Alright,” Woojin replied. He turned to look at the two other boys and said, “Let’s go.”

They all got up and walked together silently to where Chan’s car was parked. While walking, Jisung couldn’t help but notice Chan’s weird expression; it wasn’t exactly weird, but it was an expression Jisung thought he hadn’t really seen before. Chan had always been this smiling, almost fatherly, figure to Jisung. He wasn’t used to seeing the older guy… distraught.

Jisung took out his phone and sent Chan a text.

_**Jisung:** Talk later? _

He saw Chan look at his phone and type a reply.

 **_Channie-hyung:_ ** _Do I have a choice?_

_**Jisung:** No._

Once the four had reached Chan’s car, where they’d left their takeout, they took their usual seats and started driving back to uni. Chan was the one driving, Woojin was beside him and trying to feed him fries. Jisung and Changbin were in the backseat, imitating the elder two.

“Here, Jisungie,” Changbin said in an annoyingly high pitched voice as he fed Jisung fries as well, “eat some fries.”

“Shut up,” Chan told them with a smile.

Things were going back to normal, Jisung thought as he munched happily on the chicken burger the eldest two had got him earlier that day. He was back inside a familiar car, driving in a familiar neighborhood, with equally familiar people. He had almost forgotten about last night’s misadventures . He had almost forgotten about the cake sitting beside him in the backseat. Jisung had almost forgotten about Lee Minho.

Almost.

 

***

 

As night fell on Jisung’s birthday, he found himself sitting outside Chan’s house—or _their_ house; really, Jisung should stop calling it Chan’s house because he and Changbin had literally been living there for years that Jisung couldn’t even remember how his old bedroom looked like. His three best friends were there with him, as always. They had set up a small table under a tree in the backyard and put chairs around it. On top of the table were some of Jisung’s favorite food—pizza, chinese takeout, chicken, fries, and of course, cheesecake. The cheesecake tonight was especially good, Jisung thought; it had been from Woojin’s mom: it was a whole cake with twelve slices, except each slice was a different kind of cheesecake and Jisung wanted to try every single slice.

“Happy birthday, Jisung!” Changbin greeted him with a big smile, a smile reserved only for those whom he loved the most—a smile reserved only for Jisung, Chan, Woojin, and perhaps also Felix .

Chan held out a can of beer to Jisung. “Legal now, yeah?”

“Whatever,” Jisung laughed and took the can of beer from his elder friend’s hand. Jisung had drunk before, yes, and he knew it was illegal, but there were only a few things a sad teenager like him could’ve clung to back when they're alone and struggling in the dark.

“You can get yourself arrested now,” Woojin said with a smile as he bumped Jisung’s beer can with his own. “Try not to do stupid things.”

“Hey, I don’t—,” Jisung had wanted to say that hey, he didn’t do stupid things, but the knowing looks his friends had given him were all too knowing. “I don’t _try_ to do stupid things, I’m just stupid sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Changbin agreed. This bitch? “Imagine what would happen to you when I finally graduate?”

“But you’re graduating the same year, though,” Chan pointed out.

“I might even graduate earlier than you,” Jisung teased Changbin.

“I’d say fuck you but you’re not wrong; but still, fuck you.”

And they all laughed.

This was the life Jisung wanted, he thought to himself. Being with his friends, laughing, drinking, eating, talking, making music,—hell, even just staying in complete silence would make Jisung the happiest boy on earth as long as he was with the people he loved who loved him back.

Jisung never wanted that moment to end.

“Happy birthday,” Jisung suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to look and saw Chan handing out a fairly-sized box wrapped in a light blue paper and tied with a darker blue ribbon. Jisung felt a rush of emotions. Chan had already done so much for Jisung, he couldn’t even express how thankful he really was towards the elder guy.

“You really, really, really didn’t have to, hyung,” was all Jisung could say.

Chan sighed as he ruffled Jisung’s hair, “A simple thank you would do, you know?”

Jisung stood up and wrapped his thin arms around the older one’s bigger built. “Thanks, hyung,” he whispered in his friend’s ear, “for everything.”

Chan was giving Jisung’s back a reassuring pat when he said, “Hey, are you crying?”

Jisung wasn’t sure when the tears had started falling from his eyes and streaming down his face, causing the elder boy’s clothes to get wet.

“Hey, don’t cry,” Chan’s reassuring pats instantly turned into relaxing caresses on the younger boy’s back.

Despite the tears, Jisung laughed. He wasn’t sure if he was crying because he was sad or because he was happy, but he knew he loved his friends so much and he probably wouldn’t even have reached this age if it weren’t for them.

“I’m okay—,” he’d started to say, but was cut off when he felt the weight of Woojin’s strong arms as it wrapped around him and Chan.

“Guess I have to join, then,” Jisung heard Changbin say as Jisung felt his friend's small frame join in on the hug, too.

People passing by might have seen them and given them stares of judgment or fondness or maybe even disgust, but Jisung didn’t care. All Jisung cared about was that he was alive, and that he liked being alive, and that he was thankful he had stayed alive.

Nothing would have ever compared to what Jisung felt that moment, in tears and wrapped around his best friends’ arms—the joy of loving and being loved in return.

 

***

 

Jisung woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. He was glad it was a weekend, and he was thankful more than ever tnat he and Changbin didn't enlist in any saturday PE class. And even though he had a slight hangover, it didn’t bother him that much. He was still happy. He was also not sure how he had gotten to his bed, which happened to be the top bunk of his and Changbin’s double deck, while he was tipsy last night.

Maybe tipsy was an understatement.

The last thing Jisung could remember from last night’s birthday celebration was crying while being wrapped in a hug and then opening his presents.

Jisung had opened Chan’s gift first, it was a small white Polaroid camera. He’d been so happy when he had unwrapped that present. He had wanted to try it out already but Changbin, in his obnoxiously cute high-pitched voice, had whined for Jisung to open his gift first, and so Jisung did. Changbin’s gift was a silver necklace with a circle pendant. It was the same exact necklace that Jisung had always wanted to buy ever since he'd seen it when he had gone to the mall last month with Changbin. Jisung immediately wore it around his neck and thanked his friend with a big smile. Then he opened his last present: Woojin’s. Jisung couldn’t believe when he saw what was inside the paper bag the older had handed him earlier that day. It was a camera; a real, proper camera. Jisung had almost cried as he gave Woojin a hug and thanked him over and over again.

“Oh, good. You’re awake,” Chan suddenly appeared by the door to Jisung and Changbin’s room. “Breakfast is ready.”

As if on cue, the smell of eggs and pancakes and coffee suddenly hit Jisung’s nose and he immediately got down from his top bunk. He almost fell—god, was he still drunk?—and Chan just laughed as he made his way out of the room, leaving Jisung almost stumbling behind.

Jisung went to the bathroom first; he brushed his teeth and washed his face, he didn’t bother to comb his hair and change his clothes anymore since he would just be eating breakfast and staying at home the whole day. But he was surprised when he saw Felix sitting beside Changbin at the dining table, smiling widely at Jisung as he made his way to the table.

“Jisungie!” The bright boy greeted in his deep voice. “Good morning!”

“Hey, uh,” Jisung smiled shyly. He shot a look at Chan and Woojin, who were both busy setting food on the table. Jisung noticed they were both trying to suppress their smiles. Jisung sighed.

_These fuckers._

“I’m sorry,” he continued, “I didn’t know you’d be here. I look like shit.”

“Language,” Woojin said as he put a plate with two perfectly cooked pancakes in front of Felix.

“Shut up,” Jisung said as he took his seat and poured himself some coffee and drank. He almost spit his coffee. He forgot to put sugar.

“Here,” Felix handed him the small container of sugar cubes, smiling brightly at Jisung with his perfect teeth. “And you look fine, don’t worry.”

“Thanks, and thanks.”

Jisung put two sugar cubes in his coffee and took a sip. Much better, he thought. He took another sip—he almost spit out his coffee again.

“Oh my god, Felix,” Jisung exclaimed, standing up from his seat and rushing to where Felix was seated. “Oh my god, happy birthday!” He wrapped his _platonic soulmate_ in a tight hug. Felix was laughing the whole time, while the others were all smiling fondly.

“Are you drunk?” Felix asked in between laughter.

“Oh, he’s a lot worse when he’s actually drunk,” Chan said.

“Shut up,” Jisung got back to his seat and Woojin placed a plate with pancakes in front of him as well. “Thanks,” he told the older, who just smiled in return.

Jisung watched as Woojin placed another plate, this time in front of Chan. The look on Chan’s face gave off nothing but love and affection, Jisung thought. He wondered if Woojin noticed; he wondered if Chan himself even noticed the way he smiled whenever Woojin was around.

“Oh,” Felix suddenly said, his mouth still stuffed with pancake, and Jisung watched as Changbin wiped crumbs off the side of Felix’s mouth. He had to admit, it was kind of cute. “I’m gonna have a birthday celebration later this evening. It’d be really great if you’d all come.”

Jisung, Chan, Changbin all gave each other knowing looks. Woojin, on the other hand, seemed a bit confused as he watched his three friends exchange stares, which Felix noticed as well.

“Look,” the younger continued, “I know the other night didn’t turn out well—,” Jisung noticed Woojin give Chan a questioning look; Chan just shook his head slightly in reply, “—but I swear, my friends are great.”

“Felix, I don’t doubt that,” Changbin said, “But maybe they’re, you know, not the right match for us—.”

“Or _we’re_ not right for them,” Jisung butt in, with a teeny bit more malice than he’d originally intended to. Luckily, the others didn’t seem to notice.

“Come on,” Felix pleaded. “Like, just tonight—,” he looked down and sighed, “—I just don’t want Seungmin to feel like he’s ruined stuff. I want him to feel, I don’t know, _normal_ , I guess?”

This was something Jisung understood, and, really, it wasn’t even that big of a favor to ask; it was a party, and it was for Felix. He gave each of his friends a look: Chan nodded slightly, Woojin still looked confused, and Changbin had an arm around Felix.

“Okay, we’ll go,” Changbin told Felix without even asking for confirmation from his friends. Changbin didn’t need to, though. Jisung knew he had to be there to support his friends. He considered Felix one of his friends, too. He was sure that was how Chan and Woojin thought as well, even though Woojin still seemed a bit lost.

“Thanks,” Felix said, his eyes still looking down at his food. “I know I shouldn’t be dragging you into this. I’m sorry—.”

“Don’t be,” the other four said in unison, much to Felix’s surprise as he finally looked up from his plate and met each of the four other boys’ eyes.

Jisung knew there were different levels of friendship; people defined the word differently from each other. In Jisung’s book, though, he was sure that friendship meant being there for each other whenever possible. Friendship meant never invalidating the other’s thoughts and feelings, no matter how big or small or important or petty these feelings might seem. To Jisung, friendship meant putting the comfort of the ones he loved and cared about first, before thinking of his own.

“Why are you acting so surprised?” Changbin asked Felix. “Haven’t I told you, my friends are the best?”

Felix smiled that bright smile Jisung had come to love. “I know,” he said.

The rest of the breakfast went by pleasantly. They talked about music (they all missed Jeongin), dance (apparently, Felix loved to dance), and anything they could think about. Chan and Felix also talked about Australia, where they were both from, while Jisung and the others listened intently. It had all felt natural to Jisung, like Felix had always just been there with them. At that moment, he thought, he’d be really mad at Changbin if he wouldn’t end up with Felix.

 

***

 

“What do you give someone who already has everything?” Changbin looked genuinely worried as he asked Jisung the same question for what seemed like the hundredth time.

Jisung had been strolling around the mall with Changbin for what seemed to him like hours (when in reality it’s only been about half an hour), looking for ‘the perfect birthday gift,’ as Changbin had said. They’d agreed to just meet at Felix’s place later that evening, as Felix still had a class to attend with Seungmin and Hyunjin, and Woojin and Chan both had meetings to attend.

“Relax,” Jisung told Changbin for the hundredth time as well. “I’m sure he’ll like anything you give him.”

“Jisung, you’ve been reading too much stuff online, it’s poisoning your brain.”

“Whatever. At least _I_ already have a gift for Felix.” Jisung had picked out a simple black shirt with a yellow sun embroidered on the right chest area about an inch big. “Felix reminds me of the sun,” he’d told Changbin earlier when he was paying for his gift.

“You’re not helping,” Changbin sighed.

“You know what, you should make him a mixtape. Make use of all that music you’ve been making.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Hey, I’m serious,” Jisung stopped in his tracks to look his friend in the eye. “Don’t lie to me, how many songs have you made for Felix?”

“Not your business,” Changbin looked away from Jisung’s eyes and they both started walking aimlessly again, but not before Jisung could give out a small laugh and say, “Thought so,” under his breath.

“That’s gonna take too long to make, anyway,” Changbin said again after a few more minutes of strolling around.

“It’s 11:30 in the morning, Changbin,” Jisung said after checking his watch. “We aren’t meeting them ‘till 7 PM. You’ve got plenty of time. It’s not like you haven’t thought of songs for and about him, anyway.”

“Is that what you’re planning to give Minho on his birthday?”

Jisung choked on his bubble tea. Changbin laughed at the younger boy’s little misfortune.

“I’m kidding,” Changbin said as soon as he could stop laughing. “Let’s go home. I’m gonna make the shit out of that mixtape.”

“Fuck you,” Jisung replied as soon as he was done choking on his drink.

 

***

 

“Happy birthday, Felix!” Jisung greeted as soon as the other he opened the door to his apartment to let Jisung and Changbin in. Jisung handed him the gift he’d bought earlier that day and Felix took it enthusiastically.

“Thank you!” Felix said as he wrapped Jisung in a hug. “You’re wearing it!”

“Yeah, I really like it!” Jisung replied. He was wearing the red beanie Felix had given him earlier that day before he left to go to his class. Jisung really did like it, loved it even, and he’d decided to wear it tonight so Felix would know he appreciated the gift.

“I’m glad you did.”

Felix then went up to Changbin and wrapped him in a tight hug—and kissed him. Jisung left immediately to let the two have their… privacy.

After getting himself a drink, Jisung immediately found Jeongin sitting on the floor, playing a video game alone. He looked around and saw Hyunjin and Seungmin cuddling on the couch. Jisung really wanted to ask how Seungmin was, but of course it would be more than awkward if he’d just suddenly go up to the couple cuddled up together, right?

He also found Changbin and Felix, who were making out near the door. Woojin and Chan weren’t there yet. So was Lee Minho.

“Hey, Jisung!” Jeongin greeted him. “Would you like to join?”

“Sure,” Jisung said, giving the younger’s hair a ruffle as he sat down beside him on the floor. “What are you playing?”

“ _The Last Of Us_.”

“Is this even a 2-player game?”

“Actually, I’m not sure—Felix-hyung!” Jeongin turned his head to call for Felix, but Felix was still busy. “Nevermind.”

Jisung laughed. “Do you wanna play something else?” he asked the younger.

“I do, but I’m not sure where the other games are...”

“Oh. Dammit.”

It was Jeongin’s turn to let out a laugh. “It’s okay. We can just talk—wait, I’m gonna get more drinks.”

“You drink?”

“Well, duh, hyung,” Jeongin said, standing up from the floor to get some drinks.

“Happy birthday, Felix!” Jisung then heard someone shout by the door. He turned his head just in time to see Felix and Changbin spring apart in surprise and Lee Minho bursting through the door, carrying more food and drinks. Behind Minho stood Chan and Woojin, both carrying bags of takeout as well, and both smiling widely as if it wasn’t weird that they went there with Minho.

 _Did they come here together?_ Jisung couldn’t help but wonder. He wasn’t completely aware when his eyes had automatically gone to stare at Minho, smiling widely and beautifully as if nothing ugly and bad in this world could harm him. But when he briefly made eye contact with Jisung, and Jisung noticed his smile falter for a tiny bit, Jisung had to look away.

“They’re here!” Jeongin exclaimed. He placed the drinks down in front of Jisung, before running to greet Minho, Chan, and Woojin. Jisung set down his finished bottle of beer and took a new one from the set Jeongin had brought out and chugged more than half of it at once, even though he completely knew how weak he was at tolerating alcohol.

“Oh, dude,” Jeongin was suddenly sitting by his side again. “Chill.”

“I’m okay, Jeongin,” he smiled widely at his younger friend.

“You sure?” the younger boy teased.

“Yes, Yang Jeongin, I am sure. You wanna know what else I’m sure about?” Jisung’s question was answered by a stare, not just from Jeongin but also from the couple who were cuddling by the couch a minute ago. _Fuck, am I drunk?_ Jisung shook his head. _Am I really this weak?_ He faced Jeongin and looked him straight in the eye and said, “You like Lee Jeno.”

“Oh!” Hyunjin almost shouted. Jisung almost spilled his drink in surprise.

“ _That_ , I wanna hear,” Seungmin suddenly said as he pulled Hyunjin down with him and sat down beside the two other boys on the floor.

“So what?” Jeongin’s face was red. “What if I like him?”

“Then, that’s great!” Jisung said. “You’d make a cute couple!”

“True,” Hyunjin agreed.

“What’re you guys talking about?” Felix asked as he sat down beside Jisung and set down more bottles and cans of alcohol. The others went to sit down on the floor as well, so the nine boys made a bigger circle so everyone could sit.

“We were talking about Jeongin’s crush,” Hyunjin said nonchalantly, as if the youngest boy’s face wasn’t red enough with embarrassment.

“Oh, do you mean that guy who usually sits in front during English?” Minho asked innocently.

“Minho-hyung,” Hyunjin sighed exaggeratedly, “there are a lot of guys who usually sit in front during that class.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Minho turned to face Jeongin. “I’m right, aren’t I? It’s him—the one whose eyes disappear when he smiles. I don’t know his name, though.”

“Jeno,” Jisung suddenly said. He averted his eyes when Minho turned to look at him. “His name’s Jeno.”

“Oh,” Minho said blankly. “Jeno.”

Jisung isn’t sure why, but this made the air a little awkward, and he’s sure everyone else felt it, too.

“Can we stop talking about this?” Jeongin then said. He turned to Jisung, “I hate you.”

Jisung raised his hands in defense, thankful for this change in atmosphere. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know they’d all hear this shit.”

“Whatever,” Jeongin finished his drink. “Let’s talk about something else."

And so they did. The nine of them talked about anything and everything they could’ve thought of. They talked about movies, songs, artists, food. They shared drunk stories—one, too embarrassing for Jisung—and childhood stories—one, too embarrassing for Felix. When they got a bit more tipsy, they’d started talking about social issues, too. They talked about stuff they learned inside and outside their classrooms as well.

Jisung couldn’t remember the exact details of what they had all talked about, nor could he remember how many bottles or cans of alcohol he had already intaken. He could remember avoiding Lee Minho’s eyes throughout the night, though, that was for sure. And when everyone had gone tired of talking and laughing and had gotten up from the floor to either go to the bathroom, eat more food, or talk in smaller groups, Jisung was left alone sitting on the floor to finish one more can of beer.

 _Last one_ , he thought to himself as he downed it all in big two big gulps.

Jisung was already feeling the effect of the alcohol. He didn’t want to get drunk again and have Chan or Woojin or Changbin take care of him, so when he found an empty seat, he immediately sat down, even if it was beside a seemingly drunk Hwang Hyunjin.

“You know,” Hyunjin suddenly said a few minutes after Jisung sat down. Jisung jumped a little in his seat as he heard the other boy’s voice; he thought Hyunjin had already been asleep and besides, he would’ve never expected Hyunjin to actually speak to him. But the pretty boy beside him continued talking, “We went to Minho’s house earlier, all five of us. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard his mom say anything to him. Like, I’ve been to his house a lot, I even slept there and woke up and had breakfast and shit, but that was the first fucking time I’ve ever heard any of Minho’s parents say anything to him. They probably talk more to their maids than to him and to each other, really.”

Jisung stared at the other. He was sure that Hyunjin was definitely a bit drunk, but when Jisung looked into his eyes, he saw how sad and sincere he looked as he stared at Minho on the other side of the room, talking to Woojin.

It felt overwhelming, Jisung thought, seeing Hyunjin and his emotions up close. Jisung knew Hyunjin wasn’t really that cold, stony figure he let others think he was; Jisung had seen Hyunjin with Seungmin and Minho and Felix and Jeongin too many times now and he’d seen how Hyunjin only looked at his friends with love and tenderness in his eyes even as he called them names. Seeing it this close, though… Jisung wasn’t sure what to feel, since this was also the first time he’d _actually_ talked to Hyunjin.

“You know what his mom told him?” Hyunjin asked him. He didn’t really wait for Jisung’s reply and said, “'You should be more like your brother.’ That’s what his mom told him.”

Jisung was left speechless. He shifted his gaze from Hyunjin to Minho and found the older staring back at him with his beautifully sharp eyes. Jisung wondered if Minho knew what Hyunjin was telling him. He probably did.

“We were all shocked, you know?” Hyunjin continued, and Jisung reluctantly moved his gaze back to the boy beside him. “After his mom left, we were all like, ‘Hyung, you have a brother?’ and at that time Minho looked so cold and scary, I had this strong urge to scream out loud and run away for my life—,” Hyunjin laughed, “—but then he looked at us and his eyes literally softened and then he told us he had a brother who died when he was...” Hyunjin trailed off and it gave Jisung time to look at Minho again. Minho was still staring back at Jisung; Minho's eyes didn’t look too sharp anymore; Minho’s eyes still looked ever as beautiful to Jisung, but they looked a lot sadder, like they’re tired of seeing the world.

 _Why do you look so sad?_ Jisung willed his own eyes to deliver his message of concern.

Just then, Hyunjin spoke again, “—I forgot how old Minho-hyung was, but he was, like, really young when his brother died. I think he said he was six—”

“Five,” Jisung absentmindedly corrected Hyunjin, all the while his stare wasn’t leaving Minho’s eyes. Not until he realized what he’d just said. He turned to look at Hyunjin and saw that the other was staring at him with his mouth slightly agape.

“How do you know?” he asked Jisung; he suddenly sounded sober.

“I—” Jisung was about to answer when Seungmin arrived. _Thank god_ , Jisung thought. He didn’t know how he could’ve explained why he knew about Minho’s brother.

Luckily, Hyunjin seemed to have forgotten about their conversation, as well. He’d pulled Seungmin down on the sofa and hugged him tightly, saying things like, ‘I love you so much,’ ‘Stay here,’ ‘Don’t scare me again.’ Jisung felt like he was eavesdropping on a very private conversation. He heard Seungmin tell Hyunjin, “You’re drunk,” and then Hyunjin was breathing softly while his head was lying securely on Seungmin’s lap while the latter played with his hair.

“I’m sorry, Hyunjinnie,” Jisung heard Seungmin whisper to the sleeping boy. “I won’t scare you again. I promise—,” he pushed Hyunjin's hair back and placed a kiss on his forehead, “—I love you.”

 _Okay_ , Jisung thought to himself, _I should probably leave._ He was about to stand up but Seungmin suddenly spoke.

“I’m sorry,” Seungmin said out loud. Jisung wasn’t sure if it was directed at him, but he stayed in his seat and faced his classmate. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. He was facing Jisung now as well. “To all of you. I just—”

“Don’t say sorry,” Jisung interrupted. Seungmin stared at him, as if really just seeing him for the first time. “Please,” he continued. “Your friends love you; they’re there to support you. You don’t have to be sorry for what you’re feeling, okay?”

Seungmin nodded quietly. Jisung looked at him and swore he could see his younger self: sad and scared and alone and unsure. It broke Jisung’s heart.

“Look,” he told Seungmin. “I know we don’t really know each other, but I’m here for you, okay? If you need help. Me and Chan and Changbin and Woojin—we’re all here for you, okay? If for whatever reason you might need us, just, I don’t know, give us a call or something. You’re not alone.”

“Thanks, Jisung,” Seungmin said, sincerity pouring through his dark eyes.

“Here, give me your phone,” Jisung said, to which Seungmin obliged. Jisung dialed his own number on the other boy’s phone and saved it before handing the phone back to him. “Give me a call some time, yeah? And... when it all gets too much, don’t cut, please.”

“I won’t, Jisung, I promise.”

A few seconds later, Jisung received a text from Woojin.

 **_Woojinnie-hyung:_ ** _Let’s go. Chan’s drunk. I’m driving._

He quickly typed a reply before placing his right hand on the other’s left shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. When he got up from the comfortable sofa in Felix’s unit, he heard Seungmin ask quietly, “How long have you been clean?”

“Four years, Seungmin,” Jisung turned to face the other boy again and saw tears streaming down his cheeks. “I know it’s hard—and I swear I hated everyone who told me this kind of shit back then—but it gets better. Trust me. Please. You're not alone.”

“Okay.”

Jisung gave Seungmin one last encouraging smile, and Minho one last lingering look.

 _You’re not alone_ , Jisung had wanted so badly to tell Lee Minho, too.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading! :(( ily  
> also sorry for the grammatical errors and typos :(( english isnt my first language and i dont proofread before posting (i usually do it after posting lmao my bad i know sorry!!!)  
> [curiouscat](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also heres another update. thank you for still reading even though this story has probably already become too long. there are so many chapters ajjsjs lmao anyway i really, really, really appreciate everyone who has ever taken time to read this. thank you for the kind comments as well! they honestly really mean a lot :( aND ALSO omg thank you for 100 kudos???? wow??? i hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as i enjoyed writing it!!! :) :( :)

_Stop staring,_ Minho had been telling himself over and over again since he’d entered Felix’s apartment that night. He’d tried so hard to not look at Han Jisung, the bright, cheerful boy he’d once bumped into on a seemingly normal weekday. He’d tried so hard to fight the urge of wanting to hold the younger’s hand as they’d sat on the floor together with the other guys. He’d tried so hard to keep his own hands from cupping Jisung’s face as the latter had animatedly told his stories and intently listened to the others’ as well.

Minho had tried oh, so hard to not think about Han Jisung, and the way his lips curled up when he smiled, the way his eyes disappeared when he laughed, the way his face turned red as Bang Chan exposed his (illegally-aged) drunken mishaps.

Minho really did try. But when he found himself leaning by the wall opposite the couch Han Jisung was sitting on while he talked to Hyunjin, Minho couldn’t help it anymore. He allowed his eyes to focus on Han Jisung.

_I’m so fucking weak._

“He might melt.” Minho almost jumped as he heard someone speak quietly, and quite knowingly, beside him. He turned his head to look at Kim Woojin, who was then leaning against the wall as wall with his arms crossed.

“He won’t,” Minho told the older guy. “He’s stronger than that.”

_Stronger than me._

“Oh, he _is_ ,” the older nodded his head in agreement. “No doubt about that. But you have an effect on him; you know that, right? Same effect he has on you, I suppose.”

“I suppose.”

“You’re not even gonna deny it, are you?”

Minho turned away from Woojin, his eyes automatically falling back on Jisung’s face. “I can’t, Woojin-ssi. I can’t deny that.”

“I know. And that, my friend, is why you should stop sulking here. Just go talk to him.”

Minho scoffed. “I can’t do that, either.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Minho trailed off. He thought about the older’s question. Why couldn’t he just come up to Jisung and talk and possibly even go on another date? He’d done it before; he’d dialed Jisung’s number and he’d gone to Jisung’s playground and he’d even driven around for hours in unknown parts of the city with the younger, all the while holding each other’s hands. Why couldn’t he just do that again?

 _Because I hate myself. I hate myself so fucking much_.

“You afraid you’re gonna break his heart?” Kim Woojin asked, suddenly serious. Maybe a little too serious, even.

“Yeah,” answered Minho, “and you’re gonna break my face if that happens.”

“I’m a pacifist, Minho-ssi, so no, I’m not gonna break your pretty face. Besides, I don’t think Jisung’s gonna be too happy if I did that.”

Minho let out a laugh. It felt nice, he thought, laughing with another stranger. “Thanks.”

Woojin replied with a smile that looked so natural and carefree, like it was not the first time he and Minho really talked. Not to pick favorites, but right then and there, Minho had decided he liked Kim Woojin the best among Jisung’s friends. Bang Chan was too warm; Seo Changbin was too cold; Kim Woojin was like having the air condition on in his room while he wrapped himself in his comforter—it wasn’t too cold but it wasn’t too warm either, it was just comfortable. That was how Minho felt in the older boy’s presence.

Minho felt comfortable.

And maybe that was why, when Minho’s eyes were suddenly met with Jisung’s own softer, rounder ones, he couldn’t keep himself from keeping some things to himself. “I’m about to fall, _hyung_ ,” he admitted for the first time. He also called someone _hyung_ for the first time in a while, too, and it felt good, and if Woojin found it weird, he didn’t really let it on. “I don’t even know him that well but I’m about to fucking fall.”

_I’m about to fall and hit my head hard and bleed to death._

“Are you sure?” Woojin questioned. Minho heard no spite in the other boy’s voice, just pure… concern.

“I don’t know,” Minho said, his eyes never leaving Jisung, even as the younger had already shifted his gaze back to Hyunjin.

“You mean, you’re not sure?”

“I don’t know either.”

“You know,” Woojin sighed, “I’m not sure if you’re just really bad at navigating your own feelings or you’re trying to avoid something or you’re just blatantly lying to my face. I usually wouldn’t care, but it’s Jisung we’re talking about.”

The words felt like a slap to the face. Was he that bad at navigating his emotions? He didn’t really think so; he thought he was good at expressing what he wanted to express, good at finding where to hide his feelings and where to pull them out when he needed to. Was he trying to avoid something? _Possibly_ , he thought; but the only thing he was avoiding was thinking about Jisung, and he hadn’t really been doing good at that. Was he lying to Woojin, whom he didn’t really know but was suddenly trying to help him sort things out? _No_ , he decided, _I’m not gonna lie to Kim Woojin; I don’t want to_.

Besides, what was the point of lying anymore?

“I’m scared, hyung,” Minho finally said. “I’m scared I might hurt Jisung. I’m scared I might fail him, disappoint him, break him.” _I might leave him, too_.

Minho was amazed at how easily the words had just rolled off his tongue. Within a few minutes, he’d already admitted to Woojin the things he couldn’t even admit to himself. It had been so easy talking to the older guy with the warm, welcoming smile and sure demeanor. _No wonder Jeongin liked him so much_ , Minho thought to himself.

Woojin let out a sigh. Minho turned to look at the older and noticed his eyes turn soft as they fell on a certain Australian, who was chugging bottles of beer like there was no tomorrow, while another Australian and a dark-haired boy were hopelessly trying to pry the bottles from his hands.

“That’s part of it, Minho,” the older said with a sad smile. “Being scared, taking risks, sometimes even accepting defeat—that’s all part of falling. But that’s not all there is to it; there’s also that feeling of giddiness, you know? Of excitement, butterflies, as people call it; there’s comfort, security, validation, acceptance, love.”

“Is that how you feel for him?” It was Minho’s turn to ask. “Bang Chan.”

“Yeah,” Woojin said with a humorless laugh. “It’s pretty sad, actually. It’s not some skinny love bullshit; we’re both well aware of how we feel. He just—I don’t know, I guess he just doesn’t want to act on it.”

“Maybe he’scared, too. He just doesn’t know what of.”

“Oh, he’s definitely scared. He definitely knows what scares him, too. He just has to admit it to himself first.”

“That’s… sad. ”

“I know, Minho. I know. That’s why, since you know what scares you, you should at least try. Jisung’s a strong person. He’s small, yes, but he has a big heart. Inside that heart, there’s plenty of room for literally everyone—,” Woojin laughed a bit, and Minho let his eyes fall back on Jisung, “—but inside that heart, I know there’s still this void, which is small now, since Jisung had long filled it with music. You’d fit in that tiny space, Minho. You’d sit there perfectly, surrounded by his favorite songs, some of which he’d even made himself.”

Minho stared at Jisung, who was now talking to Seungmin and seemed like he was saying something important. He watched as Seungmin handed him his phone. A pang of jealousy Minho knew he shouldn’t be feeling hit him, but be quickly pushed it down; he tried to swallow it as he took gulps from the can of beer he was holding. In the periphery of his vision, he saw Woojin looking at him, which made it really hard to ignore what the older had just said.

“You know that shit people see in rom-com movies?” the older asked Minho.

“Yeah,” Minho answered without looking, taking another gulp. “Makes me wanna puke.”

“You know why people buy that kind of shit? Because deep inside, they know that’s what they want—they want love that’s cute and easy and fulfilling.”

“But that’s dumb. That’s not how love works.”

“I know—we know, and we gotta use that to our advantage, Minho. The reason you know how sickly sweetness tastes like is because you know how bitterness does.”

Speechless. That was how Minho had become after the many things Woojin had told him. He was trying to digest everything when he felt Woojin’s hand on his arm.

“We’re going ahead now,” he told Minho. “I think Chan’s drunk.”

Sure enough, Felix and Changbin were trying to keep Chan standing. Woojin had left Minho’s side and to the other boys to help. He took Chan’s arm and placed it around his shoulder, carrying his weight. Minho watched them exit the door, and his eyes lingered there for a while, trying to comprehend what could’ve gone wrong with Chan and Woojin, until he noticed Jisung standing up as well.

Minho stared at him.

He stared back at Minho, before turning away and walking out the door.

Minho finished his can of beer and crushed the empty can with his hand.

_I need another drink._

 

***

 

Minho had woken up late on a Sunday morning with little to no memory of what had happened last night aside from the exchange of words with Kim Woojin. When he’d opened his eyes, sunlight was already streaming through the window beside Felix’s bed. _Right_ , he thought, _we celebrated Felix’s birthday last night._

Sitting up, he looked down beside him and saw Jeongin and Seungmin sleeping soundly; the three of them had somehow managed to fit themselves on Felix’s bed last night. He looked at his friends with fondness in his eyes for a while, until he realized what he was doing must have been a little creepy.

“Aren’t they awake yet?” he heard someone ask from outside the bedroom.

“I’ll go check,” someone else answered.

A few seconds later, Felix’s freckled face appeared at the door. “Good morning,” he greeted with a bright smile.

“Morning,” Minho greeted back as he stood up from the fluffy comfort of Felix’s bed, leaving his two youngest friends alone to sleep.

“Hey,” Hyunjin greeted. He was seated at the dining table, eating some left over pizza.

“Hangover cure?” Minho asked his friend.

Hyunjin scoffed. “Please. You were the only drunk person last night.”

“Not true.”

“Well, if you count Jisung, then that makes two of you.”

“I was talking about Chan,” Minho snapped, “not Jisung.”

“Chill, dude,” Felix said as he poured Minho a cup of mango juice. “You don’t have to get mad.”

Minho let out a sigh. The thought of Han Jisung and his warm smile and chubby cheeks and slim fingers that had felt so nice intertwined with his own—it made Minho’s hangover feel a lot worse.

“This isn’t good hangover cure,” Minho said.

“I bet Woojin-hyung’s making some good hangover cure right now,” Felix said absentmindedly.

“Well,” Hyunjin started, “sorry if we’re a little too undomesticated for your taste, Felix.”

A pizza crust suddenly went flying in front of Minho and almost hit Hyunjin’s face. As it hit the tiled floor of Felix’s messy unit instead, the three of them bursted out in laughter.

It was times like this that made Minho feel that maybe life wasn’t so bad.

“Alright,” Minho said suddenly as he stood up and hit the dining table with both of his hands with a loud thud. “Wake the kids up. We’re gonna go have breakfast.”

“Oh, worm?” Felix exclaimed as he ran to his bedroom to wake the others up.

“But I heated up the pizza,” Hyunjin whined.

“Then stay here and eat your fucking pizza,” Minho laughed.

“Shut up,” Hyunjin got up from his seat and lazily made his way towards Felix’s bedroom, probably to wake Seungmin up.

“I’m driving,” Minho called as he went for the door, “I’ll wait for you at the parking lot. Hurry up!”

 

***

 

“Hyung, we’ve passed this street three times already,” Hyunjin said from the passenger’s seat.

“I know,” Minho sighed. “I told you, I don’t know this place.”

“Then why are we here?”

“Yeah, we could’ve gone to a nearby fast food,” Jeongin said. “I’m hungry.”

“Or we could’ve just eaten the pizza I so graciously heated up for all of you.”

“No one wants your pizza,” Minho replied as he looked out his window to check. “We’re here,” he announced. “Get out of my car, Hwang Hyunjin.”

“Whatever,” Hyunjin said as he did, of course, get out of Minho’s car.

The neighborhood was still as quiet as Minho remembered as he and his friends stood outside the door. When they stepped inside, though, they were immediately met with the noise of people chattering and the pleasant smell of baked sweets and coffee. Minho found himself suddenly craving for cake. He also found it harder to find an unoccupied table now that the shop was actually open.

“There,” Jeongin pointed out. A few occupied tables away from the counter was a fairly small, unoccupied table.

“That’s a pretty small table, Jeongin,” Hyunjin noted. His arms were wrapped around Seungmin’s waist from the back in a tight hug.

“Unless you wanna sit on the floor,” Minho told him, “or stay here waiting, that’ll have to do.”

“The food here better be good,” Hyunjin said under his breath, annoyance crystal clear in his voice, but when Seungmin let out a small laugh, his mood seemed to have brightened up a notch or two.

The five settled down at their table and waited for someone to attend to them. Minho looked around; the place seemed busy, he thought. He turned to look at his friends; Felix and Jeongin sat beside each other, both looking around the shop with wide eyes; Seungmin set his seat close to Hyunjin and absently played with the latter’s hand on his lap while attempting to read the menu by the counter; Hyunjin was just staring at Seungmin, and only Minho could notice the slight worry still staining Hyunjin’s face.

“Minho!” Eunha called out, and Minho quickly stood up from his seat as soon as heard her. He rushed to where she was and let her envelope him in her arms. Normally, Minho wouldn’t have let anyone do that, especially someone he’d just met literally days ago, but it was Eunha .

He thought back to the first time he had met this beautiful lady. It had only been days, but it seemed to him like so long ago. He remembered thinking that Eunha wasn’t like most adults; she was warm and friendly even towards him, a mere stranger barging into her supposedly closed cafe at four in the morning. She’d treated Minho with nothing but respect; she didn’t treat him as if he was inferior, nor did she treat him with condescension. Eunha had welcomed him and his hollow eyes that reflected the cold, needing feeling her own eyes once held. She’d showed him love and acceptance, even as he had held another boy’s hand.

He wanted to melt into Eunha’s embrace.

_This must be what it feels like to have a mom who actually cares for you._

“Are you okay?” Eunha suddenly asked. She probably felt Minho’s body limp its way into her embrace as well. “Why aren’t you with Jisungie?”

Minho finally broke away from the warm embrace so he could shake his head at the question about Jisung. He felt like he was about to cry. At eleven in the morning. Wow.

Eunha suddenly cupped Minho’s face in her small hands. Minho let her do it as well, because it was her and not anyone else. He looked up into her eyes; they weren’t empty anymore.

Eunha’s eyes were shining, he thought, with love and grace and warmth and passion and kindness. Minho felt a kind of fondness towards her, like something one might feel towards their mom or older sister, maybe. Minho wasn’t so sure, since he’d never really felt that before.

“Sweety, are you really okay?” Eunha asked once again.

Minho knew he’d meant to nod his head, to tell her, _Yes, everything’s fine and dandy_. Instead, he’d shaken his head once, and Eunha looked at him with warm eyes and a warm smile, saying it’s gonna be okay. Minho appreciated it, really, but sometimes he just didn’t believe things were still going to be okay.

“Thank you, noona,” Minho said with utmost sincerity. He didn’t know this lady that much, but he knew enough to be sure that she really meant well. “I’ll introduce you to my friends,” he added, this time a little livelier.

“I’d love that,” Eunha replied as Minho took her hand and led her to their table.

The other four were staring as Minho approached the table with Eunha by his side. He turned to her and said, “These are my friends,” and he pointed to them one by one. “Hyunjin, Seungmin—they’re dating, by the way—, Felix, and Jeongin.” He turned to face his friends this time, “This is Eunha-noona. She owns this cafe.”

“Hello, this place is really, really nice,” Seungmin said with a cute smile.

Felix stood up and shook Eunha’s hand. “I saw your cake,” he told her. “It looked great.”

“Oh, uh, thanks,” she replied shyly.

“We came here for breakfast,” Minho finally said.

“We’re hungover,” Hyunjin added.

“Right,” Eunha replied, her brows furrowed a little in worry. “l’ll have someone attend to you in a sec. I’m sorry I can’t stay for a chat, but it’s nice meeting you!”

Minho watched as Eunha left, wondering what had happened that had brought joy back into her once empty eyes. It was probably _That BTOB Guy_ , he thought as he took a seat once again and went through the breakfast menu a waiter brought them.

 

“The food was really nice!”

“The cafe was so beautiful!”

“The coffee’s really good!”

“We’ll definitely come back!”

The boys were all saying and thanking Eunha all at once as they’d gone out the door after having a very hearty breakfast of pancakes and waffles and eggs and toast and coffee. The gracious lady was replying tirelessly at the loud boys just outside her cafe. Her eyes were sparkling, Minho noticed. Is that what love does for some people? He swore he was happy for Eunha, and Felix and Hyunjin and Seungmin, but sometimes he just couldn’t help the bitterness that came with it.

All love had ever done to him was wreck him to pieces, even though it was probably a different kind of love from what Eunha and his friends felt.

He watched as each of his friends thanked Eunha and left to go to his car, each one of them still sipping coffees and frappes and carrying takeouts. Minho himself held a cup of iced americano and the box of cheesecake Eunha insisted he should take; he really didn’t know what he was going to do with the cake, but he really couldn’t say no to the kind and beautiful lady.

“Hey,” Eunha said quietly. Minho felt the warmth of her small hand as it went to cup his cheek. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“I don’t know,” Minho admitted. “ _I don’t know._ ”

Minho wanted so badly to cry, but tears wouldn’t come. What came were Eunha’s arms instead, as they wrapped around him once again. He felt like he would be coming back to this cafe sooner than he thought.

“You can tell me what’s wrong, okay? Call me. Or come here, but that’d probably be too much trouble—.”

“Thank you,” Minho interrupted. “Really.”

Eunha smiled at him fondly, with her now-meaningful eyes as they crinkled at the sides. Minho wondered if Eunha was used to people being unsure. Then he perked up as he remembered something.

“How’d it go, by the way?”

Eunha stared at him with a quizzical look.

“With the, uh, BTOB guy. I forgot his name, I’m really sorry.”

“Oh,” Eunha smiled widely again. “It went well! We’re back together. Hasn’t Jisung told you?”

“Oh. No, he didn’t. He's, uh—we don’t really talk.”

“You don’t?” Her smile was replaced by a worried frown.

“Yeah, it’s a bit… complicated, I guess?”

“I see,” Eunha nodded slowly, and Minho saw something shift in her eyes—there was sadness once again. She understood Minho, just like Han Jisung did. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Minho assured her. “I’m happy for you and…”

“His name’s Changsub.”

“Right. Changsub-ssi. I’m happy for the both of you. I really am.”

“Thank you, Minho. I want you to be happy, too, you know?”

Minho gave her a tight smile. I doubt that’ll ever happen. “Bye, noona,” he called as he made his way back to his car. “Thanks again!”

“Bye. Take care. Drive safely!”

When Minho got to where his car was parked, he found Felix waiting for him, leaning on the car.

“So that’s her, huh?” Felix said in his low voice; sometimes it still surprised Minho.

“Yeah,” Minho nodded.

“She’s nice. I like her.”

“Me, too. I wouldn’t take you here if I didn’t.”

“Why do you act so… different around her?”

“Because,” Minho said with a sigh, “I was with Jisung when I met her.”

As if that was explanation enough.

 

Jeongin had claimed shotgun for the drive back home to Felix’s place. The other boys were in the backseat; all three of them were in a food coma, and Minho could only smile to himself as he heard his friends’ soft, steady breathing. When he took a quick glance to his right, thouhg, he noticed that Jeongin was looking at him.

“You should sleep, too,” he told the youngest.

“Can’t,” Jeongin raised his almost empty cup of coffee. “I drank coffee.”

“Oh.”

“Are you okay?” The younger boy’s unexpected question took Minho off guard.

“Yes, of course, I’m okay. We just had the best breakfast ever.”

“Hyung,” Jeongin sighed, “if you were fine, you wouldn’t have drunk every last drop of alcohol left last night.”

“I—what?” Minho almost stepped on the break.

“Last night,” the younger one explained, “after Woojin-hyung and Jisung-hyung took Chan-hyung home, you literally drank all the remaining alcohol, even Changbin-hyung was a bit worried, but he had to go home and everyone else was either drunk or asleep, I’m not really sure.”

Minho took in a big breath and let it out slowly. “What else did I do?” he asked.

“Nothing. Like, you literally did nothing. You just sat down by the kitchen sink and drank and drank and drank until you almost fell and I literally had to take the bottles away from but you still found them and then you drank again until you literally fell on the floor and I had to drag your ass to Felix’s bed.”

Now that Jeongin had reminded him, Minho did remember sitting on the counter beside the sink and drinking a little too much last night. He also remembered staring into Jisung’s soft, understanding eyes from where the younger was sitting on the couch, talking to Hyunjin, or was it Seungmin? That part, Minho couldn’t recall clearly anymore. What Minho could recall vividly was that, last night more than ever, he’d wanted to drown out thoughts of Han Jisung.

A soft palm suddenly landed on one of Minho’s thighs.

“If there’s something wrong,” Jeongin whispered, “you know you could tell me, right? I know we haven’t known each other as long as you and the others did, but you can trust me, hyung. I may be young—”

“Jeongin, it has nothing to do with your age, okay?” Minho put on a smile and offered it to his friend. “I was just tired.” Minho knew Jeongin didn’t buy his fake ass smile.

There was a pause for a moment. Minho heard soft snores from one of the guys behind them. After a while, Jeongin finally spoke again, “You remember the other day,” he said slowly, “when we were at Hyunjin-hyung’s house?”

“Yeah,” Minho nodded. He had an idea of what the younger was about to ask him.

“You kind of promised me something, right?”

“I _did_ , didn’t I?”

“So...?”

Minho thought about it for a moment. Jeongin had asked him if he was thinking about Jisung, he’d said yes. Jeongin had asked if it was good or bad, he’d said he wasn’t sure yet. He’d promised Jeongin he would tell him as soon as he was sure.

What did Minho really feel whenever he thought about Han Jisung?

Happiness, Minho answered himself. Warmth. Acceptance. Understanding. Excitement. But also: Guilt. Pain. Hurt. Sadness.

Was it good? Yes.

Was it bad? Yes.

“I think,” Minho said out loud, “mostly good.”

 

Minho had dropped his friends off at Felix’s apartment. Hyunjin had left his car there and Seungmin would be coming home to his house that day as well; Hyunjin had decided that it couldn’t possibly be healthy for Seungmin to go back to ‘that hellhole,’ as he liked to call the Kim residence. Minho couldn’t have agreed more; he knew all too well how it felt being stuck in a place where everything reminded you of bad memories. Jeongin would be staying over at Felix’s place.

“Do you ever go home?” Minho had asked Jeongin as the younger was removing his seat-belt.

“Well, duh, hyung,” Jeongin had answered, and Minho had reached out an arm to ruffle Jeongin’s hair, before bidding his friends goodbye.

As he sat in his car alone once again, he felt the emptiness hit him like a crash. Sighing, he started his engine and started driving in the direction of his house as he readied for the, quite literally, bigger emptiness he would have to face when he got home. Except Minho didn’t want to go home yet. He didn’t want to have to pass by his brother’s untouched room and feel numb and hate himself again.

He turned the car around and drove, one particularly appealing location in his mind. Maybe he was hoping to see someone there.

 

Minho had parked his car a block away from the playground—the same playground where he had told Han Jisung the story of how he had watched as life slowly left his brother’s eyes.

Did Minho expect to see children running and playing around? Did he expect to see the playground as bare and as empty as he’d first seen it? Did he expect to see Jisung sitting alone on one of the swings again, slowly swaying back and forth? Minho didn’t really know what he expected as he walked towards the playground, but he was sure he didn’t expect to see two now-familiar figures sitting with their backs towards him on one of the nearby benches.

He didn’t know what he’d planned to do there, either, but he knew he hadn't planned to bump into Bang Chan and Seo Changbin. He also didn’t plan to eavesdrop on their conversation.

“I don’t know, Bin,” Chan said. “I just wish I could give you guys more.”

“Hyung, we’re not your children, okay?” answered Changbin. “I think sometimes you forget how much you’ve already done for us.”

“I’ve literally done nothing but the bare minimum—.”

“Have you forgotten who first introduced Jisung and me? Who first introduced us to music? Have you forgotten how you saved Jisung’s life when he attempted—?”

That was too much for Minho. In his panic, he rushed to turn around and meant to walk away, back to the solitude of his car. Unfortunately, Chan turned around faster than Minho’s feet allowed him to walk.

“Minho?” Chan called out.

Minho stopped dead in his tracks, sighed, and turned around to face the two. He raised both his hands and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hear anything, I just panicked a bit when I saw you. I’m leaving now.”

“What are you doing here?” Chan seemed more concerned about the fact that Minho was there than the fact that Minho had accidentally overheard his supposedly private conversation with Changbin.

“Are you looking for Jisung?” Changbin asked.

“I—,” Minho stuttered. Was he looking for Jisung?

“I thought he was with you, though?” Chan asked Minho.

“Why would he be with me?” Minho was confused.

“He said he was going out with Felix and his friends,” Changbin explained, “I thought that meant you, too.”

“Oh,” Minho said. They went out with Jisung. Minho felt a tad bit betrayed. He wasn’t exactly jealous, nor was he wishing he were there with his other friends. He just thought his friends would’ve at least told him.

“Was I not supposed to tell him that?” Changbin asked Chan.

“I don’t even know,” the older shrugged.

The two seemed to have already forgotten about their previous conversation.

“Right,” Minho said after clearing his throat loudly enough to get the two guys’ attention. “I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’ll be off now.” He quickly turned around again and started walking.

“Wait,” Changbin called out, much to Minho’s (and Chan’s) surprise. “Do you wanna hang out?”

Did Changbin just invite him to hang out?

“Yeah,” Chan, who was suddenly beside Minho now, put his arm around the younger’s shoulder. Minho had let him do it, surprising himself. He sighed. Had he really been allowing people to be touchy with him these past few days?

“Sure,” was all he said.

_What am I getting myself into?_

 

Minho enjoyed hanging out with Bang Chan and Seo Changbin. He really, really enjoyed it.

The two had brought Minho with them to a nearby arcade where they had played for what seemed like hours to him, but really it had just been _one_ hour at most. Minho had a lot of fun playing at the arcades with Chan and Changbin while talking about random stuff, from school to books to movies to music, but always nothing too personal. Minho had learned that the two made music with Jisung, and they called themselves _3RACHA_. In turn, Minho had also let them know that he liked to spend some time dancing and choreographing with Felix and Hyunjin in the studio.

Afterwards, the three had gone to Jisung’s favorite pizza place and shared a whole box of pepperoni pizza between them. Minho recalled Chan saying,“Jisung’s definitely missing out.”

Minho also recalled thinking Chan was too warm and Changbin was too cold, but anging out with them _together_ had made him realize how great they actually complemented each other. While Chan was all goofy smiles and loud laughs, Changbin was a bit more reserved, but really only a little less loud—Changbin was small, but his shouts as he got beaten by Chan at an arcade game were probably enough to render Minho deaf if he’d stood just a little bit closer to the younger. He had also realized how charming they both were. He’d noticed Chan’s dimple which showed whenever he smiled or laugh, and the way Changbin’s face changed completely whenever he smiled.

Unfortunately, their time was cut short by a phone call from Woojin. And the three of them had to stuff the rest of the pizza in their mouths and rush back home.

But even the ride back to the playground had been fun, too, thought Minho. He’d seated himself in the backseat of Chan’s car, listening to the two friends in front as they’d sung their hearts out to the songs on the radio. It had reminded Minho of Jisung so badly; it was a good memory, though. Minho thought Chan’s voice was great, too, although it was definitely a different color than Jisung’s and Seungmin’s. Changbin sang well, too, but what really impressed Minho was his rapping; the male spit fire, Minho had thought. And even though Minho had been sitting behind them, never had he felt like a third-wheel to the two friends. They had both been very welcoming, as if hanging out with Minho were a constant thing, so when they’d both asked him to sing along with them, Minho hadn’t even thought twice about singing at the top of his lungs—something he hadn’t even done in front of his own friends. Minho had also not expected to be complimented on his singing, though, so when the two friends _had_ complimented, he’d felt his face turn red.

When it was time to part ways, Minho was smiling widely at the two as he sat in the driver’s seat of his own car. They waved at him goodbye until he fully rolled up his window, started the engine, and drove off into the early evening.

Jisung has really great friends, he thought to himself.

Minho had really great friends of his own as well, of course, and now they were all also Jisung’s friends.

Maybe the universe had really been doing them a great favor.

Maybe he was starting to believe he _deserved_ that favor.

 

Later that night—or really early the next morning, (it would have to depend on what people considered two in the morning was)—as Minho was sitting alone on his bed, reading a book he’d randomly gotten from one of the shelves in Hyunjin’s big ass room, he felt his phone vibrate.

He sighed; he was admittedly slightly pissed that he was interrupted from reading at such an ungodly hour, but he put the book down nonetheless and picked his phone up.

His eyes widened.

He answered the phone immediately, “Jisungie?

“Minho-hyung!” Jisung shouted on the other end. Minho heard the sound of music blaring in the background.

“Are you drunk?” Minho asked.

This was the second time Jisung had drunk-called Minho.

The first drunk-call had been a few months ago. Minho had been woken up from his sleep by the ringing of his phone, and he’d picked up absentmindedly, not knowing it was an unknown number that was calling him. “Minho-ssi,” Jisung had said, and Minho had recognized his voice immediately. He’d sat up on his bed, about to ask Jisung what was going on, but Jisung had already hung up. A few seconds later Minho had received a text from the same number with, _‘Sorry. -Chan.’_ written. And after that Minho had not been able to go back to sleep.

“How’ve you been?” Jisung slurred from the end of the line. Minho had a hard time hearing what the drunk male was saying because of the noise.

“Jisung, where are you?”

“Oh. I’m out with my friends.”

“Where are they? Why aren’t you with them?”

“Changbin--hyung’s with Felix. Chan-hyung and Woojin-hyung are—I don’t know where they are, actually.”

“They left you alone? Where—?”

“No! No. I left them alone. So they could sort some shit out.”

“Where are you?”

There was no answer. Minho could only hear the faint shouts from people and the loud music coming through the phone.

“Jisung?” Minho said. He was starting to worry. “Jisung, where are—?”

“I miss you,” Jisung suddenly said. His voice was low amidst all the noise, but Minho still heard it clearly.

And then Jisung hung up.

Minho was left staring at his phone.

_I miss you, too, Jisung._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! thanks again for reading up to this far ashs  
> ps: my last two brain cells are all dead  
> [curiouscat](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> millennium line!  
> but honestly its just jiseung/sungseung & hyunsung sorry  
> ***t/w: slight mentions of self harm  
> 

Jisung woke up to the smell of coffee and an aching neck. He had fallen asleep on the couch again; thankfully, one of his friends—it was Changbin, he guessed—had been gracious enough to place a blanket on him while he slept. He’d stayed up late last night, writing. After his short conversations with a certain couple, he had felt so many things: he had felt sad, hopeful, happy, wistful. He had felt inspired. It was no wonder that, after he and Woojin had successfully placed a drunk Chan in bed and Woojin had gone home, Jisung had immediately brought out his laptop, sat down on the couch, and busied himself with typing down his emotions.

“No pancakes today?” he asked as he sat up, yawning and stretching out his limbs.

“No,” Changbin, the only other person awake, answered. “No Woojin to cook us pancakes, no Chan to make us toast.”

“That’s sad, Alexa play Wow.”

“That meme’s dead.”

“Your song’s not,” the younger boy countered. Somewhere along their music career, Changbin had made the mistake of comparing himself to Shrek. “I’m never gonna let it die It shall live as long as I’m fucking alive, hyung.”

“I know I should’ve let you sleep without a fucking blanket.”

“Nah, you love me too much.”

Changbin let out a loud sigh, “Yeah and I don’t even know why.”

Jisung smiled widely. He attempted to fold the blanket Changbin had indeed given him last night as neatly as he possibly could and placed it beside him on the couch before standing up and fetching himself some coffee. As always, he put two sugar cubes in the otherwise bitter drink.

“What time did you get home?” Jisung, sitting himself down at the dining table across the older, asked the latter. “I thought you were gonna stay the night at your boyfriend’s place.”

Changbin scrunched his nose as he answered, “All his friends were there.”

“Wait, you didn’t correct me.”

“What?”

“Is Felix your boyfriend now? Are you guys, like, official or something?”

“Yes, Han Jisung. Now please stop disrespecting my privacy.”

“Your first actual boyfriend,” Jisung said dramatically, wiping non-existent tears from his eyes. “I'm proud.”

The older (and very much annoyed) male put his face in one palm, while his other hand found its way to grip a spoon, which he raised in Jisung’s direction. “You see this spoon? This is gonna be the last thing you see before—.”

“How are you so violent while a whole Lee Felix is your boyfriend? Jeez, hyung, I just wanted to say I’m happy for you. How many guys have you dated and just ghosted, huh?”

“I told you, I don’t ghost people.”

“Remember that one time—.”

“Alright, okay, you can stop there. Maybe a few.”

“Definitely more than a few. Anyway, my point is, now you’re officially together with someone. And you’re happy.”

“I  _ am _ .”

“That’s great, right?”

“Yeah. It is.”

“I’m happy for you, really.”

“I know. Thanks, Jisung.”

“You’ve finally found the Fiona to your Shrek.”

And then the spoon Jisung didn’t know Changbin had still been holding suddenly went flying across the table, almost hitting the side of Jisung’s head, but luckily it landed on the floor with a clang, and the two ended up laughing as they drank their coffee and ate their stale pizza.

Contentment filled Jisung’s heart with warmth.

 

There wasn’t much for Jisung to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon, so when Changbin had gone out with Chan to do some grocery shopping and he’d been left to laze around the house, he found himself lying down on the couch and flipping through the channels on their TV. He didn’t necessarily like watching TV; he was the type to just watch the news and not really care about anything else that would flash on the screen once the news program was done. He didn’t really feel like writing songs, either. He must have drained his brain’s juices last night as he had stayed up writing already.

Needless to say, he was really, really bored.

“What am I supposed to do?” he said out loud as he pressed the off button on the remote. Of course there was no answer. There was, however, a box and a paper bag from two days ago—his birthday gifts. Jisung took out the camera Woojin had given him as a birthday gift, which he hadn’t used it since the night he received it.

The music major wouldn’t really say he was  _ into  _ photography yet, but during these past few days he had taken a liking to simply snapping photos on his phone; he specifically liked to take photos of the sky because it helped his mind relax. He still couldn’t believe that two of his best friends had really gotten him cameras for his birthday, though. He barely knew how to take photos. Yes, he had been so excited when he had unwrapped the gifts and yes, he was extremely happy to have gotten them, but if Jisung were to be completely honest, he didn’t exactly know what he was going to do with two different cameras.

“Well, Jisung,” he said to himself as he hung the camera strap around his neck, “guess you just got yourself a new hobby.”

He got up from where he sat, found his backpack sitting on the living room floor, and carefully put the white Polaroid camera inside. He walked over to where his laptop was on the dining table, took it, and put it in his bag as well.

_ I’m going out,  _ he sent Chan a text.

The reply came within a few seconds.

_ Okay. Take care. _

Jisung walked out the front door and looked around. What could he take a photo of? What could he see that would inspire him on a quiet, lazy Sunday afternoon?  _ The sky’s nice _ , he thought to himself. He looked up; the sky was a bit cloudy, the sun almost hidden from view. He snapped a photo on his camera.  _ Meh _ . It was a bad shot. He sighed.

Walking around the neighborhood, his feet had yet again brought him to the old playground., where he looked around at all the children playing and laughing, thinking to himself how it seemed like just months ago he and Changbin and Chan bad been one of those noisy children playing around.

He snapped another photo, this time of the empty swing set he’d spent the first minutes of his birthday sitting on. The photo turned out a little better than the first.  _ Inspiration _ , he told himself as he made his way carefully through the maze of running children and towards the swing and  sat down. Maybe he was hoping someone would arrive to hold his hand and drag him to beautiful unknown places again.

A sigh.

A humorless laugh.

It had only been two days since the “date” with Lee Minho, but it seemed like months to Jisung. The memory now left a sour taste in his mouth. It had been a great time, yes, but when he really thought about it, maybe they’d just used each other as an escape that night…

He shook his head.  _ No _ , he thought.  _ What happened was good. I even met Eunha and saw Lee fucking Changsub. And Minho held my hand the whole time. _

He remembered the warmth of their interlaced hands. He remembered Minho crying, smiling, laughing, talking. He remembered how the older had looked at him with a solemn expression as he’d bared the thoughts that haunted him, how he had looked when he assured Jisung that no, he wasn’t dreaming. He remembered how Minho’s lips had curled up in a kitten-like smile as he assured Jisung that yes, they were definitely on a date that time at four in the morning in a small—and closed—cafe in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

It had only been days, but Jisung really missed Lee Minho.

“I can’t understand you,” Jisung whispered into thin air.

Was the question meant for Minho? Was it meant for the universe, which seemed like it was just playing with Jisung’s feelings? Was it meant for the world, which was too cruel to people like Kim Seungmin? Was it meant for himself?

“Jisung!”

Jisung’s head rose up as he straightened up at the loud mention of his name.

“Jisungie! Over here!”

He turned around to find a black sedan car parked in front of the playground’s entrance. One of its windows were rolled down and Jisung broke into a wide, incredulous smile when he saw who had been calling his name.

“Felix!” Jisung ran towards the car. “What are you doing here? Are you looking for—”

“Hyung!” Jeongin’ head suddenly popped up from beside Felix.

Jisung was confused. He was happy to suddenly see his friends, but he really was confused. And then Felix opened the car door and hopped out. “Get in,” he told Jisung. “I wanna sit by the window.”

“What?”

“Get in!” the other practically shoved him inside the car. “We’re going out.”

As soon as Jisung got inside the car, Jeongin linked their arms together and leaned his head on Jisung’s shoulder. “I didn’t know you were joining us,” he said. 

“You know what? People are gonna think you guys are kidnapping me.”

“No, they won’t,” Felix said as he slid in beside Jisung. “Let’s go, Hyunjin!”

_ Wait _ , Jisung thought.  _ Hyunjin?  _ He looked to the front and, sure enough, Hyunjin was in the driver’s seat, rolling his eyes at his enthusiastic friend. Beside him, in the front seat, sat Kim Seungmin, who was now offering Jisung a warm smile. “I’m glad you came to join us,” he told Jisung.

“Uh…” Jisung furrowed his brows in utter confusion. “Sure.”

“Where are we going, exactly?” Hyunjin asked, barely even paying Jisung any attention.

“Don’t ask me,” Felix said. “This was Seungminnie’s idea.”

“What about the amusement park?” Jeongin suggested.

“Isn’t it a bit too late? It’s, like, 3 pm.”

“How about the—”

“Where do you wanna go, babe?” Hyunjin asked his boyfriend, cutting the youngest’s second suggestion in the process.

Seungmin considered for a moment, “I just planned to go to the mall…”

“Seungmin, baby, I love you but the mall’s not that exciting.”

“Let’s go skating?” he replied with a shrug. “But honestly, anywhere would do.”

“Skating it is, then,” Hyunjin announced.

Jisung watched as the three other boys cheered with the same detached feeling he had watched the whole conversation earlier with. He was too aware of the stuffiness he felt, sitting inside someone else’s car. He took a quick glance around him, and he felt like an intruder, like somehow he knew he shouldn’t really be there. And as he found himself sandwiched between Felix and Jeongin in the backseat of Hyunjin’s car, he felt like he was going to puke.

_ What have I gotten myself into? _

 

Jisung wasn’t too sure how he’d ended up playing truth or dare inside a moving car with four other people. He still wasn’t even sure why he was inside said car with said four other people, either. But whether he was sure or not wasn’t important when he found himself doing a handstand at a random gasoline station while people regarded him with looks of confusion.  _ Hyunjin had the weirdest dares _ , Jisung thought as he slid back inside the car and they drove off again.

“I’m gonna add this to my fucking resume,” Jisung announced. “People should hire me.”

“I’d hire you,” Felix said.

“Thanks.”

“Just so you know,” Jeongin told Jisung,”Felix-hyung has nothing to pay you with.”

“Next dare!” Felix shouted.

“It’s truth or dare, Felix ,” Seungmin sighed.

“No one’s picking truth, anyway.”

“True,” Jisung quietly agreed. They had gone three rounds of playing but literally no one had picked truth. Yet.

“But I’ll pick truth, then,” Felix shrugged. “I just feel like you already know everything.”

“Except Jisung,” Hyunjin said.

“True, as well,” Jisung agreed again.

“Okay, then,” the Australian said. “Truth.”

“Are you and Changbin officially together?” Jeongin asked him. Jisung almost choked on the soda he’d bought at the gas station.  _ They don’t know this yet? _ Granted, he did only learn about it this morning.

“Are you okay?” Seungmin asked him. He replied with a nod.

“Are you guys serious?” Felix exclaimed. “You could’ve asked anything but you asked me this? I could’ve told you this in normal conversations. But yes, we are.”

“Since when?”

“You never told me!”

The others exclaimed at Felix’s answer. Although, Jisung must admit, it had really been pretty obvious and even if it weren’t obvious, it was bound to happen sooner than later.

“Why do I feel like Jisung’s the only one not surprised,” Hyunjin said.

“Changbin-hyung told me,” Jisung answered shortly. Hyunjin never really spoke to him directly, he noticed. It didn’t really bother him, though, but sometimes he just wasn’t sure if he was supposed to reply to Hyunjin’s comments.

“See?” Felix said. “Not exciting.”

“I have an exciting one!” Jeongin smiled widely. “Jisung—”

“Why is it my turn again?” Jisung whined. This wasn’t fair.

“Because I said so,” the younger retorted. “What’s with you and Minho-hyung?”

Everyone fell silent. Jisung could suddenly feel the weight of the stares of the boys around him, even Hyunjin looked at him through the rearview mirror. He sighed. Why was he being asked this question again? “It’s not even my turn yet,” he said instead, “I just did a fucking handstand at a gas station.”

“ _ I _ have a question,” Hyunjin suddenly said as he and Jisung briefly made eye contact. “and my question is for Jeongin.”

“But it’s Jisung-hyung’s turn—,” the youngest started to protest.

“It’s not his turn yet. My question is how long have you liked Jeno?”

Jisung didn’t know if Hyunjin was just too uninterested in him and what he has to say,  but he was really thankful. Hyunjin’s indifference towards him had saved him from answering a rather complicated question—a question he’d been asked too much during the span of two days, mostly by himself.

“I hate you,” Jeongin said to Hyunjin. “Since I saw him at the freshman orientation.”

That particular story seemed too familiar to Han Jisung, who had liked Lee Minho since he had seen him during his own freshman orientation.

“Isn’t he in the same year as us, though?” Seungmin asked. “Why was he there?”

Now that the thought hit Jisung, he wondered why Minho was actually at their freshmen orientation, too, when Minho was two years his senior.

“He  performed,” the youngest explained. “He danced, and he was good at it. He was cute, too.”

“Oh,” Felix nodded, “that’s pretty cool.”

Minho didn’t perform, Jisung thought to himself. Why was he there again? He really couldn’t remember anymore; all he remembered was internally screaming at how good-looking Lee Minho was, and how much he had wished it were Changbin or Chan or Woojin sitting beside him that time instead of two unknown batch-mates whose shoulders he couldn’t exactly hit.

“I remember seeing Minho-hyung at  _ our  _ orientation, too,” said Seungmin. “He looked scary.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin laughed. “I thought he was gonna tell me to get the shit out of the auditorium.”

“Honestly,” Felix said, “I’d run the hell out of there if he  _ did  _ tell me that.”

“But then he delivers this fucking speech about academic achievements and shit.”

_ That's it!  _ Jisung finally recalled, thanks to the other sophomores with him at the moment. Minho had been one of the student speakers during their orientation, and he talked about… some stuff Jisung honestly didn't pay much attention to, because he was definitely paying much more attention to how pretty the Minho looked.

“Yeah,” Hyunjin laughed. “Back then I thought Minho-hyung actually studied. I thought to myself, ‘Oh, I’d never be friends with him.’ But now I’m friends with him and I’ve literally never seen him study.”

“Maybe he does it at night,” Jeongin pointed out. “So you won’t be there to bother him.”

“He bothers me instead,” Seungmin said.

“You love it anyway,” Hyunjin said as he brought Seungmin’s hand, which was interlaced with his the whole time, to his mouth and gave it a quick kiss.

“Get a room,” Felix told them.

“Get a car,” Hyunjin said.

Jisung, embarrassingly, laughed out loud. Everyone fell silent and looked at him. He felt his face turn red. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. And then everyone else laughed, including Hyunjin, and Jisung joined in again.

Maybe spending time with these people wasn’t that bad.

 

“Aaaargh,” Jeongin shouted as he fell on his butt.

Jisung winced. It must have hurt, he thought; the ice was cold and hard—and wet. He watched as Jeongin struggled to get back up only for Hyunjin to push him back down again.

He smiled from where he was watching. He was now seated on one of the chairs outside the skating rink. His feet hurt from wearing the skating shoes too long and his clothes were wet from falling once or twice, but he was still happy. He took pictures of the others, too, using the camera Woojin had given him, praying to anyone that at least some of his shots would turn out okay.

He snapped another photo, this time of Seungmin as he skated his way outside the rink and walked to where Jisung was sitting. At least it was an okay shot, Jisung thought.

“Hey,” Seungmin smiled as he sat down beside him, joining him in watching the other three still trying to get each other to fall.

“Hey,” Jisung offered the other boy a smile as well.

“Tired?”

“Yeah. It was fun, though.”

It really was fun. Jisung had a great time, trying to push Felix and Jeongin around so they would fall while the three of them chased each other inside the skating rink. Seungmin and Hyunjin seemed to be in their own world as they skated around hand in hand like a cute movie couple, Jisung thought. It had been long since he’d last gone skating, and he did miss it, so he really was happy that he’d gone with them, even if Hyunjin had been the reason his clothes were now wet.

“Sorry for dragging you here,” the other said shyly.

“Dude, what? I should be thanking you!"

“Oh? That’s good, then.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Seungmin.”

“No problem. Maybe we should do this more often.”

_ We? _ Jisung wasn’t sure if ‘we’ included him again.

“Seungmin,” he said, “no offense, but, like, why’d you bring me with you?”

Seungmin looked down at his shoes and sighed. “I guess I just didn’t how I could really talk to you,” he said.

“Talk to me? Why? Is there something wrong?”

“No. No, nothing’s wrong. Don’t worry.”

Jisung was suddenly worried. He remembered what had happened at the cafe again. “Seungmin, are you—”

“I’m okay, Jisung,” the other assured him with a smile. “Really. I just wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“For last night. I just—I didn’t wanna call you all of a sudden, so I thought it would be good to hang out today.”

“Oh,” Jisung said again, feeling somehow relieved. “You could’ve really just called me, I wouldn’t mind.”

“Didn’t you like hanging out with us?”

“No, I really did enjoy, it’s just… I feel like I’m—I don’t know—intruding? Like, this is something you and your friends do, right?”

“Aren’t we friends now, too?”

“Well,” Jisung replied. Were they friends now as well? “I guess we are.”

“And you’re friends with them, too. Friends hang out.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think Hyunjin wants me here,” Jisung admitted.

Seungmin laughed in response. Jisung just stared at the other boy. Why was he just laughing at Jisung’s concern? “I’m sorry,” he told him in between laughter, “it’s just, he literally pushed you around more than twice.”

“Yeah, and that’s something to laugh about? I could get sick, Seungmin.”

“You won’t. I have clothes in the car, anyway, in case you wanna change. And you should’ve pushed Hyunjin, too; none of us are as good as him at skating except you.”

“I could’ve done that, yeah, but he would’ve hated me more.”

“Hyunjin doesn’t hate you, Jisung,” Seungmin said with an amused smile. “He pushed you. He talks to you sarcastically now, though he kinda still addresses you indirectly, but he does that normally.”

“And that’s supposed to explain what, exactly?”

Seungmin shrugged. “It’s… kind of his love language, if you must say,” he said. “He wants to be friends. He’s just a little awkward sometimes—which is cute, anyway.”

“Oh?” Jisung doubted that, but he was thankful that Seungmin tried.

“Excuse me,” Hyunjin said. Jisung jumped in his seat; he didn’t notice Hyunjin arrive. “May I borrow your camera?”

“Oh,” Jisung said, “Were you talking to me? Sorry, uh, here, yeah, sure.” He handed Hyunjin his camera.

“Thanks!” Hyunjin said as he turned around and went back to Felix and Jeongin.

“Please don’t break it,” Jisung called. He wasn’t sure if Hyunjin even heard him, but he watched as Hyunjin—quite skillfully, he noted—took photos of his two friends, of the rink, of the other people playing and skating, of the surroundings. It seemed to Jisung like Hyunjin had done this a thousand times before.

“Is he into photography?” Jisung asked Seungmin.

“He used to be,” the other answered. “Back in, like, middle school.”

“Oh. You’ve known each other that long?”

“Not really. I just knew him. He was insanely popular even back then.”

“I see,” Jisung nodded. He knew by the look on Seungmin’s face that there was definitely something more to that story, but that story was meant for another time. Jisung did’t want to ask questions that were too personal, anyway.

The two boys sat in silence for a while, watching Hyunjin take photos so naturally, stopping once to take pictures of Jisung and Seungmin, too, although Jisung felt slightly weird posing for him. They watched as Jeongin successfully made Felix scream and fall and wet his clothes, and they laughed.

“Jisung,” Seungmin said after a few more minutes of silence. His voice was low, maybe intended so only Jisung could hear him. “You said you’ve been clean for four years, right?”

This must be what Seungmin really wanted to talk about, Jisung thought. “Cutting, yes,” he replied. “but, like, self-harm, not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“There are other ways to harm yourself aside from cutting, you know?”

“I think so, yes.”

Jisung remembered how he’d struggled with self-loathing, too. He’d hated himself so much, he did things to himself that he once believed he deserved.

“After I promised my friends I wouldn’t cut anymore,” he told Seungmin, “it was really easy to find other ways to hurt myself without, you know, a blade. I starved myself, overworked myself, deprived myself of sleep. I drank, I smoked, I almost got myself kicked out of high school—you know, that kind of cliche fuck up shit.”

Jisung almost laughed. “I was still trying to kill myself,” he said. “It just wasn’t evident on my skin.”

He smiled sadly. It had seemed so long ago since he’d done those things. It had seemed so long ago since he'd had that much hatred for himself. Jisung loved himself now, that was for sure, and he allowed himself to fully accept the love of others, too. Sometimes he just couldn’t help but still feel a little bitterness whenever he thought back, but mostly he felt relief and gratefulness and thankfulness that he was past that point. He wished for Seungmin to get past that point now, too.

“How’d you stop?” Seungmin asked.

“My friends,” Jisung answered without an ounce of hesitation. “They helped me a lot. Chan-hyung and Changbin-hyung and Woojin-hyung. I truly, honestly, really don’t know where I’d be without those fuckers. They’re the most selfless, loving, understanding people I know. I love them so much. They're the most important people to me right now.”

“That’s nice,” Seungmin murmured.

“Your friends are here for you, too,” Jisung reached out his hand and placed it on the other’s knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “ _ I’m _ here for you. We’re friends, right? I—all of us, we’ll help, okay?”

“I know,” Seungmin sighed. “I just wish there’s something I could do, you know? Like, I don’t know, a form of release? An outlet? Just something to let all this shit out.”

Jisung nodded in understanding. He knew how awful and constricting it had felt, not having any way to really let out all his pent up emotions.

“What was it for you?” Seungmin asked him. "What's your outlet?"

“Music, Seungmin,” Jisung said with a fond smile. “Definitely music.”

“Must be nice,” the other said quietly, almost to himself. There was wistfulness in Seungmin’s tone, Jisung thought as he turned to look at the male beside him. Maybe…

“Hey, do you wanna come over our house sometime?” Jisung asked. He thought about the lyrics he’d typed out last night. Maybe... Seungmin wanted to make music, too?

“I, uh…” Seungmin replied, taken aback.

Jisung was slightly hurt at the other's hesitation at first, until he realized he must’ve sounded  _ sketchy _ . He did invite someone who had a boyfriend to come over to his place. Yeah, definitely sketchy. “Oh my god, that must’ve come out wrong,” Jisung attempted to aid the impending sudden awkwardness. “I’m sorry, it’s not—I’m not—Chan-hyung, Changbin-hyung and I, we make music sometimes—”

“I know.”

“Yeah, and I was thinking maybe you wanna—wait, you know?”

“I found you guys on Soundcloud.”

“You  _ what _ ?”

“You sing well.”

“Uh, thanks,” Jisung said as he felt his face turn slightly red. He couldn’t believe Seungmin had heard him sing. “I try.”

“Changbin-ssi’s amazing at rapping, too. I had Hyunjin listen to one of your tracks once and he's really impressed.”

“Are you for real? Because I’m gonna tell Changbi-hyung you’ve heard  _ Wow _ .”

“I am,” Seungmin laughed. "And I  _ have  _ actually heard that one."

JIsung stared at him incredulously. He didn’t really have Kim Seungmin pegged as the type to listen to rappers on Soundcloud.

“And Bang Chan-ssi,” Seungmin said again, “is there anything he can’t do?”

“Date,” Jisung blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Really?”

Jisung slapped both of his cheeks with his palms. “I wasn’t supposed to say that,” he said.

“I thought he and Woojin-ssi are dating, though?” asked Seungmin.

Jisung sighed. It wasn’t like he could take back what he’d just said, right? Might as well talk his frustrations out with Seungmin. “They’re not,” he told the other. “Can you believe it?”

“Oh. I always assumed they were. They seem really… close? Like, not just friendly close, but  _ close  _ close. Like, Hyunjin and me close.”

“I know. It’s frustrating. I don’t get what’s wrong with them, really. They both know they like each other.”

“That’s… sad.”

“Yeah. It really is. And, like, seeing them look at each other that way just—” Jisung sighed, “—it’s like, they won’t allow themselves to be happy.”

“Maybe they’re afraid of it, you know? Of being happy.”

“Why would they be?”

Seungmin shrugged. “Sometimes people tend to be too selfish when they’re happy,” he said.

“What’re you two talking about?” Hyunjin suddenly asked. He, Felix, and Jeongin had finally come up to them.

“Of how tired you three must be,” Seungmin answered. He gave Jisung a smile, an assurance that everything they had talked about was safe.

“Let’s go eat,” said Jeongin. “I’m hungry.”

“I know a place near here!” Felix excitedly announced. “Their chicken is the best.”

“Nothing’s better than KFC,” Hyunjin retorted.

“Agreed,” Jisung said. And… was that a smile on Hyunjin’s lips?

 

The place Felix was talking about was thankfully just a few walks away from the skating rink. In no time, the five of them were seated comfortably and eating chicken. The chicken was good, Jisung had to admit, but he still liked KFC better. He wondered if Hyunjin thought the same. He wanted to ask him, actually, but the whole time they’d been eating, Hyunjin never really spoke a single word to him, so he thought it wouldn’t really be a good idea to ask Hyunjin about his chicken preferences.

About an hour later, the five had finished dozens of chicken wings, a plate of fries, and a plate of nachos. Jisung felt full. He wanted to sleep. Good thing he was seated at the back, he could easily lean his head on either Felix’s or Jeongin’s shoulder and sleep comfortably. Or so he thought.

“I’m claiming the backseat,” Seungmin announced.

“Me, too,” Felix added.

“Me, three,” Jeongin exclaimed.

“Oh,” was what Jisung said.

_ Oh, no _ , was what he thought.

 

Awkward was an understatement of how Jisung felt, sitting beside Hwang Hyunjin.

He thought back to the short conversation they’d just last night during Felix’s birthday celebration. He didn't think he could ever forget how concerned the cold, untouchable Hyunjin had sounded that time as he talked about Minho’s mother and brother, and the surprised look on his face when Jisung had corrected him about Minho’s age. He let out a sigh.

And here I thought this car ride wouldn’t be that suffocating.

“Seat-belt, please,” Hyunjin said. Without a word, Jisung immediately put on his seat-belt. Hyunjin started driving. “You know,” he said again after a few minutes of noiselessly driving through the night, “I don’t bite.”

Jisung turned to glance at the pretty boy beside him before letting out a small laugh, but still didn’t say anything. What was there to say, anyway?

“You should also know,” the other continued, “that I wasn’t drunk last night.”

Now Jisung really stared at him. Up close, Jisung saw the flaws of the flawless Hwang Hyunjin . Jisung noticed he had bags under his eyes just like every other student in their university; his plump lips were chapped, just like Jisung’s thinner ones; and he had a few acne marks near his forehead.

“Stop staring at me like that,” Hyunjin snapped. It wasn’t really harsh, Jisung thought, but there was a tinge of actual annoyance and irritation in his voice and it was apparent in the way he scowled.

“Sorry,” Jisung said quietly. Seriously, why was he so intimidated of Hwang Hyunjin? They were the same age, and in the same year, what was different? But of course Jisung knew what was different, and he didn’t have to repeat it to himself. Hyunjin was beautiful, not in the same god-like way Lee Minho was, but rather in a more conventional way—in a way that would really make people do double-takes the moment their eyes fell on him. Hyunjin was also very intelligent; Jisung noticed him one time reading a book that seemed really boring before class started. Hyunjin was also rich, and in the society Jisung lived in, the poor were never really given much attention—but that wasn’t a topic Jisung wanted to think much about that time, he’d already spent countless nights crying himself to sleep, feeling guilty of his own privilege as he wrote songs about the way he’d felt.

“No, I’m sorry,” Hyunjin spoke again, “I’m just a bit—," he sighed, "—I feel uncomfortable when people stare at me, okay?”

“Are you for real?”

“Yeah, contrary to popular belief, I actually hate the amount of attention.”

“Is that why you try to look intimidating?”

“I don’t look intimidating—wait, do I?”

“No offense, but you do, bro.”

“No wonder people like dragging my boyfriend everywhere without me.” Well, maybe Hwang Hyunjin wasn’t so scary, after all. “So,” he started again. For the first time since Jisung had talked to him, he sounded a bit hesitant, “about that night…”

Jisung sighed. He looked straight ahead onto the road lit by the moon and the car headlights. He knew he couldn’t escape the other boy’s questions, anyway. “What about it?” he answered.

“Look, I’m not gonna ask how you knew about Minho-hyung and his brother, okay? Even though I'm a bit jealous because I’ve known him longer than you have and I literally just learned about it by accident. I…” Hyunjin trailed off.

Jisung understood where he was coming from. If he were Hyunjin, he’d be whining at how a stranger knew more about his best friend than he did. But Hyunjin was… sensitive , Jisung realized; Hyunjin felt for other people, and he knew how uncomfortable Minho would’ve been if he were subjected to the topic of his dead brother when he clearly didn’t want to be. It was also then that Jisung realized that, earlier when they had played that stupid truth or dare game, Hyunjin had actually saved him from answering Jeongin’s question about Minho. It wasn’t because Hyunjin didn’t care about him or that he wasn’t interested in hearing the answer; it was because he immediately knew that it made Jisung uncomfortable, and that maybe things weren’t clear between him and Minho yet.

Jisung was thankful that Hyunjin chose not to pry. He was thankful that Hyunjin understood where lines were drawn. He was thankful that Hyunjin was really not the cold, previleged, brat other people thought he was.

Hyunjin let out a sigh, startling Jisung from his thoughts. “I trust hyung,” he told Jisung, “and... if he trusted you with that information, then that’s great, I guess. It’s good that he isn’t keeping everything to himself anymore. But—,” he turned to look at Jisung briefly, “—I think he needs you, Jisung.”

Jisung stared at him in disbelief. Who needed him? Lee Minho needed him, Han Jisung? Never in his life had he ever thought he would be hearing that kind of shit. He also never thought he would be hearing that kind of shit from Hwang Hyunjin. All he could say was, “What?”

“Minho-hyung’s a really great friend. He’s always been there for us and he’s been nothing but a great support but he—I don’t know—he shuts us out? Like, whenever I feel like he’s troubled, I try to ask him what’s wrong and he always just brushes it off like it’s no big deal. And I know  _ when  _ he’s troubled; he might think he’s fooling us but he’s not. But I respect him, you know? I respect that he’s not comfortable with sharing all the shit that goes through his head, or that he’s just not that good at articulating feelings, or something. I know how it feels, and I know you do, too.”

And Jisung did, really. He knew how it felt like to invalidate his own thoughts and feelings and shut the rest of the world out. He knew it all too well. The difference was: he had Chan and Changbin and Woojin, who—while they did respect Jisung’s decisions, too—knew just how to coax the words out of him and helped him find solutions to his problems together, and Jisung  _ would let  _ them help .

“I really love Minho-hyung, Jisung,” Hyunjin’s voice was quiet, solemn even, like what he was saying was a secret. “And there are a lot of things I still don’t understand, but if he trusts you then I’ll trust you, too.”

“You shouldn’t,” Jisung replied. “Both of you shouldn’t.”

The rest of the car ride was silent until they reached Jisung’s house.

He took off his seat-belt, turned around to find the other three still asleep in the backseat, and sighed. “Bye, sleepyheads,” he whispered. He turned to Hyunjin, who was staring straight ahead, but his cold demeanor was gone. Jisung wasn’t even sure if the cold demeanor had really been there in the first place.  “Bye, Hyunjin,” he told the other boy, “thanks for the ride.”

“Thanks for helping Seungminnie,” he replied. He looked away from the road to offer Jisung a warm, bright, unfiltered smile; a smile that made his eyes disappear like they do whenever he laughs; a smile full of sincerity. “I mean it. See you tomorrow.”

Maybe Seungmin was right? Maybe Hyunjin did really want to be friends with Jisung?

He watched the car as it drove off and turned the corner going to the old playground and disappeared from his sight. Hyunjin’s words were echoing inside his head the whole time.

_ “I think he needs you.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! i really appreciate the comments!!! u guys are so nice i dont deserve it but thanks really :((( i hope u liked this chapter!  
> [curiouscat!](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz)


	10. Chapter 10

The warm sunlight hit Jisung’s face as he felt himself go back into a state of wakefulness. Ever so slowly, he lifted his heavy eyelids, only for he light of the afternoon sun to cause his eyes to squint. He needed to get up, but his head hurt, and the old couch in their living was somehow a bit too comfortable today.

With his still squinted eyes, he recognized movement somewhere to his right. In the periphery of his vision, he saw a figure who was probably Chan making breakfast or lunch or both. Chan was cooking exceptionally noiselessly today, noted a still sleepy and still dizzy Jisung. There was a light, melodic sound that was clearly not the usual hip-hop playing in the background. Chan was also moving exceptionally…  _ gracefully _ . He turned to his side to try and take a better look.

His heavy, squinted eyes shot open in a millisecond.

It wasn’t Chan.

Jisung wasn’t lying on the old couch in Chan’s living room.

_ What the fuck? _

He stared at the person dancing gracefully to the soft music, the sunlight hitting the person’s brown hair and glowing skin in all the right places. The scene before his eyes looked like it belonged in a movie, and he wished he had one of his cameras with him, so he could take a photo and remember forever how lithely the person danced and how the sunlight hit his face and arms and hair. He was in a trance; he couldn’t stop staring and watching. Was he, by any chance, dead? Maybe this was what people saw when they die? An angel dancing in front of them, moving as light as a feather, making smooth and precise movements and—

And Lee Minho turned around, stopping dead, his eyes wide and his mouth parted in surprise. His arms hung in an awkward position beside him as his face turned red.

Jisung felt blood rush to his own face, and he guessed it turned the exact same color as Minho’s did. He felt his heart racing rapidly in his chest, making him even dizzier. His eyes darted around the room, desperately trying to find something to look at that was not Minho’s face… or Minho’s body or Minho’s arms or Minho’s legs or  _ Minho _ . Panicking, he decided to just turn around and let his back face Minho. At least his back wasn’t red with embarrassment.

“What the fuck?” he whispered to himself. “What the fucking fuck?” He slapped his cheeks repeatedly, willing himself to wake up from this stupid dream—except it wasn’t a dream. And as he heard the soft padding of Minho’s bare feet on the floor, he closed his eyes again, curled himself in a fetal position, and pulled the blanket he just realized was covering him over his head.

_ What’s happening what’s happening what’s happening? _ He asked himself.  _ Where am I? Why is he here? Why am I here? What’s happening? _ Of course he had zero answers to his own questions.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. The hand was warm; it also sent electricity through his seemingly asleep body.

“Hey,” Minho whispered. Jisung heard the whisper clearly, though, which meant that Minho’s face was somehow near his own covered and red one.

“I’m gonna puke,” he replied.

Minho laughed lightly. Perhaps Jisung wanted to hear that laugh every morning when he woke up.

“Please don’t puke on my bed,” the older said, louder this time, his hand never leaving Jisung’s shoulder.

_ ‘My bed?’ _ Jisung thought to himself.  _ Am I in…? _ He carefully pulled the blanket down his head and slowly turned to face the other boy.

“Morning,” Minho smiled down at him.

“Am I dead?” Jisung whispered back. He watched as the other’s smile widened, and it sent butterflies flying in his empty stomach.

“No,” Minho answered. “But you’re hungover.”

As if on cue, Jisung’s head hurt again. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed his migraine to go away. It didn’t. But Minho’s hand suddenly moved from his shoulder to his cheek, and Jisung thought feeling Minho’s soft palm on his right cheek was better than being relieved of his headache, so he opened his eyes and found Minho staring at him with a soft expression he thought made him look even more beautiful, specially when he’s doused in the warm yellow light pouring through the windows. 

The butterflies in his stomach must have been bumping into each other by now.

“You worried me,” Minho told him. “Please don’t do that again.”

A million thoughts went running through Jisung’s hazy, hungover mind. Why was he here? What happened last night? What did he do to make Minho worried? Why was Minho even worried about him? He tried to think about what might have happened last night that had gotten him ending up at Lee Minho’s place.

He remembered going home to a still empty house that night after his day out with Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin, and Hyunjin. He remembered getting a message from Woojin, asking him to go out with him. He also remembered sending Chan a message and telling him to come as well. He remembered thinking that his two elder friends should really sort their shit out, and that was why, when they’d gotten to the place Woojin asked to meet, and Chan had arrived a few minutes later, Jisung had left them both to talk things out. Jisung’s head really hurt, but he also remembered Hyunjin’s words repeating and repeating in his brain,  _ ‘I think he needs you, Jisung.’ _ Which was why Jisung’s supposed trip to the nearby ice cream parlor had suddenly turned into a night of getting drunk alone, with no one to take care of him or take him home when he got wasted.

“How did I get here?” he asked.

“I drove you,” Minho answered.

“I can see that, but why you ? Where’s Chan-hyung? or Woojin-hyung? or even Changbin-hyung? even though he can’t drive to save his life.”

“They were… a bit preoccupied.”

“Okay,” Jisung answered slowly. “but how did you even know where I was?”

“You ask too many questions for someone who’s hungover, you know?”

“Yes, I’ve been told, thank you for noticing. Now please answer. My head hurts.”

“Drink some water,” Minho said as he helped him sit up on the bed and handed him a bottle of water. After Jisung had finished the whole bottle, Minho spoke again, “You called me.”

“I  _ what _ ?” Jisung asked; he was thankful that Minho waited for him to finish drinking before blurting that out.

“You called me, but you didn’t tell me where you were, so I tried calling Chan-hyung and Changbin, and even Felix, but none of them were picking up, which was weird. Did they just assume you went home?”

Jisung shrugged. “Yeah, probably. I never go out drinking without them anymore.”

“Oh,” Minho said, his furrowed brows relaxing again.

“How’d you even find me, though?”

“Oh. I found you at the playground,” the older said simply. “I’m not sure why I thought of that place, really. Probably because it’s the only place I associate with you, aside from Eunha-noona’s cafe, but that’s too far and you couldn’t possibly find that when you’re drunk.”

Jisung closed his eyes and breathed in slowly. He tried to remember how he’d possibly gotten to that old playground while he was drunk. “What was I doing? Was I with someone? Oh my god, do you think something—”

“Relax,” Minho cut him off, “You weren’t with anyone. I didn’t even notice you were drunk. I was inside my car and you were walking quite steadily so I called your name, but you didn’t hear me. So I ran after you but as soon as I reached you, you passed out, Jisung— that scared the shit out of me, you know?”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I originally meant to bring you back to Chan-hyung’s place, but no one was home and your house was locked. I tried looking for the keys somewhere, but there were none.”

“Yeah, I kept the keys in my pocket.”

“And I definitely wasn’t gonna stick my hands in your pockets to feel for the keys, so I took you home.”

“Oh,” Jisung nodded. He really couldn’t remember anything. He didn’t know if Minho was lying, but why would he lie about that, anyway? Besides, he should be thankful that Minho had been the one to find him. If someone else could’ve found him drunk in the middle of the street… Jisung didn’t even want to think about the horrors that could’ve possibly happened if Minho hadn’t taken him home.

“I’m sorry I took you home,” Minho said. “I kind of panicked, I didn’t have Woojin-hyung’s number and I didn’t know who else to call.”

Jisung stared at him incredulously.

“Stop staring at me like that, please.”

“Jeez, you’re just like Hyunjin,” Jisung noted. “Why are you even saying sorry? I should be thanking you! You probably fucking saved my mediocre life from impending danger.”

“Yes, I did, and please don’t ever do that again, okay? You’re lucky I was awake that time; it was, like, 2 a.m.”

“I definitely won’t be doing that again,” promised Jisung. “My mind was just a bit heavy last night.”  _ Thinking of you _ , he wanted to add.

“You should at least call someone before drinking, Jisungie, not when you’re already drunk.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Jisung stared yet again, even though he knew it might make Minho uncomfortable, and even though the sudden use of endearment made him feel  _ things _ . He just couldn’t help thinking, why was his safety Minho’s concern now? Why was Lee Minho suddenly worried about him being drunk and calling and—?

“Wait,” he suddenly said, realizing something. “I called you, right? What exactly did I tell you?”

“Uh,” Minho said. Jisung noticed the slight hesitation when he spoke and his eyes trying to avoid him. “You wanted to ask me how I was. And then you said Chan-hyung and Woojin-hyung were sorting something out, I think. I couldn’t remember the rest.”

“Oh,” Jisung sighed. “I didn’t say anything too embarrassing, did I?”

“I mean, drunk-calling in itself is already pretty embarrassing, Jisung.”

_ Well _ , he thought.  _ Fuck _ .

“I’m kidding,” the older laughed. “You didn’t.”

Jisung scowled in return. He knew he should be thankful, yes, and he owed Minho a lot because of this now. He couldn’t help it, though, Minho was being a tad bit annoying. Jisung and his hangover didn’t really appreciate being annoyed that time.

“Do you wanna eat?” Minho suddenly asked.

“Huh?”

“Eat. Do you want to eat, Jisung? There’s some cheesecake in the fridge. It’s from Eunha-noona.”

“For real?”

Minho nodded. “Should I get it?”

“No,” replied Jisung with a smile. “I’m not really hungry.”

“Are you sure? Oh, maybe you don’t like cheesecakes. We could get something else if you want.”

“No, I fucking love cheesecake, I’m just not hungry. Besides, I might actually puke on your bed if I tried to eat now. But thanks, really.”

“Okay, then,” Minho smiled. Jisung really liked Minho’s smile. He also liked his eyes, his hair, his nose, his lips, the way his body moved lithely and gracefully to the music. Jisung could really get used to waking up like this.

_ No  _ , he shook his head.  _ This is just for a while. Tomorrow, Lee Minho will be unreachable again. This is just like the other day. _

Minho probably noticed him shaking his head and furrowing his brows because the older suddenly asked him, “What’s wrong?”

Jisung stayed silent for a while, just staring at Minho again.

“I told you, please stop staring at me like that, it’s—”

“What is  _ this _ , hyung?” Jisung asked seriously.

It was Minho’s turn to stare. “What do you mean, this?”

“This—” Jisung gestured around the room, at himself, at Minho. “Whatever this is.”

“A second chance,” the older shrugged. He looked away from Jisung and stared outside the window, at the trees rustling in the soft September breeze, the leaves reflecting the light of the sun. Jisung looked over there, too; he felt peaceful, like the weight of the world somehow became lighter, knowing that quiet moments like this were still possible for him—for the both of them.

“ _ A second chance _ ,” Jisung echoed silently. He wasn’t sure what answer he was expecting; he wasn’t sure if the answer given to him was the one he wanted. “For what, exactly?”

“For me, mostly,” Minho smiled softly. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Jisung.”

Jisung stared at the older with a confused expression? Sometimes he really couldn’t understand Lee Minho. During the short while that the two of them had known each other, Jisung had always felt like he understood the older, but after talking with Hyunjin, Jisung had realized that maybe he didn’t really understand much. After all, they barely knew each other.

“I…” Minho trailed off. He turned to face Jisung. “I wanna try again, I guess.”

“Try what?” Now Jisung was really confused. What was this guy talking about?

Minho looked away and sighed. He shook his head, smiling, before saying, “  _ This  _ , Jisung,” and he took the younger’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together.

Jisung’s breath was caught in his throat. He didn’t expect to be waking up in Lee Minho’s bedroom; clearly, he also didn’t expect to be holding Lee Minho’s hand while his head throbbed and spun around due to a bad case of hangover. It took a lot of will on Jisung’s part not to pull his clammy hand out of the other’s grip out of embarrassment; Minho held Jisung’s hand tightly, though, and Jisung let the older pull his hand onto his lap.

“This is gonna sound extremely cheesy,” Minho scrunched his nose (adorably, Jisung thought) as he said it. He looked down on their intertwined hands on his lap while his free one absentmindedly traced patterns on the back of Jisung’s. He laughed as he said, “When you first held my hand, it felt so warm and reassuring and it sent chills down my spine. I’m cringing at my own words, but I never wanted you to let go of my hand that night. I still feel kind of bad about this because I felt like I was taking advantage of how you were emotionally unstable that time, but when I saw the opportunity to hold your hand again, I had to take it. I’m sorry for that.”

Jisung smiled to himself. He didn’t really feel like Minho had taken advantage of his emotional state that time, but he was aware that if he did tell anyone about it, they might think bad of Minho. Although Jisung must admit that for a slight second, he did think they’d both just taken advantage of each others’ vulnerability that night, but he’d brushed that thought off immediately just as soon as it had crossed his mind, because it didn’t seem like it. To Jisung, it had seemed like they both enjoyed each other’s presence; it had seemed to him like they both enjoyed holding each other’s hands.

“That’s not even cheesy,” he said, “I expected something that’d, like, make me sick or something.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“You don’t disappoint me,” the younger sighed. “And anyway, I like it. I like that you held my hand. I like that you offered to wipe my tears. I like that you brought me to that cafe, poured me coffee, got me a cake, told me we were on a date at four a.m. while we had class just a few hours later.”  _ I like you, _ he almost said, too. He remembered that night (or morning) so well, he felt like it was already ingrained in his mind forever; even if he wanted to forget it, he could never. His smile widened as he turned to look at the other’s face again. “That was the best first date I’ve ever had, you know?”

Minho raised his eyebrows at him. “Really? Then you must’ve had some really bad first date experiences.”

“You tell me,” Jisung scoffed. He remembered that one time he went on a date with someone back when he was in high school. The boy had been from the same school but was Jisung’s senior. They had gone to the movies and then to dinner afterwards. It would’ve been nice, Jisung thought, except from the fact that the other boy had chosen and planned everything without even considering or asking Jisung’s opinions. The movie they watched was a gory horror film—Jisung hated gore and horror with a passion; the restaurant they went to was a seafood restaurant—Jisung was allergic to most seafood; what was even worse was that the other had asked Jisung to split the bill when literally all Jisung had was a mango shake and his date had ordered a platter of seafood that Jisung couldn’t even eat. He grimaced at the bad memory. “I think I hated all my first dates,” he said, “they were the worst. Second dates were a bit better, but still not good enough to warrant a third or fourth.”

Minho nodded slowly, an amused look on his face. “You must’ve liked our first date a lot,” he said teasingly.

“It was average.”

“  _ Average  _ , huh? Is that why you remember everything?”

“Hey, I remember every date, okay, especially the bad ones.”

“Was it just bad enough to warrant a second date, then?”

“Are you asking me out?”

“Maybe,” Minho shrugged. He was smiling widely, and Jisung couldn’t help but let his own lips spread widely in a grin as well.

“I’ll think about it,” Jisung teased.

“Better think fast, babe,” the older boy teased back. “I might change my mind.”

“Your loss.”

“No, it’s definitely  _ your  _ loss.”

Jisung rolled his eyes playfully before pulling his hand out of Minho’s grip. The other boy protested with a, “Hey!” to which Jisung just responded by sticking out his tongue. He finally got up from the bed and made his, rather groggily, towards the other end of the room. He could hear Minho’s laugh from where he was standing.

In the corner of the room, a few steps away from Minho’s bed, was a pretty big sectional sofa bed. On it was a pillow and a crumpled up blanket. Minho had probably slept there last night. Jisung didn’t know why, but the thought sent butterflies reeling in his stomach again and he felt his face turn red; he was glad he had his back to Minho. In front of the sofa was a huge flat screen TV, complete with cool speakers and gaming consoles. In the opposite corner, there was a refrigerator and a small dining table with two matching chairs.

_ I could literally live here _ , Jisung thought to himself. Lee Minho was rich, maybe not as rich as Woojin, but still fucking rich. Jisung felt small, standing in the middle of all that stuff. He felt Minho’s gaze burning on the back of his neck.

“You have a fridge in your room,” he said, stating the obvious. “And your own bathroom. It’s like an apartment.”

“Do you like it?” Minho asked quietly, no hints of humor heard from his voice now.

“Well,” Jisung regarded the whole room. The room was big, maybe twice as big as Jisung’s shared room with Changbin. The ceiling was high and the windows were just big enough to let the sunlight pour in. The walls were white, and on the other side of the bed, the walls were lined with shelves. The furniture were all neutral colors as well. Everything looked really clean, plain and simple. It did look great, but to Jisung, the room seemed like it lacked personality; it seemed to him like no one was even living there. “I don’t hate it,” he decided.

Minho laughed. “Well,  _ I  _ do,” he said. “I hate this place.”

Then Jisung turned to look at him, thinking why would Minho hate his own place? It was nice, maybe just a little too lifeless and uncozy for Jisung’s taste. Then it hit him. Maybe Minho never really felt alive here. Maybe that was why, aside from the spot Jisung had slept on, the covers of the bed seemed too crisp; the walls were too clean, without a single photo or artwork hung up; the room was too bare, with no shoes or clothes strewn on the floor or the bed or the couch, signifying any evidence that someone actually lived there.

Maybe that was why Jisung suddenly had the courage to walk back to where the older was sitting on his bed and cup his face with both hands, staring him straight in the eye. “You’re alive,” he told Minho softly, quietly. “You’re alive, hyung. You can’t forget that.”

“Am I?” the older answered. His eyes weren’t empty anymore, Jisung noticed as they stared at each other. They were now filled with so much emotion, it made him feel overwhelmed. He held the older’s face gently, moving his thumbs to caress his cheeks.

“Yes,” answered Jisung. “You’re alive. You’re sad, you’re angry, you’re guilty, you’re happy, you’re—”

“Scared,” Minho raised both of his hands to hold Jisung’s thinner ones that were still cupping his face. He closed his eyes. “I’m scared, Jisung.”

“You don’t have to be.” He heard the other take in a long, shaky breath and let it out slowly. He felt Minho’s grip on his hands tighten at the same time he felt hot tears streaming down Minho’s face, and Jisung felt a lump in his own chest.

“I don’t know what to feel,” Minho whispered.

“It’s okay,” Jisung said. He moved to sit down beside the older again. He scooted closer, and closer, until he was close enough to pull his hands away from Minho’s face and wrap his arms around the other, who buried his head in the crook of Jisung’s neck.

“I’m sorry,” Minho barely choked out. He was shaking under Jisung’s arms, crying silently, letting out tears that Jisung thought had long wanted to pour out of the older’s beautifully sharp and beautifully sad eyes.

“Please don’t be,” Jisung whispered in Minho’s ear. He tried his best to make his voice soothing, relaxing. He imagined he was recording a song with Chan and Changbin while they both told him to make his voice lighter, to make it more melodic and emotional, to make it more fit to the song. The song now was Minho’s silent cries and unsteady, staggered breathing; Jisung tried his hardest to match his voice with Minho’s song.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Jisung told Minho. He wrapped his arms around him tighter and tenderly rubbed the older’s back.

“I’m sorry,” Minho still said. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry—”

“Shhh,” Jisung shushed him.

“I’m sorry,” Minho whispered one last time, his voice barely audible, before falling silent as he cried in the younger’s arms.

Jisung knew Minho wasn’t saying sorry to him. He knew Minho was saying sorry to his brother. He knew Minho still blamed himself for what happened, and that the memories haunted him in consciousness and in unconsciousness. He knew Minho still felt like he didn’t deserve everything he had right now: his life, his friends, happiness. He knew Minho still blamed himself more and more everyday, that he felt guilty and unworthy of being alive and loved.

“You don’t have to hate yourself,” Jisung heard the crack in his own voice. His throat felt tight and his eyes stung until he let his own tears fall. “Please don’t hate yourself, Minho-hyung.”

He felt Minho’s hands grip the front of his shirt tightly. His shirt was already wet from the older’s tears, but he didn’t care. All Jisung cared about that time was Lee Minho.

“How can I not hate myself, Jisung?” Minho said suddenly. “How can I not hate myself when I chose you?”

Jisung didn’t know how to respond. What did Minho mean? Minho chose Jisung? Over whom? And why did Minho have to choose, anyway? So many thoughts were racing in Jisung’s mind, but his head hurt too much to even dwell on those thoughts. For now, he had to focus on Minho. Even as he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, knowing that Chan or Changbin or Woojin might have all been worried about him. The now was Minho, and his sad eyes, and his tears that were coming slower and slower, and his breathing that’s becoming steadier and steadier, and his cries that were growing quieter and quieter.

The two stayed in the same position for minutes and minutes, all the while Minho was crying and wrapped in Jisung’s arms while Jisung gave his back gentle, reassuring caresses, until Minho finally broke free. He wiped at his puffy eyes and laughed.

“Why is it,” he asked Jisung, “that everytime we’re alone, I always end up crying?”

“Because,” Jisung sighed, “of my really good looks—ow!”

Minho hit his arm (playfully) and was making a face at Jisung. “You’re not even half good looking.”

“You just asked me out on a date earlier.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re good looking.”

“What, you’re just gonna let people judge you and say your date’s ugly, huh?”

“I can handle the looks, Jisung. You’ll be in charge of the, uh… personality, I guess.”

“I hate you,” Jisung said, enunciating every word carefully. He didn’t mean it, though.

“Oh, so you hate me now?”

_ No—I really like you  _ , Jisung wanted to say. “Yes, because you’re being a bitch,” he said instead.

“Alright,” Minho said as he pinched both of Jisung’s cheeks. “You’re cute.”

Jisung felt a blush creep up his face. The butterflies were alive yet again, panicking inside his empty stomach. He covered his face with both of his hands. “Stop,” he told Minho with a muffled voice.

The older gently removed both of the younger boy’s hands from his face. “Don’t hide your face,” he told him. “I like your face.” He cupped Jisung’s face and stared at him closely, “I like your cheeks, I like your eyes, I like your side-parted hair—,” Jisung noticed Minho’s gaze fall on his lips and stay there a second too long, “—I like your lips.”

The butterflies in Jisung’s stomach are threatening to fly out from his throat. This was too much. 

“I like your face when it blushes, too,” Minho teased.

“Fuck you,” Jisung said as he moved his face away from Minho’s hands. Jisung’s heart was racing a million miles per hour, he felt like it would explode. Minho was just laughing, knowing he had this effect on Jisung. Minho’s laugh was contagious, though, which was why they both ended up laughing together, sitting on top of  Minho’s bed.

_ Well  _ , Jisung thought,  _ at least he cheered up _ .

 

The next day, Jisung woke up to a message from Minho.

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ morning, sunshine. how are you? _

Jisung couldn’t help but smile like an idiot.

Last night, Minho had driven him home. Fortunately—or unfortunately, Jisung wasn’t sure—Chan, Woojin, Changbin, and Felix were all there waiting for him. Although Jisung had made sure to assure his friends that he was safe and was at Minho’s house, he guessed they weren’t exactly expecting the older to take him home. Naturally, all four of Jisung’s friends (who were also Minho’s friends now, too; especially Felix, of course) present that night invited Minho to have dinner with them.

The dinner had gone out pleasantly. There were no prying questions directed towards Jisung or Minho, nobody asked what they were doing together. Jisung really loved that about his friends. Of course, he already knew that Chan, Changbin, and Woojin weren’t ones to pry that much about his dating life, but Jisung had admittedly been quite nervous with Felix that night, especially because he knew that Minho and Felix were close friends. But surprisingly, Felix was cool about it, too; he didn’t ask Jisung anything too personal nor did he ask anything that would’ve made him uncomfortable. All throughout their dinner, the conversations had just been friendly, inclusive, and funny. Sometimes, in between conversations, Jisung would steal glances at Minho and he’d see that the older was just either smiling or laughing or stuffing his face with food, and Jisung had only felt happy.

Later that night, when Jisung had walked Minho back to his car, the older took his phone and made sure to save his own number. “There,” Minho had said, “so you could call me before getting drunk. Bye.” He had winked at Jisung then, and had immediately rolled up his window without giving Jisung time to reply. Jisung had just been left to stare at the car as it drove further and further away until he was just left to stare at his phone screen. That night, Jisung and Minho had ended up texting each other until Jisung fell asleep, a stupid smile plastered on his face.

This morning, they were probably going to end up texting until someone had to go again.

**_Jisung:_ ** _ its 4 am, theres no sunshine. who r u talking to??? _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** _ : you ;) you’re my sunshine. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ ew hyung. that smiley. pls stop. _

Truth was, that message from Minho had him smiling from ear to ear.

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ what’s your favorite color? _

Jisung held his phone up in front of his face as he was lying down on the living room couch. He had slept there again tonight; Felix stayed the night and Jisung had let the Australian sleep on his bunk, much to Changbin’s disapproval, even though Jisung had assured them that yes, he’d just recently changed his sheets and pillow cases and yes, everything was clean. Feix probably slept tightly, anyway, since nobody else seemed to be awake and Jisung was alone in the living room with only the dim light coming from his phone’s screen. Or so he thought.

“Isn’t it too early?” someone suddenly asked.

“Ow!” Jisung dropped his phone on his face, startled at the voice. “Shit, that hurt.”

“Were you texting the whole night?” Kim Woojin asked Jisung as he turned the light on in the living room.

“No,” Jisung answered, rubbing the part of his lip where the phone fell on.

“You’re like a teenager.”

“That’s because I am a teenager, hyung—  _ internationally _ , at least.”

“Minho’s not.”

“Well,” Jisung shrugged, “someone has to be the adult.”

“Oh?” Woojin moved to sit on the couch; Jisung moved his feet so the older boy could sit comfortably and Jisung could put his feet up on the older boy’s lap. “So he’s the mature one in the relationship?”

“There’s no relationship, hyung. What are you doing here this early, anyway?”

Woojin shrugged, a small smile forming on his lips.

“Wait,” Jisung shot up on the couch. “You slept over? Where’d you sleep, though?” he asked, because Woojin usually slept on the couch whenever he stayed over for the night, which was weird to Jisung since he knew Woojin probably wasn’t used to sleeping on old couches. But since Jisung had slept on the couch last night… “Did you…” he started to ask, but stopped as he realized he probably didn’t need to hear the answer nor did he want to hear it. “Actually, nevermind.”

“It’s a bit weird, honestly,” Woojin said. “I’m still not used to it.”

“Well, I mean, you’re not really gonna get used to it overnight.”

“Wow.  _ That _ , coming from you?”

“Hey, what's that supposed to mean?”

“Last night,” Woojin shrugged, “With Minho; you seemed very…  _ used to it _ . It seemed so natural.”

Jisung felt heat rise up his face. He remembered holding Minho’s hand for the first time, how he’d instantly gotten used to the feeling of holding the older’s hand. He remembered Minho telling him he liked it, too.

“It’s good,” Woojin said with a smile. “You two look comfortable.”

“You and Chan-hyung are comfortable, too, though. I mean, you’ve been friends for, like, four years, right?”

“Five, actually. And yes, we  _ are  _ comfortable with each other. I guess it’s just  _ that _ , you know? We’ve been friends for so long, we don’t know how else to act around each other. Holding hands, hugging, talking—it’s a bit different now. Not that it’s uncomfortable or anything, it’s just... new, I guess.”

Jisung hadn’t really thought about it in that way. He’d always assumed Chan and Woojin were meant for each other, and had wanted to be with each other ever since. He had completely disregarded the fact that Chan and Woojin had been friends first—no feelings, no crushes, no malice, no pining, no wistful and longing looks, just plain, platonic friendship. He had never thought about how scary it might have been for his two friends as they’d developed feelings for each other, how scared they might still be now that they had decided to finally act on  it. It was a risk, he thought, of losing the friendship, of losing each other. Maybe that was what Chan was afraid of.

“Do you think it’s worth it?” Jisung asked quietly.

“Of course,” the older answered without any hesitation. “I’m sure it is. I’m gonna make sure it’s worth it.”

Jisung wanted to cry. He loved Woojin so much. He loved him and Chan so much. “I’m sure Chan-hyung’s gonna make it worth it, too.”

Woojin let out a small laugh. “You know what’s funny?” he said. “Chan was a bit insecure, because I was rich. He felt like he had to prove himself more to me, and to the two of you. He said he wanted to give you guys more, that he felt he wasn’t able to give you guys what you needed.”

“That’s not funny.”

“It is, kind of. You and Changbin always told me how grateful you both are to Chan, but I guess you never even told him that.”

“I…” Jisung realized he never really did tell Chan directly how thankful he was. He felt bad.

“Hey, don’t feel bad, okay? He already knows it.”

“I was supposed to talk to him,” Jisung remembered. “It slipped my mind.”

“He’s always there, Jisung. You could even talk to him when he wakes up. Anyway, I’m gonna be heading home now.”

“This early? It’s half past four. You’re not gonna wait for hyung?”

“Nah,” Woojin got up from his seat. “Let him sleep because he barely does. Bye. Regards to Minho.”

“Bye,” Jisung waved his hand as he watched his friend walk out the door, leaving Jisung alone with his phone again. At least now the lights were on, he thought. He checked his phone: five messages from Minho. He’d almost forgotten he was exchanging messages with the older.

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ hey. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ why are you ignoring me _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ Jisungie _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ ok then. fine. ignore me. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ pls stop ignoring me. i’m sorry. i’ll stop using that smiley. _

Jisung couldn’t help but laugh. Since when had Minho become so clingy? Jisung liked it, though; he liked the fact that Minho wanted to talk to him. Smiling widely, he typed his reply.

**_Jisung:_ ** _ dont u have other friends to bother?? _

The reply came not long after.

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ you finally reply and you ask me about my friends. i am offended. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ black _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ black? _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ you asked me my fav color. its black. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ black isn’t a color, jisung. it’s the absence of color. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ i dont like colors. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ oh but i like you ;) _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ but jisung that’s actually sad. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ says you, whose room is plainly black and white. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ look outside _

Outside? Wait, was Minho outside?

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ quick!!!! it might be gone. _

Jisung reluctantly got up from the couch and went outside. It was a bit chilly and it made him shiver.

**_Jisung:_ ** _ if ur gonna come out and kill me do it quickly _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ oh. were you expecting me to be outside? ;) _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ BYE _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ no wait!! look up. _

Jisung did what the older said. His mouth fell open. The sky looked stunning, he thought. It was still dark and the sun was just about to shine. He had never really taken time to look at the early morning sky, mostly because he rarely woke up at dawn.

_**Jisung:** this is so nice??? its so pretty??  _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ that’s my favorite color. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ well, it’s 2 colors, but you get the point. _

_**Jisung:** its honestly so beautiful i might cry??? _

He looked up at the sky again. It was a mix of dark blue and yellow-orange. Light and dark; cold and warm. He ran back inside the house to grab both his cameras and immediately took photos. He took a lot using the one Woojin gave him; he took just one photo using his white Polaroid camera.

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ in case you wanna thank me, you’re welcome. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ thank u :) i took photos _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ oh? can i see them later? _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ uhhhh theyre not pretty theyre just photos _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ they dont have to be pretty bc you already are ;) _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ stop using that its annoying but thanks _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ i like annoying you. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ but i like you more than i like the 4 am sky.  _ _ ♡ _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ its 4:30. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ whatever. see you later, Han Jisung. _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ see u later ^^ _

Once again, Jisung looked up. The warm sunlight was dominating the sky now, making it a lighter shade of blue. He closed his eyes, letting the cold air wash his face and blow through his hair. He breathed in the fresh morning air. Smiling, he said, “I like you more than the four a.m. sky, too.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!!!! seriously, thank you so much!!! like, im so happy someones still reading up to this far im gonna cry :(((  
> [curiouscat](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz) :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hi hello do yall remember me im back with a messy messy messy chapter i forgot how to write  
> anyway thank you so much for all the kind words :( thank you for understanding :((

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ wish i woke up to ur face every morning. _

Minho never really understood what was so special about the so-called ‘good-morning-text.’ He was even confused as to why Seungmin and Hyunjin were trying to one-up each other in sending those; he guessed it was just their thing. But then Felix started making a fuss about it, too, back when he had first gotten one from Changbin, and Minho didn’t understand that either. Right now, though, as he read and re-read the text Jisung had just sent him, not being able to keep himself from smiling so stupidly wide at his phone, maybe he finally understood what the deal was about.

Usually, he had been on the giving end; he was always the one who texted Jisung first, although it wasn’t like they had been exchanging messages for as long as Changbin and Felix had been, and mostly the reason why Minho had been the first to greet a good morning was because he woke up earlier than Jisung. He never really thought much about it, anyway; to him, they were just messages and it didn’t really matter whether they were sent in the morning or the afternoon or the evening. He never knew that being on the receiving end of those simple messages would send him rolling over and over on his bed, feeling giggly and giddy like a prepubescent teenager, thinking how much his old self would have cringed so hard at him right now, but his thoughts were stalled by another notification.

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ waking up to changbinhyungs face isnt as pleasant u know... _

Minho laughed. Perhaps he really liked receiving these ‘good-morning-texts.’ He wondered if this was how Jisung felt, too.

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ maybe i wanna see ur face every morning when i wake up  _

Minho definitely wanted to see Jisung’s pretty face every time he woke up, too.

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ anyway ur probably asleep right now. sorry _

It was past three in the morning, and normally Minho would really have been asleep at this time because he usually woke up at half past four, but he might have also, possibly, set Jisung’s notification tone to something a bit… loud enough to wake him up.

**_Minho:_ ** _ maybe i’d like to wake up to your face, too. _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ ur awake????? its 3.30???? did u even sleep??? _

**_Minho:_ ** _ good morning, sunshine ^^ _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ well damn do u miss me this much??? but good morning _

**_Minho:_ ** _ maybe ;) _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ excuse me? _

**_Minho:_ ** _ i miss you, han jisung. _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ good  _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ oH SHIT _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ I DIDNT MWAN TO SEND TAHT _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ but i did. anyway i mean it. u better be missing me _

**_Minho:_ ** _ you haven’t slept? _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ nah im cramming my paper ^^a _

**_Minho:_ ** _ u gotta stop cramming everytime, jisung. you can’t see me but i’m sighing. _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ u gotta stop bothering me everytime, hyung. I cant see u but i cant do my work either. r u done w urs? _

**_Minho:_ ** _ yeah. since yesterday. _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ oh?? wow ur life must be so boring. _

Well, Minho thought, Jisung wasn’t wrong. Except it wasn’t as boring as before ever since he arrived in Minho’s life.

**_Minho:_ ** _ you make my life less boring. _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ better thank me then _

**_Minho:_ ** _ go do your paper. _

**_Jisungie:_ ** _ yeah actually i rly need to go now changbin-hyungs kinda getting mad. see u later!!! _

**_Minho:_ ** _ see you ^^ _

**_Minho:_ ** _ and thanks ♡  _

Minho smiled down at his phone fondly. He’d recently changed his phone’s home- and lock-screen—something he had literally never done ever before. His smile widened as he stared at the photo of him and Jisung, taken by the ever so supportive Lee Felix on that night they’d watched a movie with Jisung’s friends at Chan’s house after having dinner. In the photo, Minho had his arm around Jisung while the latter leaned his head on Minho’s shoulder. They looked comfortable as they sat on the old couch in Chan’s living room, not minding and not being minded by the two other couples they were with.

Setting his phone down on the bed (before he could start daydreaming about Jisung too much), Minho got up from his bed and stretched. He debated whether it was still too early for his morning run, decided that it was actually a bit too early, but had nothing else to do, anyway, so he went to the bathroom to wash his face and put on his running clothes.

The house was quiet as he made his way down the stairs, through the big living room, and  finally outside the door. As usual, he passed by his brother’s closed bedroom, and felt the numbness going back, feeling it slither up his spine, ironically, making him shiver. But once he was outside the door and he could feel the cool breeze on his skin, seeping through the thin material of his shirt, rustling his uncombed hair, Minho instantly felt better. He breathed in the morning air, let it flow through his lungs, before letting it out slowly.

He started walking leisurely at first, then slowly picking up his pace until he was jogging, until he was running—running away from his house, from his mother and father’s cold and lifeless eyes, from his brother’s untouched room and even more untouched memories that haunted him whenever they had the chance, from the emptiness he felt whenever he was alone with his thoughts, from the emotions and feelings that were all of a sudden flooding in and scaring the shit out of him.

Minho ran, faster and faster until his lungs and his legs begged him to stop. He ran until his eyes stung from the tears that he was once unable to feel and shed until Jisung magically coaxed them out of his stony eyes by just merely looking at him—the tears that had once never come but now never seemed to stop coming.

He ran until he literally fell on his knees, crying.

He wiped his tears aggressively.  _ Weak _ . That was how he felt. And every day he felt like he grew weaker and weaker against himself. He drew in a shaky breath, looking up at the sky, as if the warmth of the sun that had just started to rise and paint the dark sky shades of yellow and orange and pink would somehow give him the strength he needed.

Once, Minho had attempted making a list of the things that still made him want to wake up every morning, or ‘the best things in life,’ as he liked to call them. He had done this as an attempt to justify being alive, staying alive, for as long as he had been. Among these things were: the dawn, and its cool breeze as it sweeps over his whole body, its sky when the light and dark were dancing together and melting into each other in a beautifully contrasting yet complementing way; his best friends, Hyunjin, Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin; dancing, the only thing that Minho had really clung to when he couldn’t bear everything anymore and he had no other way to cope, no other choice because he had made himself and his dead brother a promise that he had planned on keeping. Minho thought, more than twenty years of being alive and he was only able to list down three things.

And then Han Jisung was added to his list, of reasons to  _ stay _ , even taking his friends along with him.

It was after that talk Minho had had with Woojin, when he’d just suddenly come clean to the older about his fears and feelings, the moment he’d admitted to himself that maybe he really was falling and there was no rope he could grip to stay afloat, the moment he’d also allowed himself to spiral down into a hole that was Han Jisung, all the while knowing there would be no ladder to climb out of— that was the instant Minho had been sure that his promise to himself and to his beloved brother couldn’t be kept anymore. Not until Jisung would stop giving him that stupid smile that was brighter than day itself, that stupid smile that Minho had grown to love and wanted to keep safely in his heart. Not until Jisung would stop holding his hand and giving him warmth that spread through his blood and veins, making him feel alive again. Not until Jisung stopped giving a fuck about him—

_ No _ , he thought. Jisung could stop giving a fuck about him, and he still wouldn’t be able to keep his stupid promise.

Minho would still choose Jisung. He would choose Jisung over anyone and everyone. He would choose him over himself, even. He would choose Jisung over and over and over again, even if meant disappointing his brother for the millionth time, even if it meant hating himself and being swallowed up whole by guilt.

And it scared Minho, really, how easy it was for him to make the choice. It scared him out of his wits, but what else could he do? He thought Jisung would always be worth choosing.

 

***

 

Minho was seated on one of the comfortable low chairs inside the cafe near their uni he usually went to, sipping on his usual iced americano. It was a little over six in the morning, about an hour before his first class for today, and he was waiting for his friend. At least, Minho considered Woojin as a friend.

“Hey,” Woojin greeted as soon as he arrived, sitting down on the chair opposite Minho.

“Hey,” Minho greeted back. “I bought you coffee. I asked Chan-hyung what you liked.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to, but thanks.”

“No problem.”

“So… What did you want to talk about?”

“Nothing, really. I just wanted to thank you.” he watched as the older took a sip from his coffee, raising his eyebrows at Minho. 

“How are you dealing?” asked Woojin. There was something in the way he posed his question; it was as if he understood what Minho felt, as if it wasn’t just meant to ask how Minho was dealing with Jisung, but it was meant to ask how Minho was dealing with all his feelings.

Minho considered for a moment. He took a sip of his coffee and ate a small piece of his chocolate cake, which was too sweet for his liking, but he noted how Jisung would probably love it. He let out a sigh. Somehow, no matter what Minho did now, Jisung always found his way into his thoughts. “I’m a bit overwhelmed,” he finally answered.

“I wanna say the overwhelming feeling goes away,” said Woojin. “But even  _ I'm _ not sure about that. I’m a bit overwhelmed about this thing with Channie myself, to be honest, although I can only imagine how it might be for you. I’m sorry I can’t help.”

“You’ve already helped a lot. I just need to get used to all of these… feelings, I guess.”

“It’s nothing, really. And that’s good. Things are a bit clearer now, aren’t they?”

“I’d say they’re more than just a bit clearer now. Not crystal clear yet, but we’ll get there, right?”

“Yeah,” the older laughed. “Yeah, that’s right.”

It was such a warm sound, Minho thought, if one could even describe a sound as warm. He liked hearing Woojin’s laugh, seeing his eyes crinkle at the sides when he smiled; he liked the assurance and validation Woojin brought. Minho would never admit it to anyone, but Kim Woojin somehow reminded him of his brother. Of course no one could ever replace his dearest elder brother, Minho knew that, but Woojin was here and he was warm and secure and kind and gentle. The comfort that the older male, who had been a complete stranger not long ago, brought Minho was something he was really thankful for.

The two friends—yes, they were friends now, Minho had made sure to confirm—spent a good few minutes eating cake and drinking coffee and talking like they’d been friends for a long time, like going for coffee was something they did religiously. Minho never felt awkward around Woojin, and he never felt the need to cover up his flaws, both inside and outside. Maybe the universe had granted him another elder brother, without any intention to replace his real one, but with the intention to give him another chance.

“Can you wait here?” Minho asked as he got up from his seat. “I just want to get Jisung some of this cake, I think he’d like it.”

“Sure. Get him a strawberry frappe while you’re at it, Jisung loves that.”

Minho noticed the slight shift in tone when Woojin said ‘strawberry frappe,’ like the mere thought of strawberries and frappes made him cringe. Minho laughed. He really liked being friends with Kim Woojin.

 

Minho had parted ways with Woojin at the Music building, where he’d dropped him off. He sometimes forgot that his new friend actually worked as an instructor at their university; it was easy to, really, considering their only-one-year gap and the non-condescending way Woojin talked to him (and to everyone, really). It shouldn’t have been a surprise to Minho when he saw older-looking professors greet Woojin with easiness and respect as soon as he’d stepped out the car.

He bid the older goodbye and drove to his class.

He would finally get to see Jisung again.

As if they hadn’t just spent the other day together.

 

When Minho got to their classroom, he found Jisung in one corner talking animatedly to one of their classmates—that kid whose eyes disappeared whenever he smiled, Jeongin’s crush; Minho didn’t remember his name. Nevertheless, he strode towards where the two were sitting, rather too comfortably for Minho’s taste. Not that he was jealous, but… he sighed. Maybe he was jealous. But it was normal, right? It was just natural to be jealous of someone cute who talked so animatedly with the boy he liked… right? Minho shook his head, attempting to rid himself of these thoughts and feelings that still seemed so new to him.

“Hi,” he greeted Jisung, moving just near enough to lace his fingers between the younger’s, a smile automatically forming on his lips.

“Hyung,” Jisung smiled widely, brightly, pulling the older even nearer so their shoulders touched, and Minho’s insides did involuntary flips in his stomach. Jisung gestured towards his companion, “This is Jeno, by the way.”

“Hi, Jeno-ssi,” Minho greeted the other male. Right, that was his name. “Lee Minho.”

“Hi,” Jeno replied, smiling that smile that made his eyes disappear. If Minho had to be honest, he did see the appeal. Jeno was cute, he seemed nice as well, and he seemed put together. Minho could totally see why Jeongin would like him.

“Okay,” Jisung said loudly. “Let’s stop being awkward, it’s physically painful.” He turned to Minho. “What’s up, hyung?”

Minho shrugged. “Nothing,” he said, “I just wanted to see you.”

“Oh. Okay, but Jeno and I were—”

“No,” Jeno interrupted, still smiling that cute smile. “It’s okay, you guys go ahead.”

“Dude, no,” Jisung insisted. “We were talking.”

“Yeah, I just went to greet Jisungie, anyway,” Minho said. He was about to leave when, in the periphery of his vision, he saw Jeongin enter the classroom; now he had a better idea. Only, better was relative. “Jeonginnie!” he shouted, calling the attention of the freshman (and their other classmates’, too), and motioned for him to go to where they were.

“Yes?” Jeongin asked as he reached the three.

Jisung let go of Minho’s hand to drape his arm around Jeongin’s shoulder. He winked at Minho, though, indicating he understood what Minho wanted to happen.

“Jeonginnje,” Jisung said cheerfully. “This is Jeno. Jeno, this is Jeonginnie.”

“Hi, Jeongin-ssi,” Jeno greeted the younger, whose face was now turning a light shade of pink.

“Hi,” Jeongin said in a small voice, looking down.

“He’s a music major,” Minho added about Jeongin. “Just like Jisung.”

“Oh?” Jeno said, his mouth forming a small o instead of the usual smile. “You’re majoring in composition, too?”

“N-no, I—”

“He majors in voice!” Jisung butt in. “Jeonginnie here is really good at—”

“Good morning,” their professor suddenly said; Minho didn’t notice him arrive, but now he turned to look at him and saw that he was eyeing the four of them. “I would appreciate if you would all settle down.”

“Later,” Minho told Jisung before turning to Jeno and telling him it was nice meeting him. Minho put his hand on Jeongin’s back and led the freshman towards their seats at the back.

“I fucking hate you,” he heard Jeongin whisper under his breath.

“You’re welcome,” answered Minho. He took a quick glance at the younger as they both took their seats. Jeongin was smiling.

“Morning, cupid,” Hyunjin greeted as Minho had sat himself down.

“Morning.”

“The fuck did you two do to Jeongin?” Felix whispered. “He’s so pink.”

“We introduced him to Jeno-ssi.”

“Do you even know Jeno?”

“No, but Jisung does.”

“Jisung  _ this _ , Jisung  _ that _ ,” Hyunjin teased. “You guys should just date—ow! The fuck?”

Minho had taken out his six-page-paper and smacked Hyunjin’s face with it. “Shut up,” he said. He heard their professor clear his throat loudly.

“I assume you’re all ready to pass your papers,” their professor announced, and as Minho watched his two friends beside him reach inside their bags to take out their own papers, Minho wondered if Jisung was able to finish his.

“Stop smiling too much, hyung,” Hyunjin. “It’s weird.”

“It’s actually nice,” Felix offered. “You look less scary.”

“I don’t look scary,” Minho countered.

“You do,” the two younger boys answered at the same time, a little too loudly.

“Will you three please shut up?” Seungmin, who was in his usual seat beside Jeongin, in front of the other three, turned around to face them and take their papers to pass them in front.

“Sorry,” Hyunjin muttered. “It’s hyung’s fault.”

“It was not,” hissed Minho. 

“It was—”

“Shut up,” it was Felix who shut them up this time. “He’s saying something.”

“—Class dismissed,” was all Minho was able to catch of what their professor had said. It was probably the only thing important, anyway. He watched as their professor placed all the papers inside his bag and walked out of the room, leaving the students to either be thankful for the early dismissal, or completely pissed. Minho’s friends were rather the latter.

“So you’re telling me,” Hyunjin blurted out, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, “I fucking woke up early, went to school early, just to submit a fucking paper I hurriedly made at three a.m.?”

“Yes,” Seungmin sighed. 

“That was a rhetorical question, but thanks, babe.”

“He should’ve just asked us to send it via email,” Jeongin chimed in. “My next class isn’t until ten. I could’ve been sleeping.”

“I could’ve just asked anyone here to print out my paper and pass it for me,” said Felix.

It seemed like Minho’s friends were all less than thrilled at having to wake up early just to spend less than fifteen minutes in class. Minho was in a totally different page, though.

“Okay, kids,” he announced, finally standing up from his seat. “See you later.”

“Where are you…” Hyunjin started to ask, but stopped himself as Minho had already made his way towards the front of the room. “Actually, never mind. Let’s go, Seungminnie.”

“Bye, hyung,” Felix, the ever so nice kid, called. “See you later.”

“Bye!” Minho called back. He didn’t hear the rest of what his friends were saying, nor did he care, anyway. Jisung was facing him now with a smile and at the moment it was really all that mattered.

Since when had Minho gotten so cheesy?

“Hi, Changbin,” he greeted. “I think Felix is waiting for you.”

“Hey,” Changbin smiled at him; yes, he smiled at Minho now, too. “Yeah, gotta go. Catch you guys later.”

“Hey, call me when you’re going home, yeah?” said Jisung. “I forgot my keys.”

“Oh?” Changbin raised his eyebrow at his friend, before moving his gaze to Minho, smirking. “I don’t think you’re gonna need it, though. Right, hyung?”

Minho laughed. He was probably right. “Bye, Changbin.”

“What’s up with him?” he heard Jisung mutter under his breath before turning his full attention on the older. “What’s up?”

“Come on,” Minho grabbed his hand, interlacing their fingers together. “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Jisung asked, although he let Minho take him by the hand and drag him outside the classroom and towards the parking lot, passing by Hyunjin and Seungmin in the process. Jisung briefly greeted them, which the two returned by happily waving and smiling. Minho waved at them, too.

They were almost at the parking lot when Jisung asked again, “Hyung, where are we going?”

“You owe me a date,” answered Minho.

“Hate to break it to you, but I never said yes.”

“Please, it’s not like you don’t wanna go out with me.”

“Woah there. Don’t get too cocky, mister.”

“Well, I’m not wrong, am I?”

“Yeah, you’re not.”

Minho stopped in his tracks. “I’m not”

Minho cringed inwardly. Smooth, Lee Minho, he thought to himself. Real fucking smooth . He felt his face heat up from embarrassment. So much for trying to be flirty. Then again, when it came to Han Jisung, Minho thought he always ended up feeling or acting dumb—or both. Or maybe it was really just his lack of experience.

Once, during that same night Minho had driven Jisung home and had dinner at his house, he’d tried asking Woojin for advice.

“I need advice,” Minho had said when they were alone at the kitchen, microwaving some popcorn to eat for the movie they had watched. Woojin had just looked at him confusedly. 

“I’m not exactly the person you should come to for advice, Minho,” Woojin had answered.

“How convenient.”

“Just... don’t play games, I guess,” Woojin had shrugged; it had seemed to Minho like he was unsure of what he was saying. “Try to be honest.”

Maybe Minho was being too honest. And now he was wondering if maybe he should have just asked Jisung for advice, really. Jisung seemed like he always knew what to say, anyway.

Jisung had definitely had some experience with the dating thing, of course, that much Minho knew. Although it was apparent that they had both spent most of their younger years wallowing in self hate and self pity, it was clear that Jisung at least went out of the house and enjoyed his childhood and adolescence a lot more than Minho did. It was hard to admit, yes, but Minho found the thought intimidating and it made him feel a little insecure about himself.

“Hyung,” Jisung snapped his finger in front of Minho, bringing him back to the present. “Thought we’re going on a date or something?”

“We are,” Minho sighed. “If you want to.”

“Didn’t I already tell you that I want to?”

“Not exactly—.” Jisung had suddenly moved closer to Minho, his face mere inches away, and Minho was too aware of their proximity.

“Are you okay?” Jisung asked, his brows furrowed in a manner that Minho found extremely cute.

“Yeah.”

“Great!” Jisung smiled now, his teeth showing, and Minho had never failed to notice how one of the younger’s front teeth was slightly crooked. Minho found that cute, as well. Literally everything about Han Jisung, Minho found ridiculously cute. “Let’s go. Last one to the car’s paying for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!”

“Hey, that’s unfair!” Minho called out, but Jisung was already sprinting towards the car, leaving him to just stare and laugh to himself as he accepted defeat. Woojin was right, after all, accepting defeat was part of falling—even when it was something just as trivial and childish as this. And honestly, it was okay; Minho was planning to pay, anyway. Also, Jisung had said ‘breakfast, lunch, and dinner.’ Was he expecting them to spend the whole day together?

Minho’s initial plan was just a simple breakfast or brunch at a nearby restaurant or cafe. For Jisung, though, Minho was always ready to make adjustments—yet another thing that scared him about the other, but he pushed it down and aside, away from his thoughts.

 

_ Breathe in. _

_ Breathe out. _

Minho squeezed his eyes shut, working on steadying his breathing instead of listening to the words coming out of Jisung’s mouth. He felt guilty for not paying attention to the younger, who was talking animatedly, but frankly, keeping himself from fainting was his top priority at the moment.

_ Inhale _ .

_ Exhale _ .

That was it; Minho was finally starting to feel more calm. Just a few more minutes of this breathing exercise and he would definitely be alright.

“Hyung,” Jisung stopped his tirade of stories to ask worriedly. “Are you okay?”

Minho finally opened his eyes, finding that Jisung’s face was just a few inches away from his. “No,” he admitted.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I’m afraid of heights.”

“Then why the fuck did you think it was a good idea to go on here?”

Indeed. Why  _ the fuck _ did Mino think it was a good idea to go on a Ferris Wheel ride with Jisung, all the while knowing he was afraid of heights? Minho didn’t really want to go to the amusement park, anyway, but Jisung had insisted, with his stupidly cute puppy dog eyes and pouty lips. What else could Minho do, really? Which was why they were here now, meters and meters above the ground.

“So we could be alone,” replied Minho in an uncharacteristically small voice, averting his eyes. “There’s too much people out there.”

“We’re at an amusement park, of course there’s gonna be too much people.”

“Well, I’ve never been here before.”

“You haven’t?” exclaimed Jisung.

“I haven’t,” Minho answered blankly; the annoyance from earlier was gone, quickly replaced by anxiety and fear and uneasiness as their passenger cart rose up higher above the ground. Why did he think this was a good idea? He just wanted to be alone with Han Jisung without crying for once. Assessing the situation and how high above the ground they were, though, Minho thought he was definitely bound to cry any minute.

“Jeez, dude,” said Jisung in a tone that made clear he couldn’t believe what Minho had just said, “What have you been doing all this time?”

“Well,” Minho said, taking long breaths to try to calm his nerves down. “I usually  alternated between dancing and self loathing.”

“I mean, to be fair, I  _ did _ spend a lot of time hating myself, too.”

“Such a special bond we share.”

“I know. Makes me feel like I’ve known you all my life.”

Minho was smiling now, seeming to foget about how high up above the ground he was for a while. His eyes traveled to the boy in front of him, whose smiling face was still just inches away from his own. Looking at Jisung’s face helped to calm his nerves and steady his breathing.

Minho felt his cheeks flush and his stomach do backflips—and it wasn’t because of his fear of heights anymore.

“Jisungie…” he whispered.

“Yeah?”

“I’m scared.”

“Of the height?”

_ Of you _ , Minho wanted to answer.  _ Of everything I’m feeling all at once. _

“Hey, it’s alright,” Jisung assured him when he took too long to answer. He wrapped his arm around Minho’s shoulders tightly and held him closer. “I’m here. We’re not gonna fall. Just focus your eyes on anything that isn’t gonna make you look down, maybe?” Minho snuggled closer, enjoying Jisung’s warmth even though it wasn’t really that chilly. The younger let out a soft, “Oh.” when Minho’s arms made their way around his waist. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Let’s see… maybe you could just stare at that—”

“You?” Minho interrupted. He stared Jisung straight in the eye. “Can I just stare at you?”

“Uh,” Jisung’s eyebrows shot up; clearly he wasn’t expecting anything like that from Minho. He averted his eyes when he answered, “I guess.”

“Thanks,” Minho smiled softly. “It won’t work if you don’t look at me, too, though.”

“I--uh--why?”

“You won’t see my pretty face.”

“Oh, god,” Jisung scoffed, but he did face Minho again, nonetheless. “You’re not that pretty.”

“Says who?”

“Says me.”

“And you are?”

Minho laughed at Jisung, whose face was scowling even though he was clearly trying not to laugh. “Shut up,” Jisung said. He was smiling, though, and his smile filled Minho’s heart with feelings he couldn’t even explain.

“Thank you,” Minho suddenly whispered, moving even closer and wrapping his arms a little tighter around the younger’s waist. “For everything. And...”

Jisung turned to fully face him, their faces barely inches apart, and Minho was once again too aware of how close they were--although he still did nothing to create more distance. “Don’t say it,” Jisung narrowed his eyes at Minho, anticipating what the older would say next.

“And I’m sorry.”

“I said, don’t say it.” Jisung rolled his eyes, and Minho couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction.

“I mean it, Jisung. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me, it’s crazy. I don’t even know what I’d do if—”

Minho was stopped mid sentence when a pair of soft lips found their way on top of his own. His eyes opened wide in surprise. He felt like his heart suddenly stopped beating and started beating rapidly all at the same time. Jisung was kissing him.  _ Shit _ , he thought, his mind racing a mile a minute. What should he do? Of course he wasn’t expecting Jisung to kiss him, but he would be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined feeling Jisung’s lips against his own (and maybe against his neck and collarbones and shoulders, too) more than once.

In Minho’s  _ imagination _ , he would be the one to lean in first, maybe also stopping the younger while he was talking animatedly, and he would part his lips and move them against Jisung’s smoothly, delicately, tasting the sweet strawberry-flavored chapstick the younger often used.  He would break out into a wide grin before cupping the younger’s face and pulling him closer, while the latter wrapped his arms around Minho. And then the kiss would deepen, slowly going faster and faster until they were both gasping for air. In Minho’s imagination, their first kiss was magical.

Except this was  _ real life _ ; and in real life, Minho knew jack shit about kissing. In real life, their first kiss was pretty awkward. In real life, Minho just stayed completely still, eyes wide open, as Jisung placed a hesitant kiss on his chapped lips. And before Minho could even really register what was happening, Jisung was already pulling back, face flushed, eyes darting everywhere but Minho’s face.

“I-I’m…” Jisung stuttered. “I’m sorry, I j-just—I’m really sorry, hyung. I’m—”

“No,” Minho managed to croak out.

“No, I-I shouldn’t have done that. I thought you… wanted me to.”

“No!” the older almost shouted. “No—I mean, yes, of course I wanted you to.”

“You did?”

“I still do.”

“Oh.”

“I just,” Minho sighed loudly, mad at himself. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Oh…” Jisung nodded slowly.

Taking a deep breath, Minho closed his eyes and sighed once more. Despite the frustration, he couldn’t help but laugh at the stupidity of the situation.

“I ruined the moment, didn’t I?” he stated.

At that, Jisung finally turned to face him, placing his fingers below Minho’s chin and raising his face up until they were staring each other in the eye. He smiled softly. It wasn’t the usual toothy grin Minho had gotten used to, but it was still as warm and as reassuring. It still made Minho’s insides melt.

“You didn’t,” Jisung assured Minho. “If anything, you made it even more special. Imagine being the first one who got to kiss you? Man, that’s something.”

“I never said you were the first,” Minho attempted to tease.

Jisung was a lot better at teasing, though, Minho had to admit as the younger leaned in closer to whisper, his lips almost touching Minho’s ear. “You didn’t have to say it.”

Minho almost sighed at the sensation of feeling Jisung’s breath against his ear. He closed his eyes, letting the feel of the younger’s breath against his bare skin, sending shivers down his spine. They weren’t even kissing, but this was already a lot better than any kiss Minho had ever imagined. And when Jisung started tracing his fingers down his cheek, his neck, his arms, Minho had to remind himself that they were at a public place. Inside a Ferris wheel cart. Meters high up in the air. “Please stop,” he whispered weakly. He didn’t really want Jisung to stop, but he felt like he might actually die if he didn’t. He heard him chuckle quietly.

“Okay, I’ll stop,” Jisung said before placing a quick kiss on Minho’s pink-tinted cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“ _ God _ ,” Minho breathed out.

“Yeah,” Jisung nodded. “I get that a lot.”

Minho snorted. Sometimes Jisung said the most unexpected things.

“Shut up,” Minho scoffed.

“Make me.”

“Is that a dare?”

“It depends. Do you want it to be?”

“I…” Suddenly Minho was nervous again. Was Jisung daring him to make the first move? Was Minho brave enough to make the first move? Did Minho even know what ‘move’ really meant? So many thoughts were starting to race inside his head once again. He didn’t want Jisung to think he didn’t want to kiss him, but he also didn’t want to end up disappointing Jisung because he didn’t know how to kiss.

“I can’t,” he whispered dejectedly. He really wished he could, though. He really, really wished he could just lean in and kiss Han Jisung.

“You can,” Jisung said simply. He started leaning in again. “We can always practice, you know?”

Jisung’s lips were once again on top of Minho’s. This time, though, Minho had anticipated it, so when he noticed Jisung hesitate again because it took him too long to kiss back, he tilted his head to the side and parted his lips a little, allowing Jisung enough access to move his lips and lead the kiss. It took a few seconds for Minho to adjust, and Jisung was patient, slowing down whenever Minho was unsure of what to do next. As soon as Minho had started getting the hang of it, Jisung quickened the pace, too, all the while still being gentle. Minho sighed into the kiss, a smile forming its way onto his lips. It was everything he had imagined and more. Jisung’s lips were soft and sweet from the cotton candy they had shared earlier, and Minho loved the feel of their lips together. He could not believe it. He felt like his heart was really going to burst as Jisung ran his hands through his hair and pulled on it lightly, all the while never breaking the kiss.

Minho had never kissed anyone before, so he didn’t have anything to compare this kiss with, but he was so sure that he never wanted to kiss anyone else but Han Jisung, never wanted to feel anyone else’s lips against his aside from Han Jisung’s, never wanted anyone else to run their fingers through his hair except for Han Jisung. He guessed that Jisung felt the same way, too, because when they’d finally broken apart, both of them were smiling ear to ear.

The moment was so cheesy, Minho thought, and if it were a rom-com movie he would have probably already been gagging by now. But this was Jisung , the bright boy who greeted even the baristas at coffee shops a ‘good morning.’ Jisung, whose eyes lit up at the sight of his best friends, whose cheeks were so soft Minho never wanted to take his hands off, whose hands were so warm it kept Minho from shaking and falling apart. Jisung, who had selflessly helped him stay away from his darkest thoughts and most haunting memories, who had reminded him that yes, he was still alive and breathing. Jisung, who had brought an almost blinding light into Minho’s life.

And Jisung had kissed Minho.

And Minho had kissed him back.

And at that moment, nothing could have scared Minho as much as his own feelings for this boy did—not even the fact that their passenger cart had reached the highest height yet and stayed there for a few minutes.

“I like you,” Minho said. He felt like his heart was going to combust. His heart was overwhelmed with happiness and fulfillment and contentment and Jisung and Jisung’s smile and his eyes and his warmth.

“More than the four a.m. sky?” Jisung replied, smiling widely with a reddish tint on his cheeks that Minho found extremely cute.

“A lot more than the four a.m. sky.”  _ More than anything. _

“I like you, too, hyung.”

Minho bit his lower lip to keep himself from smiling too much. This was the first time Jisung had explicitly told him that he liked him, too. Minho was elated. He felt like he was flying—or falling, rather. Either way, he was still going to end up helplessly hanging by a thread that Jisung held. And he was okay with it.

 

“Isn’t smoking supposed to be banned inside amusement parks?” Jisung asked, visibly annoyed.

The man walking in front of them just threw away the butt of his cigarette after smoking at an area Minho believed was supposed to be smoke-free.

“I think so,” Minho answered, sliding his fingers in between Jisung’s as they walked aimlessly around the park.

“I hate smokers,” the younger hissed.

“Don’t you smoke?”

“I used to .”

“I literally saw you smoking last week.”

“I was stressed,” Jisung explained, shrugging, like he wasn’t being a complete hypocrite by what he’d just said. Minho snorts. “Normally, I wouldn’t even go near a pack of cigarettes anymore, and my friends would never let me do that, either. I guess Chan-hyung just thought I needed something cathartic, but, like, more instant ”

“ _ More instant _ .” Minho echoed. Instant catharsis? Wasn’t that what everyone wanted, really? Wasn’t that what everyone who’s suffocating, drowning, and falling needed ?

“It’s kind of… a faster, cleaner form of release, you know, without…” Jisung tried to find the word to use, a euphemism, perhaps, but Minho knew what Jisung had thought of.

“Cutting,” Minho stated.

“Yeah, that. And smoking kills you a bit slower, too.”

“Is that why people do it? Smoking.”

“Honestly? We can’t really know, hyung. That’s why I did it, yes, but I’m sure people have different reasons. Changbin-hyung just did it that night because I initially didn’t want to; he lit his own cigarette so I wouldn’t feel too bad. But then I still ended up smoking more than half the pack and he took a hit, like,  _ once _ .”

“He must love you a lot,” Minho noted, smiling fondly at their interlaced hands. Despite how stoic Changbin appeared, Minho knew he fell apart at the mention of his best friends’ names. Minho knew Changbin had his walls up, just like he himself did—the difference, Minho figured, was that Changbin had built his walls not just around himself but also around his friends, trying his best to shield them from all the the harm and ugliness of the world.

“He does,” Jisung laughed. “He, Chan-hyung, and Woojin-hyung do. I didn’t deserve it, honestly. I’m still not sure if I do now, but I’m too selfish, anyway.”

“You do,” Minho assured him, because if there was anyone who deserved to be loved in this universe, it was definitely Han Jisung.

“Thanks,” Jisung laughed almost bitterly.

Minho squeezed the younger’s hand and drew him closer. “Believe me,” he whispered in Jisung’s ear before kissing his temple. “ You do.”

The two of them walked around happily, hands intertwined, ignoring the vibrating of both their phones. Their friends were probably worried or looking for them because they’d both decided to ditch their remaining classes for the day without telling anyone else. Minho was just smiling contently, enjoying the warmth and presence of Jisung, who was humming while walking beside him. A few minutes later and Jisung stopped humming to tell Minho that he was hungry, and that Minho still owed him lunch and dinner.

“What do you wanna eat?” Minho asked him,

Earlier that day, Minho had given Jisung the food he’d bought at the cafe with Woojin, and Jisung ate while Minho drove towards the amusement park. Before they’d gotten to their destination, though, Jisung had asked to stop at a pizza place nearby, just because Jisung said he loved pepperoni pizza, and so they did stop there and each had a slice of what according to Jisung was ‘the best’ pepperoni pizza. Of course, Jisung never forgot to remind Minho that he was supposed to pay. As if Minho was planning to do anything otherwise.

“Cake,” Josung finally answered.

“But we’ve already had cotton candy earlier.”

“And your point is?”

“My point is,” Minho sighed. “Haven’t you had too much sugar for today?”

“There’s no such thing as ‘too much sugar,’ Lee Minho-ssi.”

“There is, actually. I believe it’s called diabetes.”

“Diabetes doesn’t happen because of too much sugar, though. It happens when your body stops turning food into energy or something.”

Minho raised an eyebrow, surprised yet a little unsure if what Jisung said was actually true.

“Learned that at school,” Jisung explained with a smug look on his face.

Minho tried his hardest to put on a scowl, but as soon as the younger turned around to face him, smiling brightly like the ray of sunshine that he was, Minho couldn’t help but break out in a wide smile, and it was enough to make Jisung purse his lips and avoid Minho’s eyes as his face turned a shade of pink.

“Come on,” Jisung pulled on Minho’s hand, walking faster. “Just let me get some cake and I’ll get you your bitter ass coffee.”

The older laughed out loud as he let Jisung lead him through the crowd. There were so many people around them: parents with their children, groups of friends hanging out, couples holding hands and going on dates, but Minho didn’t notice them anymore. He was focused on his own date, on their hands interlaced together as they walked side by side, on the soft smile on Jisung’s face assuring Minho that he was having as good a time as he was.

Minho was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for still reading and thank you for commenting and thank you for supporting this fic and literally just thank you so much i love you i hope this one isnt too disappointing considering how long it took sigh  
> [curiouscat](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im back again with another cringe ass chapter. im sorry. i hope its okay at least  
> 

Changbin was right; Jisung did  _ not _ need his house keys yesterday.

 

It was already late in the morning when Jisung woke up, the sunlight hitting his eyes the instant he opened them. He felt an unfamiliar weight around his midsection—Minho’s arm. He smiled at the thought, the memory of falling asleep beside the older fresh in his mind.

They'd stayed up late last night, watching the first four films of the  _ Harry Potter _ franchise as soon as they’d gotten home, as per Jisung’s insistence, because Minho hadn’t seen them yet and the younger had insisted that ‘he needed to see them at least once in his life.’ Not even halfway through the fourth film, though, Jisung had already dozed off, cuddled up next to Minho on the bed (because they’d opted to watch on Minho’s Macbook instead of the big flat screen TV on the other side of the room). 

Minho had actually originally planned on sleeping on the couch, just like the first time Jisung had slept over, but just as he was about to get up from the bed, Jisung had tightened his grip around the older’s waist and nuzzled his head closer to his chest, using one of his arms as a makeshift pillow. “Stay,” Jisung had managed to whisper in his sleepy state. “ _ Stay _ .”

And so Minho did. He’d stayed that night beside Jisung, letting him use his arm as a pillow even though it rendered his arm numb. He’d let the younger wrap his arms around him, and had wrapped his arm around the younger in return. He’d stayed the whole night by Jisung’s side, and Jisung was thankful for the warmth and safety that Minho’s presence brought.

Jisung rolled around as gently as he could, so as not to wake the other up, until he was facing Minho and their noses were barely an inch away from each other. Minho looked serene while he slept, Jisung thought, like he was finally at peace with the thoughts that haunted him. Except it didn’t really work like that, did it? Nagging memories of sadness and hurt didn’t go away overnight.

Sighing silently, Jisung placed his fingertips gently on Minho’s face, circling them, drawing patterns on the soft and delicate skin. He grazed the tips of his fingers lightly over the older’s features; he traced feathery caresses over the older’s brows, eyelids, cheekbones, nose, and lips, where Jisung’s gaze and fingers lingered for more than a few seconds longer. Minho’s lips were chapped and a bit dry; despite that, though, they’d still been the softest pair of lips Jisung had ever kissed.

The memory of the kiss from the day before resurfaced, and with it came butterflies in his stomach. Just the thought that he’d actually been the first one to kiss those lips was enough for a stupidly wide grin to plaster itself on Jisung’s face. He felt the urge to kiss those soft lips again, but fought against it. It would be weird, he thought, since Minho was asleep; it would probably be creepy. Besides, he hadn’t even brushed his teeth; it was yet another mildy stupid thing that made him too insecure to kiss anyone, let alone Minho. He would have to settle on softly stroking the latter’s face while staring at his gentle features. Not that Jisung minded, though; he really liked looking at Minho’s face, at his long eyelashes that grazed his cheekbones, at his lips that slightly curved upwards at the edges, at his brows that were somehow furrowed a little in his sleep.

Jisung sighed.

Lee Minho was really, really beautiful, he thought.

He could really, really get used to waking up like this.

“Jisungie?” Minho’s low and sleepy groan was barely audible as he stirred, still half asleep. If their faces weren’t too close, Jisung probably wouldn’t have heard how cute and adorable the older’s sleepy voice was. His smile widened even more.

“Hey,” whispered Jisung.

“Hey,” replied the older, his voice hoarse from having just woken up. 

Jisung watched as he opened his eyes slowly, his lashes fluttering in a way that Jisung found breathtaking. It was as if everything Minho did was beautiful and made his poor heart skip a few beats. “Morning,” he greeted. His fingertips were still hovering absentmindedly over the older’s cheek.

“That tickles,” Minho giggled, pulling Jisung closer as he wrapped his arm around him a little tighter. He let his next words drawl out, “Good morning, babe. I missed my morning run because of you.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.  _ This _ is better.”

“You’re so cheesy.”

“Get used to it, Jisung. It just gets cheesier from here. I got it from you, anyway.” Smiling, the older removed his arm from where it was draped around Jisung and brought his hand up to touch the younger’s cheek, caressing his cheekbones with soft fingers as he cupped his face. And for a while, the two of them just lied there, staring at each other, smiling contently. “I wish you lived here,” Minho said after a while, the sleepiness from his voice already gone.

Jisung laughed softly in response. “Never would’ve thought you’d get this clingy,” he teased. It was a nice thought, he must admit, but frankly, he thought he still loved Chan’s house too much.

Minho scoffed, lightly slapping Jisung’s cheek twice. “Come on,” he said, “time to get up.”

“But we just woke up,” whined Jisung. He pouted his lips at Minho, trying to act cute, as if that would help him get his way; it had definitely worked more than once. He put his arm around Minho’s waist, hugging him tightly. “I don’t wanna get up yet.”

“What time’s your next class again?” Minho sounded stern when he asked, but he was smiling without even making any move to break free from the younger’s embrace.

“I don’t wanna go to class, hyung,” Jisung tightened his arms around Minho, pulling him even closer. “Let’s just stay here.”

“I’d love that, too, but Chan-hyung’s gonna kill me if I don’t get you to at least one of your classes.”

“I hate uni. I just wanna make music.”

“Aren’t you majoring in composition?”

“Yeah, but that’s different.”

“Honestly, I don’t know shit about that but you gotta go to your class, Jisung.”

“Alright, alright. Jeez, I’m not gonna ditch my classes today. Let’s just stay like this for a while. Please,” said Jisung, and smiled as the elder male just sighed in defeat.

“Okay,” Minho smiled at him softly. He used his free hand to push Jisung’s hair back before placing a fleeting kiss on his forehead. “I’m really glad I met you,” he whispered.

“Me, too,” the younger answered, closing his eyes and letting the warmth and comfort emanating from Minho spread through him. “ Me, too. ”

 

Classes were boring, to say the least. Earlier that day, when Jisung and Minho had almost fallen asleep again, he received a phone call from Woojin, waking him up and reminding him to go to class and to come home once in a while, which Jisung found overly dramatic, because he’d really just been gone for a day and a night. After taking a bath and having a hearty breakfast of stale, leftover pizza, Minho had driven Jisung to the university, where they finally parted. Jisung hadn’t seen the older since then. God, he thought, he was already starting to miss him. Was he really in this deep already?

“Earth to Jisung,” Changbin snapped his fingers in front of Jisung’s face.

Startled and a bit annoyed, he answered, “What?”

“I was saying Woojin-hyung’s inviting us to the cinemas later.”

“Oh.” Jisung finally took a bite from the cheeseburger he’d been holding for about half an hour already. “Yeah, sure. Who else is going?”

“Chan-hyung, me, and Felix.”

“Wow. You guys really gotta make me your fifth wheel, huh?”

“Actually,” Felix chimed in. He had finished eating his lunch and was finally joining in on the conversation. “We were assuming you’d be bringing Minho-hyung.”

Jisung almost choked on his cheeseburger. “Why would you assume that?”

“Why  _ wouldn’t _ we assume that, Jisung?” Changbin teased.

“Well...” Jisung started, but trailed off. Well... his friends weren’t necessarily wrong, in a way. But then he and Minho weren’t really seeing each other, were they? Yes, they kissed, they held hands, and Jisung had even slept in Minho’s bed twice, although the first time wasn’t really intentional. They’d gone to exactly two dates; Jisung usually stopped seeing someone after one or two dates… but was he about to ask Minho to go out on a third date, even though it would be some kind of triple date with their other friends?

“Are you guys, like, dating now?” it was Felix who asked, curiosity obvious in his tone of voice.

“I don’t know,” Jisung shrugged, trying to brush it off like it wasn’t a big deal. And it really was not a big deal—or at least, it should not be a big deal, whether they were dating or not.

“Really?” Changbin seemed genuinely surprised. “You were out the whole day yesterday, even skipping class so you could go on a date like a bunch of high schoolers.”

“What do you have against high schoolers, you old hag?” Jisung scowled at his best friend.

“But it  _ was _ a date, right?” Felix asked, ignoring his boyfriend’s attempted banter with Jisung.

“Yes,” Jisung answered simply, shoving the rest of his cheeseburger into his mouth. “I mean, I think so? He said it was.”

“Oh,” the other nodded thoughtfully. “That’s nice.”

Jisung wanted to ask why, but then his phone’s alarm rang, signaling it’s time to head to his next and last class for the day.

“Gotta go,” he said. “See you guys later.”

“Yeah,” Changbin nodded, holding out a fist for Jisung to bump.

“See you!” Felix called enthusiastically after. “Don’t forget to tell Minho-hyung!”

Jisung sighed. He guess he really had no choice. Anyway, it wasn’t as if he didn’t want to spend time with Minho, even if it wouldn’t be a date. He pulled out his phone and sent him a text.

_ hey, do u wanna watch a movie later with woojinhyung chanhyung changbinhyung felix??? _

He received a reply after a few seconds.

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ sure. what time?’ _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ wow ur not even gonna ask if im going too??? _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ i only want to go because of woojin. _

Oh.

**_Jisung:_ ** _ ok _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ are you jealous? lol _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ no. lol. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ lol _

**_Jisung:_ ** _ arts parking lot later around 4. _

**_Minho_ ** **_♡_ ** **_:_ ** _ okay. see you. <3 _

“See you my ass,” Jisung hissed at his phone as he clicked the power button and shoved it into his pocket. He was completely aware of how petty he was acting, but Minho could go see Woojin for all he cared. Even though it clearly didn’t make sense, because Woojin and Chan were kind of together, and Minho didn’t like Woojin. “God damn it,” Jisung said, scowling at the air. People walking past him probably sensed his bad mood, because everyone tried to avoid him while walking. He didn’t care about them right now, though. He was overthinking. And it was stupid. So fucking stupid. Maybe he really was in that deep.

Jisung heaved a sigh. What the hell was happening to him? What were those stupid thoughts that made their way to his brain, making him think irrationally and, well, stupidly? Whatever it was, Jisung was glad his day was almost over and he only had the dance PE class left to attend; surely dancing for fun until he was tired and covered in sweat would help him clear his thoughts. He’d also get to talk to some of his classmates, sury that would lighten his mood.

And it did. While dancing wasn’t as cathartic as music and rapping was to Jisung, it still held some form of release and helped Jisung clear his mind. He left the gym tired and sweaty, but also smiling and laughing with a bunch of other classmates. He really liked this class; even the professor and students who helped in teaching the choreography (the ones in the dance club; Jeno was even there, and Jisung made a mental note to tell Jeongin about it later) were all fun to be with. Jisung’s mood was definitely boosted, and the annoyance from his earlier exchange with Minho was almost forgotten. Until he saw the now-familiar car parked in front of the gym.

“Bye, Jisung!” Jeno waved at him.

“See you tomorrow,” he waved back. And then he made his way towards Minho’s car, trying to push down the weird feeling he suddenly felt. He saw Minho get out of the car and wave at him, smiling widely; he waved back, offering Minho a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Hey,” the older greeted.

“What are you doing here?” Jisung asked.

“Picking you up.”

“Didn’t I say to meet at the Arts parking lot?”

“You did,” Minho answered. “But I wanted to pick you up here. Let’s go.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I said I wanted to.”

Jisung took a deep breath before getting inside the passenger seat. He was scared that the now-comfortable car would suddenly turn suffocating. He didn’t want that. This was stupid. Why was he being stupid?

The drive was short and quiet; they’d reached their meeting place within a few minutes. Jisung checked his phone for a message from his friends but found none, so he sent them each a message telling them that he and Minho were already waiting there, then closed his phone and put it in his pocket. He sighed. He was aware that the older had been staring at him the whole time. He wanted to say something to ease the atmosphere, make it less awkward; usually he was good at that, he would just say some dumb shit and make people laugh. At the moment, though, the words wouldn't come, so he just closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the headrest.

“What’s wrong?” Minho finally asked.

What was wrong? Jisung wasn’t sure. “Nothing,” he answered. “I’m just tired.”

“Did I do something?” the older prodded..

Did he? “No,” Jisung answered.

“Then why are you upset? You looked happy when you bid Jeno-ssi goodbye.”

Why was Jisung upset, really? Jisung didn’t really know either. But he had a hunch. But it was stupid. “Nothing,” he swatted the question away. “It’s stupid, anyway.”

“If you’re upset, then it’s not stupid.”

Jisung sighed. Minho wasn’t going to give up, was he? “Maybe I lied earlier,” admitted Jisung. “Maybe I am a bit jealous.”

“ _ Jealous _ ?”

“Yes, hyung. Jealous. ”

“Of whom?”

“Woojin-hyung.” Jisung outwardly cringed. It sounded even more dumb and stupid when he said out loud. The younger was honestly so embarrassed about what he felt and what he’d just said that he refused to look at Minho even when he felt the weight of the latter’s gaze on him. God, he wished the earth would just swallow him and his stupid feelings. How could he be jealous of someone like Kim Woojin, his best friend, one the kindest people ever? Of course, it was just natural that people wanted to be around someone like Woojin instead of Jisung. He squeezed his eyes shut and cursed at himself, mad that he even felt that way.

“Sorry,” Minho, probably realizing that the younger was really done with speaking, apologized. He put his hand on top of Jisung’s on his thigh, and the latter’s eyes shot open in surprise.

“What?” he asked incredulously.

“I was joking earlier. I didn’t think it would come off like that. I don’t see Woojin-hyung that way, don’t worry.”

“I know,” Jisung sighed. He felt bad, that he made Minho feel bad and apologize when he did nothing wrong and Jisung was just being petty and dumb. “I should be the one saying sorry, really. I just—I was supposed to be inviting you out on a date but then you said you only wanted to see Woojin-hyung and I got annoyed, I guess.”

“So this is a date?”

“I—,” Jisung rolled his eyes at the older, but finally allowed himself a smile. “That’s all you picked up from my apology?”

Minho just shrugged. He entwined their fingers together and pulled Jisung’s hand towards his lips, leaving a kiss. It sent tingles down Jisung’s spine, making his stomach churn in a somewhat good way.

“Am I your first third date, then?” Minho asked, now tucking their intertwined hands under his chin and pouting cutely.

Jisung just scoffed in reply and rolled his eyes again. He didn’t pull his hand away, though, and he guessed that was enough of an answer for Minho.

“You must really like me a lot,” the older teased, followed by his cute, almost painfully contagious laugh.

Jisung couldn’t help but let his grin spread wider.

_ Yeah,  _ he thought to himself,  _ I’m in this fucking deep _ .

The two of them ended up waiting for a few more minutes before receiving a message from Felix saying he and Changbin were on their way, and then a few more minutes after that before receiving another text, this time from Woojin, saying he and Chan were almost there.

Jisung usually didn’t like being kept waiting, it made him feel uneasy. This time, though, he didn’t mind it because Minho was there with him, however cheesy that might’ve sounded even to his own ears. During the time they waited in the car, Minho had let Jisung listen to a song by a foreign band that Minho liked; it was the first time Minho had ever mentioned the topic of artists that he liked and music in general during a conversation, and Jisung was ecstatic . It was a bit dramatic, he knew, but he really loved it when people shared their favorite things with him, especially their favorite songs. It felt personal for him, like Minho was sharing something that was really special to him. Jisung doubted that the older actually thought about it in the same way, but Jisung was really happy that Minho had shared some of his favorite songs. One of the songs,  _ Stupid for You _ , Jisung really found himself liking. The title even suited him, he thought, and he’d narrowed his eyes at Minho, asking him if he was just teasing, but Minho insisted it was just a coincidence. Either way, Jisung didn’t really care. He was just happy.

It took a few more minutes of waiting and listening to the same two songs on repeat, as per Jisung’s wish again, before Felix was knocking on the window, which Minho rolled down.

“Hey,” the boy greeted them. “Sorry we’re late. They’re over there—,” he pointed to where Chan’s car was parked, “—Changbin-hyung’s riding with them. I’m riding with you so please unlock the door.”

Minho obliged and Felix climbed into the backseat.

“You guys into third-wheeling now or something?” Minho mused as he started the car.

“No,” replied Felix, “ you’re the one third-wheeling, hyung. Jisung and I are soulmates. Right, Jisung?”

“Yeah,” Jisung laughed, before playfully pulling his hand away from Minho’s grip. “Sorry, hyung, but Felix is the one.”

The older just rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath, “You’re glad I’m not as petty as you,” which earned him a playful slap on his shoulder. The two of them ended up laughing.

“Okay,” Felix announced from the backseat, “fuck you two, I actually am the third-wheel.” And then Felix joined them in laughing, their mixed voices a pleasant sound to Jisung’s ears.

“Oh, by the way,” Felix said sometime in between random conversations. “Hyunjin and Seungmin said they were coming, too. They’d meet us there.”

“Oh,” Jisung replied. “So it’s a four-way date?”

“I guess.”

“Seungminnie’s birthday is coming up,” Minho said thoughtfully. It was one of the (quite many) traits Jisung found endearing about the older boy; he remembered birthdays and other random, rather mundane details. Frankly, it wasn’t even that special; if anything, it was bare minimum because friends were supposed to remember each others’ birthdays, but if one had grown up like Jisung, whose parents didn’t even remember his birthday, it really seemed like a big deal.

“Yeah,” Felix nodded eagerly, “I think Hyunjin said we’re going on a trip.”

At that, Jisung felt his heart clench a little. He was reminded that, of course, he still really wasn’t a part of Minho’s tight group. He wasn’t exactly sad or jealous, it was just that the last couple of days had been spent with them and it had all felt so natural to Jisung that he almost forgot they weren’t initially just one big group of friends. Nevertheless, he was happy for them, especially for Seungmin. He smiled fondly at the thought of the other, and he hoped to any and every god that Seungmin was doing better.

“He’s doing great, Jisungie,” Felix suddenly said, as if he could read Jisung’s mind, and Jisung wondered if it had something to do with that soulmate shit. “He’s doing extremely better. Hyunjinnie’s taking good care of him.”

“Yeah,” Minho agreed, but his tone was worried, “he isn’t taking care of himself, though.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem.”

“I think he blames himself.”

“I think so, too,” Felix agreed. “Seungmin thinks so, too, and I’m not sure but I think because of that Seungmin also blames himself for what’s happening to Hyunjin, too.”

Jisung heard Minho sigh beside him. He felt like he was invading what was supposed to be a private conversation between long-time friends, so he stayed completely silent even though he really wanted to say that Hyunjin shouldn’t be blaming himself for anything, and that Seungmin shouldn’t be feeling guilty for anything either. Minho probably noticed the younger’s uncharacteristic silence and sad expression because he grabbed Jisung’s hand and gave it a tight squeeze, not letting go even when it made it a bit harder for him to drive.

 

“Hyung, I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long!” Hyunjin exclaimed dramatically when they’d finally met up with each other in front of the cinema. Jisung watched as he ruffled Minho’s hair, purposely trying to ruin Minho’s hair, which was useless because Minho’s hair was already rather tousled, anyway (which might have been Jisung’s fault because of something the two of them had done—which involved lips and tongues and exposed necks and running fingers through each others’ hair—while they were waiting inside Minho’s car earlier; in his defense, the others were taking too long and he and Minho were too bored ).

The others were just laughing at Hyunjin’s silly antics, though, and soon Jisung was joining in as well. They ended up spending a good few minutes just laughing at and with each other, until Woojin, the ever so sensible one, finally suggested that they should probably buy their tickets since the line was getting longer by the second. To which everyone agreed, but not before settling who would line up and who would pay for whose tickets.

In the end, Chan, Woojin, Hyunjin, and Minho were the ones who lined up to buy the tickets. Jisung, Changbin, Felix, and Seungmin were assigned to buy snacks later when they finally get their tickets. Because Jisung and the other three weren’t doing anything yet, Changbin and Felix decided to go for a stroll and probably look around the nearby boutiques, leaving Jisung and Seungmin to stand by the side and avoid getting bumped into by the bustling people.

“How are you feeling?” Jisung asked the other. They were past the awkward and courteous greetings by now, Jisung liked to think.

“Bloated,” Seungmin answered, earning a snort from the other.. “Hyunjin and his parents have been feeding me too much.”

“That’s good, though, right?”

“Being fed? Yeah. Feeling bloated all the time? Not really. Gotta get myself some laxatives.”.

“You haven’t gone home, have you?” Jisung asked, turning a bit more serious, but still keeping a light tone.

Seungmin shrugged. “They don’t seem to mind.”

Jisung nodded. He understood it all too well. His parents never really cared when he himself had started not going home. It was rather sad, but Jisung was actually glad for Seungmin; at least he didn’t need to feel suffocated in a house where no one cared about him.

“Besides,” Seungmin added, his voice livelier, “Hyunjin’s parents are nice, everyone there’s nice to me, and Woojin-hyung actually just lives a few blocks away. Hyunjin and I bumped into him once when we were jogging.”

“Really?” Jisung’s eyebrows shot up. “Hyunjin lives there, too? Damn, he’s rich.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin laughed. “He  _ is _ . I don’t think it shows that much, though. Hyunjin only acts…  _ mildly _ rich.”

“I can see that, actually. Woojin-hyung doesn’t even act rich.”

“That’s true. I kinda feel bad, but I was really surprised when I saw him in Hyunjin’s neighborhood.”

Jisung laughed out loud. “Sorry,” he said in between fits of laughter. “It’s just, he’s probably gonna be so happy when he hears that. He hates being called rich, he tries hard not to look the part.”

Just then, the two people in predicament, Hyunjin and Woojin, finally approached them, tickets in hand. They were followed closely by Chan and Minho at the back.

“We got the tickets,” Woojin announced happily.

“For the last full show,” Hyunjin  added.

“Well, at least we have time to eat,” Chan offered. “Where’s Felix and Changbin, by the way?”

Both Jisung and Seungmin shrugged at the same time.

“I think they went shopping,” Seungmin said.

“Or they went to the bathroom,” Jisung added.

“Oh,” replied Chan. “Let’s just tell them where we’ll be eating. Let’s go.”

Jisung watched as Woojin took Chan’s hand and Seungmin took Hyunjin’s hand and both couples easily fell into step, walking side by side with their hands connected. And then he felt Minho’s hand sliding into his, and he felt electricity flow through his arm. He glanced sideways at the older, who just had a faint but happy smile etched on his beautiful face. Jisung found himself smiling up at the older, feeling happy and contented, although admittedly sometimes he still couldn’t believe he was up this close with Minho. And that Minho actually liked him and enjoyed his presence and enjoyed holding his hand and—

Minho all of a sudden put his arm protectively around him and pulled him close to his chest.

“Watch it,” Minho hissed. Jisung looked ahead and found a group of older men too close to them, making him feel uncomfortable.

“ _ You _ watch it,” one of the men spat back. “Faggots.”

“Fuc—,” Minho was about to say something back, but thankfully Chan and Hyunjin were suddenly standing in between them and the group of disrespectful men. Seungmin had moved closer to Minho and Jisung.

“Excuse me, Sir,” Chan said, “We just need to pass through, please.”

“You’re blocking our way,” the older man insisted.

“No,” Woojin’s voice was icy when he spoke, rather authoritatively, squaring his jaw, and Jisung couldn’t help but notice how… regal his friend actually sounded. “You guys were about to move aside, right?” Woojin was challenging the older man, Jisung realized. It was the first time he had seen Woojin act this scary.

The man scowled. “Nah,” he said roughly, “ya ain’t worth my time.” He motioned to his companions and they went on their way.

“Fuckers,” Jisung, still wrapped in Minho’s protective arm, heard the older mutter under his breath.

“You guys okay?” Woojin’s cold demeanor was gone as quickly as it had come, replaced with worry for his youngest best friend. “Jisung?”

“Yeah,” answered the younger, “thanks, I’m okay. You looked scary back there.”

Woojin just chuckled and shrugged. “Got it from my dad, I guess.”

And just like that, they were all back on their way, couples walking side by side again, fingers interlocked. Except Minho, who still had an arm wrapped protectively along Jisung’s waist. Jisung felt himself blushing at the close contact in such a public place. But he liked it, to be honest; he liked how protective Minho had gotten earlier, like he wanted to make sure nothing touched Jisung. And now, walking in close proximity with the older, who had his arm around him, Jisung felt safe.

 

Jisung couldn’t believe he’d lost in a ridiculously intense game of rock-paper-scissors against seven other people. Lucky for him, the punishment was just that he had to be the one to order the food and not actually pay for all the food. It should have been the former, really, but Minho had graciously saved Jisung’s broke ass.

“It would be unfair,” Minho had explained, “to ask Jisung, a mere student with no source of income, to pay for all our meals.”

“You wouldn’t say that if it were me,” Hyunjin had countered.

“Or me,” Changbin had chimed in. “I’m a mere student, too.”

“Just admit you play favorites, hyung,” Felix had said, causing both Jisung’s and Minho’s faces to turn a light shade of pink.

“Alright,” it was Chan who had finally decided. “Just get us our orders, we’ll all pay for our own food. Except for you, Woojin, I’ll pay for yours.”

Which was why Jisung was now struggling to hear and understand what everyone was saying. Until he, the ever so dramatic, couldn’t really take it anymore.

“Okay,” he almost shouted. “Shut the fuck up and list down your orders.”

“Do you have a pen and paper?” Changbin asked. “I’d like a—.”

“Fuck you, too, Changbin-ssi, I’m not a waiter. And I don’t have a pen and paper.” Jisung took out his phone and opened the notes app before passing it around and telling everyone to type down what they wanted. After what seemed to Jisung like half an hour later, they’d all typed down their orders and Jisung’s eyes opened wide in surprise.

“How am I supposed to order all of these?” he whined. “Are you sure these are for seven people? Mine isn’t even on here yet and this is already too much!”

“It’s not really,” Felix said. “That’s kinda normal.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin offered him a smile. “For the record, mine’s just burger and fries and milkshake. Anyway, Hyunjin here’s gonna help you, Jisung, don’t worry.”

“Oh,” Jisung was dumbfounded. He was just kidding, being his dramatic self. “No need, no need. I was just joking.”

But Hyunjin had already gotten up from his seat, rolling his eyes at Jisung. “Let’s go, squirrel boy,” he said as he strode towards the front of the fast food chain to order their food.

“Hyunjin,” Jisung said as he reached the other boy and joined him in lining up. “It’s okay, you could go back there. I was just kidding.”

A sigh made its way out Hyunjin’s lips. “I thought we’ve established that I don’t bite?” he said.

Jisung stared at him for a bit too long, until he remembered Hyunjin hated being stared at, so he averted his eyes, saying, “You lost me there.”

“What I’m saying, Jisung, is can we just, like, skip the awkward stage and, you know.” He shrugged.

Now Jisung was even more lost. He wasn’t sure whether was just too dumb to understand or Hyunjin was really being vague.

“Hyunjin,” he started, “I’m really sorry for staring at you, I know it makes you uncomfortable, but you might wanna elaborate, yeah?”

Jisung wasn’t expecting Hyunjin to laugh at what he had just said (or was Hyunjin laughing at him?), nor was Jisung expecting what Hyunjin said next. “You know,” said Hyunjin, his eyes disappearing and turning into crescents as he offered Jisung the most genuine smile he’d ever offered him, “I could really see why Minho-hyung likes you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I think you guys are good for each other.”

“Uh… Thanks? I still don’t get what you’re trying to say, though.”

“Let’s be friends.”

“Oh.”

“But, like, let’s skip the weird awkward part and shit. I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I.”

“Great,” Hyunjin smiled at him again, and this time, Jisung smiled back. He had just made a new friend. “Now, go, you gotta order shit for us.”

“Thought you were gonna help me? You know, as good a friend would do.”

“Nah,” Hyunjin scoffed. “I’m more of an annoying, useless friend, actually.”

“Can I take my friendship back, please.”

“You can’t.”

“God, I regret this friendship already.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin laughed. “That’s what Minho-hyung always says, yet he’s still here.”

“Guess he’s just as stuck as me.”

“Bitch.”

And somehow they ended up laughing, probably annoying the other people waiting in line. They couldn’t care less, though.

“Hey, by the way,” Hyunjin said as they made their way back to their table, carrying trays full of burgers and fries and chicken and colas and ice cream sundaes. “We’re celebrating Seungminnie’s birthday this weekend. We hope you guys could come.”

“Oh,” answered Jisung, remembering the conversation earlier in the car. “Yeah, Felix mentioned that. I didn’t think we’d be invited, though.”

“Well, you guys are. Besides, you guys are actually pretty fun to hang out with.”

“Wow, thanks. Anyway, yeah, I’ll tell them later. I think we’re all free this weekend.”

“Inform me soon, though, so I can make reservations.”

“Sure, we’ll see each other tomorrow, anyway.”

 

“What took you guys so long?” Felix whined as soon as the two arrived at the table.

“Maybe if you didn’t order too much, we’d be done earlier,” Hyunjin said as he put down his tray. “I don’t know which food is whose, so just get yours. Except this—,” he took some of the food, “—this is ours.”

Jisung moved to place his tray on the other side of the table, near Minho, who was looking at him expectantly with wide open eyes and a soft smile. Jisung smiled back just as softly. “Here,” he handed him a cup of iced coffee that the fast food chain surprisingly had. “Is this really all you’re having?”

“Mm-hmm,” Minho nodded happily. He looked so cute, Jisung thought, like a child happily receiving candy or ice cream, except Minho didn’t like candy and ice cream like Jisung still did. Minho liked coffee.

“Okay, then,” the younger sighed. He took the empty seat next to Minho, automatically slipping his hand into the other’s. They were sitting close, their shoulders touching, and it brought a stupidly big smile on Jisung’s lips while he took a sip from his strawberry milkshake.

Jisung liked milkshake.

He also liked holding hands with the boy next to him.

He liked the boy next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so excited for the comeback aaaa the teaser images are so pretty!!!!!! :(((  
> also as always comments are appreciated hehe thank you so much for reading!!! ily <3  
> [curiouscat](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! firstly, if youre still here, tHANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!  
> im sorry this took too long, and its not even a long chapter, nor did a lot of things happen here. i still hope you dont find it too disappointing, considering how long it took for me to post an update.

Minho woke up one Sunday morning rather late according to his own standards. Snuggled beside him in the bed they had claimed for their weekend trip at a beach resort in Gangwon was Jisung, snoring softly. He carefully removed the younger’s arm around his waist so as not to wake him, before making his way over to the other bed where Jeongin was sleeping just as soundly, curled up with his blanket covering only his legs. As gently as he could, Minho pulled the blanket up to Jeongin’s chest while maybe, possibly, internally cringing at himself for doing so.

When Minho got out of their room and walked into the spacious living room of the penthouse Hyunjin had reserved for them, which his dad had generously paid for, he saw Woojin and Chan already dressed up and ready to leave.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Chan greeted him with his dimpled smile.

“Seems so, yes,” he replied monotonously, but not without a smile on his own lips. “You guys leaving now?”

“Yeah,” Woojin nodded, “Gotta attend some seminar thing.” 

Minho nodded as the two waved goodbye and walked out the door. “Take care of the kids,” Woojin called before closing the door and leaving him to the strenuous chore of waking the others up. He was dreading it; Hyunjin was particularly hard to wake up.

It was still too early to wake them up, though. Their check-out time was not until eleven a.m., and it was only a little past eight in the morning. Seeing as he didn’t have anything better to do, he debated if he should just watch T.V. or try to go back to sleep, except he would just end up staring at the ceiling while gently stroking Jisung’s hair, just like yesterday, or maybe he should just go for a stroll—

“Hey,” a voice startled Minho, making him jump and curse loudly in surprise. “You’re so loud.”

“You scared me,” he told Changbin, who was now sitting on one of the couches and switching on the TV.

“I get that a lot,” was what the younger replied. It was no invitation to join Changbin, but Minho figured he had nothing better to do, anyway, so he sat down beside him on the couch and watched as the screen changed every second.

“So,” Changbin started as he absentmindedly flipped through the channels, not really finding anything interesting to watch at this hour. “You and Jisung…”

Not even five minutes have passed and Minho was again taken by surprise. He was not expecting that. “Uh,” he muttered. “Yeah, what about us?”

“Nothing, really, I just felt like saying something so it wouldn’t be too awkward.”

Minho snorted in response, although he did think it was needed, since he and Changbin were still a bit awkward around each other. They’d hung out once, with Chan, and a few times with all of the others, but they hadn’t really had the chance to talk much on their own.

Changbin surely felt the same, too, because after a few minutes of silently staring at the TV screen without really registering what they were watching, he spoke again. “I'm gonna go for a walk,” he announced, finally switching off the TV. “Wanna come with?”

“Sure,” Minho found himself automatically replying and getting up the couch to follow Changbin who was already at the door.

As the two made their way down the building, Changbin started asking Minho questions. At first, the questions were a bit generic, like something one might find on social media sites (not that Minho used any of those sites frequently). Minho of course gave the same generic answers, as well, and in turn asked the younger the same generic questions.  _ Small talk is tiring _ , he thought to himself. But then Changbin started asking questions about Felix, specifically about their friendship, which initially Minho felt awkward answering, but the more he talked, the more he just couldn’t help but smile as he thought back to how his friendship with Felix started.

Minho remembered seeing him first during a PE class, and thinking that Felix was a bit too extroverted, loud, and rather childish at times. All that changed, though, when he’d had to work with Felix (and Hyunjin), and he had realized that Felix was only like that around people he was really comfortable with (See: Hwang Hyunjin). The three of them had spent a fair amount of time with each other, and yes, Felix was loud and cheerful most of the time, which Minho thought was just because Hyunjin was there. One day, the two of them had to practice without Hyunjin, but Felix was still his loud and cheerful self, and that was when Minho had admitted to himself that they had both grown close with other.

Minho did think it wasn’t going to last, that as soon as their semester together was over, they would go back to being strangers. He was proven wrong when, during the semester after, Felix and Hyunjin had still contacted him and asked him to hang out, and initially he had declined the invitations, but the two were rather persistent (and Minho didn’t really understand why), until one day he’d agreed to go to the dance studio near Hyunjin’s place, and the rest was history.

And Changbin, Minho found, was really easy to talk to. Although the younger asked questions more than Minho would have wanted, it seemed to him like Changbin was just genuinely interested in what he had to say. It also helped that Changbin was pretty talkative himself, too. Soon enough, Minho felt himself lowering down his guard around the younger more and more as the minutes passed by. He guessed the younger did the same, too, as he talked about Chan, Jisung, and Woojin, and how the four them had come about and become inseparable.

Minho couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous as Changbin recounted some of his childhood memories with Chan and Jisung, but mostly Minho felt wistful, longing for a kind of childhood he could never have anymore. Changbin probably noticed the slight change in Minho’s expression, because he then started talking about how he would be willing to take Minho to the places he was talking about, and how they should both ask their boyfriends to come with them.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Minho had mumbled under his breath, not meaning for the other to hear.

Changbin heard him, though, and he had just waved his hand dismissively, saying, “It’s gonna happen soon, anyway.” And Minho swore he felt the tips of his ears turn red.

 

It was a good twenty minute walk to get to the beach (seriously, why was their building so far?) and once they got there, Minho removed his slippers and stepped on the sand. It felt cool against his bare feet as he and Changbin walked along the shore, their pants rolled up to their knees as they occasionally let the small waves reach their feet. When they were both a bit tired of walking and talking for what seemed to Minho like at least another half an hour, the two of them found a spot to sit down on with a good view of the horizon. The two of them watched as the sea glinted with the same color as the clear, bright sky, the waves crashing gently on the shore, sometimes reaching them and getting their clothes wet with the cold water joined by the cool breeze the morning brought. It felt quiet and peaceful.

Well, until Changbin started talking again.

“Shut up for a minute,” Minho said (he said it in a  _ gentle _ tone, he insisted), earning him an eye roll from the younger. He noticed the eye roll came with a smile, too, though.

The two both found themselves lying down on the sand and staring up at the now light blue sky blanketed with soft looking clouds. It had really been a long time since Minho had last felt this serene. He mentally thanked Hyunjin for picking such a nice place for their weekend getaway , even though everything was done for Seungmin, really.

After a while, Minho received a message from Jeongin, asking where they were and complaining about how he couldn’t wake Hyunjin up. With a laugh, he got up and nudged the boy lying beside him. “Wake up or I’m leaving you here,” he said before he started walking back to where the buildings were, not really waiting for Changbin to wake up, although he did hear his footsteps shuffling somewhere from behind him.

 

It took a good few minutes before they were able to wake Hyunjin up, and by the time the male was finally outside his room, Minho and the rest had already showered, packed their belongings, and were ready to head out. Fortunately, they still had at least an hour before they had to check out and that should be more than enough time for Hyunjin to get ready.

While waiting, Minho and Jisung were cuddled up on the couch, watching some random movie they found while flipping through channels. Beside them, Felix was typing furiously on his laptop, probably trying to catch some deadline for some paper in some class. From where they were, Minho could also hear noise coming from the dining area: probably Seungmin, Jeongin, and Changbin playing some card game they had brought with them. Minho let out a sigh contently, a small smile settling on his lips.

“What are you thinking?” Jisung looked up at him, smiling. It was as if he could hear Minho’s thoughts. It was still scary, how open and bare he seemed to the younger.

“This is nice,” Minho answered, wrapping his arms a little tighter around Jisung’s shoulders.

“It is, isn’t it?” Jisung mumbled against his chest, and Minho felt the butterflies in his stomach awaken again, just when he thought he was past these stupid butterflies.

What Minho didn’t say, though, was that he was also thinking about what Changbin had told him earlier.

_ “It’s gonna happen soon, anyway.” _

Was it, really? What were they, anyway? Were they dating? Surely, they were dating, right? But were they boyfriends? If they were, he should have at least known  _ when _ they had become boyfriends, right?

_ “He’s not my boyfriend,” _ he had said earlier.  _ “Yet,” _ he had actually added.

“Oh, shit!” Felix exclaimed. “I forgot to attach the PDF!”

“You should just pretend you didn’t notice,” suggested Jisung.

“Or send a corrupted file,” Minho added. “That worked a few times for me.”

“Shut up,” was what Felix mumbled back to them. “That never worked for me. Not even once!” And then the three of them ended up laughing. Felix also ended up sending his paper’s PDF file, so they were all good and happy.

Not long after, Hyunjin had also shown up in the living room with his hair still wet from the shower and his shirt half unbuttoned, exclaiming, “Let’s go!”

“Might wanna dress yourself up first,” Minho said before letting himself be pulled up by Jisung, who had already told him he was hungry at least five times in the past thirty minutes. He picked up his bag and made his way towards the door where Jisung was already waiting. As Minho made his way back to the lobby with his friends, he couldn’t help but think of how nice it would be, if the sight of Jisung waiting for him by their apartment door were a constant in his life.

 

After checking out, or rather, waiting for Hyunjin as he signed some stuff, they all proceeded to the restaurant located at the topmost floor of the first building. And although Minho was scared of heights, and he wasn’t even sure why he dared to look out the window, he did enjoy lunch.

(One thing Minho couldn’t help but notice, though, was that they ordered significantly less food when Chan wasn’t around.)

“What should we do next?” Hyunjin asked once they were done eating. Minho honestly did not expect they were still going to do something else, what with the stuff they’d already done at the beach resort, but if his friends wanted to do anything else, he was more than down for it. But then Jeongin said he needed to go home, because his family was moving back to their house in Busan, and then Felix said he was too tired to go anywhere anymore, and Seungmin said he also wanted to go home (by home, he meant Hyunjin’s house) and study since he had an exam scheduled this week.

Unsurprisingly, they all just ended up going home, with Hyunjin and Seungmin volunteering to take Felix and Jeongin, leaving Changbin and Jisung with Minho, much to his convenience. When all of them had said their goodbyes—as if they wouldn’t be seeing each other at all this week—they parted ways, promising each other they would hang out more often, which Minho realized he was actually looking forward to, but of course he wouldn’t tell anyone that.

 

It was already late in the afternoon when the three finally arrived at Chan’s house, what with the many stop overs they’d made, mostly at gasoline stations.

“I gotta pee,” Changbin had said at least more than thrice during their drive back home, to which Minho had always replied with, “I don’t care,” even though he had found himself pulling up at the next nearest gas stations.

“Hey,” Chan greeted them with a smile before looking back to his laptop screen. Changbin immediately took a seat beside him and peered over his shoulder.

“Hey, hyung,” Jisung greeted him back, while Minho just smiled in return. “What’s up?”

“Boring stuff,” Chan shrugged. Minho guessed it had something to do with work.

“Right,” Jisung nodded. Taking Minho’s hand, he added, “We’re heading out for a while. Bye.”

“Stay safe,” Minho heard Changbin call out as he and Jisung made their way out the front door.

The two ended up walking around the neighborhood without an actual destination in mind. It felt awfully cute to Minho, loitering about while holding hands. It was the sort of situation he had honestly never imagined himself in. He found it funny that, just months ago, he wasn’t even interested in dating—or in  _ anyone _ , for that matter. He remembered the time his friends had tried setting him up with someone he made the mistake of calling ‘objectively handsome.’ It was a disaster; Minho had not shown up on the night of the date, and the guy had confronted him the next day.

_ Maybe it just really takes the right person _ , Minho thought as he looked at the boy he was now holding hands with, a soft smile making its way to his face as he thought about how different things could have turned out if he hadn’t bumped into Jisung that one morning, or if Woojin hadn’t talked some sense into him that one night. Maybe the universe just really had its own way of giving people  _ what _ they needed  _ when _ they needed it. Or maybe Minho should stop thinking about too many sappy thoughts.

After minutes of walking the same streets over and over, the two had, yet again, ended up at the old playground, sitting on one of the benches and watching the children play. Minho had never been fond of kids, really, but seeing them come up to him and Jisung (or just Jisung, to be honest) and greeting them made him smile, even though the kids only knew Jisung and they looked at Minho rather questioningly.

“He’s my friend,” Jisung told them with a smile, referring to Minho. And if Minho felt a tinge of disappointment at being referred to as only a friend, he was careful not to let it show.

 

About an hour had passed when they both decided to go back to the house. Most of the children had already been called back to their own homes, and it was already starting to get dark. On their way back, they’d spotted two cats running after each other. Minho, the idiot, spoke without thinking.

“I want cats when we move in.”

Minho wondered why Jisung had suddenly gone quiet for too long.

Until he realized what he had just said.

_ Shit _ .

Why did he say that? What was he thinking? Where did the thought of them moving in together even come from?

He heard Jisung clear his throat.

What if he had finally scared the boy away?

“Maybe,” Jisung said slowly, “we could start with  _ one _ cat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for still reading! aaahh this took too long, im sorry!  
> also, you should all read [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16601987/comments/193587188) by [bitsori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsori/pseuds/bitsori) its really cute and fluffy and great and all their fics are great tbh
> 
> anw, again, thank you so much for reading!!!  
> [curiouscat](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but honestly what even is this chapter lol i feel like a lot of [unnecessary] things happen here but i hope you like it at least

Jisung was at home one Friday evening, sitting on the couch with Changbin and Woojin on either side of him and Chan on the floor, watching a movie, with cans of beer in their hands and bags of chips on the coffee table, for what felt to him like the first time in years. It had only really been a month, but Jisung was dramatic like that. He just really missed hanging out with his best friends, and although none of them were as vocal as Jisung was, he was sure they all felt the same.

“I feel like I’m forgetting something,” said Woojin as he stretched out his limbs to keep them from going numb. “Like, I’m supposed to be doing some work but I forgot.”

“Same here,” answered Jisung, although truthfully he hadn’t forgotten that paper he was supposed to write, but whatever, it wasn’t due until the end of the semester, anyway. He also had that online quiz thing he had to answer by tomorrow evening, but he wouldn’t tell them that, either.

“You guys shouldn’t procrastinate too much, you know?” Chan pointed out. “Especially you, Jisung.”

“Why am I being singled out?” Jisung placed his hands on his chest, as if he didn’t know  _ why _ he was being singled out. If he were to count the nights he’d asked Chan for help with something he was cramming in just this semester alone, his fingers wouldn’t even be enough.

“‘Cause you’re single,” Changbin put his arm around Jisung’s shoulders. “Get it?”

Jisung had never wanted to elbow his friend in the face as much as he did now.

“Oh, but Jisung’s  _ not _ single,” Chan added, and Jisung wondered when his friends would give him a break. All he wanted was to watch a movie and spend time with his best friends without being teased about Minho for once. And Minho just had to pick the best time to call because, yes, right now Jisung’s phone was ringing because Minho was calling. Before Jisung could answer, though, Woojin snatched the phone from his hand.

“Hey, Minho!” Woojin answered the phone. Jisung tried to get his phone back, but Woojin was already standing up. “We’re watching a movie. Call him later.” Just like that, Woojin ended the call before shoving the phone in his pocket.

“Hey!” Jisung shouted. “You can’t do that.”

“I can, actually,” answered the older matter-of-factly. “He’s not gonna get mad, don’t worry.”

With a sigh, Jisung sank back down next to Changbin on the couch. There was nothing he could do against Woojin, after all; besides, Woojin and Minho had grown really close over the past few weeks.

Jisung wasn’t really worried if Minho was going to get mad; he was sure he won’t. He was worried if Minho called for something, if there was something he needed, or something he wanted to say, or he just needed someone to talk to. He knew Minho still felt sad sometimes, especially at night when he was alone at home and—.

“Hey,” Woojin, as if sensing his worries, gave his arm a light nudge. “Nothing’s wrong, okay? He’s with Felix.”

“Thanks,” Jisung breathed out. He knew he probably shouldn’t worry about Minho this much, but he couldn’t help it. During the short time they’d spent together, Jisung had grown awfully attached to the older ( “too attached,” Changbin had even told him once), which wouldn’t have happened if Minho hadn’t suddenly become clingy. But, in all honesty, there was nothing that Jisung regretted. He hoped Minho felt the same.

“This movie’s boring,” Changbin said after a few minutes of silence.

“Yeah,” agreed Jisung. “Let’s watch a different one.” 

“It’s actually pretty interesting,” Chan said with a pout. He was the only one still actually paying attention to the movie even though Changbin was the one who’d suggested it. Chan, however, did hand the remote over to Jisung to let him decide on what to watch, and Jisung would’ve done so if Woojin hadn’t taken the remote instead.

“Nah. We’re watching this,” the eldest said, even though Jisung was sure Woojin stopped paying attention to the film half an hour ago. For a moment, Jisung was confused, then he realized Woojin was paying more attention to what Chan wanted and needed, because that was what Woojin always did—not just for Chan but for all of them. Woojin always made sure to pay attention and listen to everyone’s concerns. He told Jisung once that it was because he was the oldest among the four of them, but over time Jisung realized that was just how Woojin was as a person, someone who put others first before himself.

Admittedly, Jisung had found Woojin scary at first, but as he got to know him, he found that Woojin was actually a warm, considerate person. Although at first, Woojin was too serious (or Jisung was just too playful), but that had also changed as they got to spend more and more time together. Now, Woojin was someone he always went to for advice and more often just for unloading emotional baggage, and never once did Woojin complain, no matter how petty Jisung’s issues might get. It wasn’t a completely one-way thing, though, as sometimes Woojin also confided in both him and Changbin, usually about how worried he was about Chan.

Jisung liked to say he absolutely hated that he found it cute and endearing, how much his friends cared for each other. The truth was, he was really thankful that his friends were the way they were, and that he would do anything and everything he could to keep them happy—including sitting through a two-hour foreign film Chan probably got from when he took some elective class sometime during college, which only  _ he _ seemed to enjoy watching. It was okay, though, because among the four of them, Chan was also the one who had the least time for leisure. Besides, Jisung enjoyed his friends’ company too much that listening to an angry-sounding language for two hours while struggling to read the subtitles didn’t matter. Not that much, anyway.

 

Jisung woke up late the next morning to an empty house and a few messages, mostly from Minho just telling him to wake up, and one each from Chan and Changbin telling him where they were. This had been quite the routine these past few weeks: Chan and Woojin leaving for school pretty early in the morning, and Changbin leaving for wherever it was he needed to meet his group mates for some project. Understandable, Jisung thought, because it had been mid-semester and everyone was busy, even Jisung himself had been busy during that time, especially with all the work he had procrastinated then crammed hours before the deadline. But mid-semester was over, and as far as Jisung knew, they were supposed to at least have a week (or maybe a few days) of break from the heavy influx of school-work and exams, so he didn’t understand why his friends were still so busy that they had to still leave early.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

The voice startled Jisung so much, he almost bumped his head on the ceiling. (It had happened quite a few times before, which was why he’d once asked Changbin if he could have the bottom bunk, but Changbin refused.)

“Morning,” Minho said from the doorway.

“What are you doing here?” Jisung asked. Suddenly he was embarrassed of his Doraemon plushies, and too aware of the thin fabric of his pajamas.

“Your cheeks are red,” the older pointed out with a laugh.

One Doraemon plushie was sent flying towards Minho, causing him to laugh harder.

“It’s 11:30, Jisung, get your ass out of bed. I brought food.” And then Minho left, but not without throwing the plushie back at Jisung (it hit his face, but Minho didn’t see it, so he wouldn’t tell him).

Jisung was still confused and a little groggy from sleep, but he climbed down his bed, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and changed his clothes before going to the living room where he found Minho sitting on the floor by the coffee table, watching TV.

“What are you doing here?” Jisung asked again, sitting on the floor beside Minho.

“Here,” Minho, not even bothering to answer the question, handed him takeout pancakes and a cup of what had been hot chocolate. “Heat them up yourself if you want to.”

With a wave of his hand, Jisung told Minho it was okay, and thanked the older as he happily took the food. The two of them ate—or rather, Jisung ate and Minho drank his coffee—while talking about what they did yesterday and what they wanted to do today. It was the first time in three weeks that they both actually had free time and not just the hour-long breaks in between classes, which they also mostly spent doing school work or studying. Minho, though, kept on saying Jisung wasted half the day because he slept too much.

“I really don’t wanna do anything today, though,” Jisung said after he finished eating. He still felt tired and sleepy even though he just woke up and probably slept more than ten hours. He guessed it was just one of those days.

“Let’s just stay here, then,” said Minho. He took Jisung’s hand and pulled him up so they could move to the couch, where they both eventually fell asleep cuddling. This was the most comfortable the couch had been, Jisung had thought before falling asleep.

Jisung woke up for the second time that day a few hours later, now to Minho reading a book and gently running his fingers through Jisung’s hair.

“You’re awake,” Minho said. “Again.”

“Sorry,” Jisung replied, voice low and a little raspy from just waking up. “I feel tired.”

“It’s okay. The past weeks have been tiring.”

“Yeah,” Jisung agreed. He thought about how Minho was probably more tired; he was in his last year, and Jisung could only guess how much work Minho actually had to do. Sometimes he wondered how the older still had time to see him aside from when they were in their English literature class, but he didn’t really want to bring that up. “I’m hungry,” he said instead. He wasn’t, really, but he knew Minho hadn’t had anything aside from coffee, so he had to make him eat.

“Should we cook food?” asked Minho. “Are they coming back for dinner?”

“I’m not sure,” answered Jisung. He reached out for his phone to check if his friends told him anything. “Do you even know how to cook?”

“I don’t.”

They ended up inviting Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Felix for dinner, but not until later that night, so they decided to meet at Minho’s house so they could either drive to the nearest fast food or just have some food delivered. That was also why Jisung was now lying down on Minho’s bed, wearing Minho’s clothes, which were a size too big for him. He wasn’t sure if it was weird, but he actually liked wearing Minho’s clothes, and sleeping on his bed, and riding his car, and seeing Minho when he woke up—generally, Jisung liked being with Minho. He hadn’t told anyone, but lately he’d been thinking about it more and more, especially because of that one time Minho mentioned moving in together.

“So what do you wanna do?” Minho asked. He’d  just come out of the shower, and Jisung knew it was rude to stare but he couldn’t help it. Minho looked good wearing joggers and a plain white shirt while drying his hair with a towel.

With a sigh, Jisung successfully tore his eyes away from the older. He also thought more about the possibility of moving in with him, but he tried hard to divert his thoughts to more important stuff like his studies and the paper he had yet to write and the online exam quiz he needed to submit tonight.

“Shit!” he rose up quickly from where he was lying down comfortably on the bed. “Can I borrow your laptop?”

“Sure,” answered Minho, who was left standing by the bathroom door, staring at Jisung’s distressed face. “It’s on my desk.”

“Thanks.” Jisung quickly made his way to the desk and opened his email, where his prof sent the link. He knew the quiz wasn’t hard, but he forgot the deadline was tonight, and he had already missed too many quizzes so he didn’t want to miss this one.

“You should really stop procrastinating too much, you know?” Minho, who was suddenly behind him, looking at the screen, said. “ _ B _ .”

“What?” Jisung turned around, only to turn back to the screen because Minho’s face was too close. He felt heat rising up his face.

“The answer, it’s  _ B _ .”

“Oh. Thanks.”

And then Minho kissed his neck and left, leaving Jisung surprised, with a reddening face, while staring at his online quiz.

Except Jisung couldn’t concentrate anymore; not when he looked back at Minho and Minho was trying to hide his smile behind the book he was reading, and Jisung had to roll his eyes at how ridiculous he was.

“Fuck this,” he whispered as he closed the tab and stood up to follow Minho on the bed, wrapping his arms around him as soon as he reached him.

“Go away!” Minho laughed, trying to shove him away. “You have homework.”

“That’s unfair!” Jisung whined. “You can’t do that while I’m working!”

“What? I even gave you the answer.”

“That’s not fair!” the younger insisted. “You--hey, stop!”

Minho started tickling his sides, making him squirm and struggle to get away from the older while laughing. Except he couldn’t move because Minho wrapped his legs around his torso and his stomach hurt from laughing and he had to almost beg the older to let him go.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” Minho promised. He was panting, but he was still smiling so wide it made Jisung’s heart want to burst. “Jisung,” Minho whispered. Somehow, while they were play fighting and tickling each other, Minho had managed to get on top of him and pin him down. Now his hands were on each side of Jisung’s face, his thumbs caressing his cheeks. “I really, really, really like you.”

“Thanks,” said Jisung, still laughing even though Minho sounded serious. He was nervous; he wasn’t sure why. “I like me, too.”

“Whatever,” Minho rolled his eyes at him. “I like you, Han Jisung.” The older’s face was dangerously close, Jisung swore he could feel his breath against his skin. He felt his face grow insanely warm, and he bet his face was insanely red, too. “I like you,” repeated Minho. “I really like you. I like you a lot. You know that, right?”

“I-I—yes,” Jisung managed to stutter out before the small gap between them was gone and they were kissing. This time, though, Minho had been the one to initiate; he kissed Jisung softly, almost hesitantly, at first, as if asking for permission. And then Jisung was kissing back, his quiz deadline forgotten, and he was wrapping his arms around Minho’s waist and pulling him closer.

Thoughts about how much he wanted this to be a constant in his life flooded Jisung’s mind as they became a mess of lips and tongues and hands trailing over each other’s skin. He knew neither of them were that stable, but when he heard Minho whisper, “I want you,” in his ear, while letting him slide his hands under his shirt, leaving hot trails where skin met skin, Jisung felt like he was really going to fall apart.

And maybe he was willing to let himself fall apart in front of Lee Minho.

Maybe he wanted to fall apart

Maybe he wanted to take it further.

Maybe he wanted Minho, too.

No, not maybe. He did want Minho, too.

He wanted Minho, and all his flaws, his mess, his pent up emotions, his haunting memories, his sad eyes, his tears, his—

“Hyung! You’ll never guess—” The door to Minho’s bedroom swung open, revealing Hyunjin, with Seungmin and Felix trailing behind him. “Oh. Wow.”

“Shit,” Jisung immediately tore his hands away from under Minho’s shirt and propped himself up on the bed. He felt his face turn an embarrassing shade of red as he looked towards the three boys who had just walked in on them. All of them were wide eyed except for Hyunjin, but immediately tried to regain their composure.

“Fucking shit,” Minho hissed as he abruptly pulled away from Jisung. He was still somehow in between Jisung’s legs when he turned to Hyunjin with dagger eyes. “Don’t you know how to knock?”

“Maybe you should try closing the door ?” Hyunjin shot back. Jisung watched the slightly older boy walk nonchalantly past the door and towards them, seemingly unfazed by their figures entangled in each other’s limbs.

“The fuck do you want?” Minho asked Hyunjin, who was now sitting on the floor about a meter or two away from the bed. He seemed to have forgotten they were supposed to have dinner together.

“Oh, there are a lot of things that I want, hyung,” answered Hyunjin. Jisung moved his gaze towards the boy now sitting on the floor, looking up at them with stupidly innocent eyes and an equally stupidly innocent smile. “For instance, I want the both of you to untangle yourselves first.”

At that, Jisung felt his face turn even redder, if that was even possible. He immediately drew his legs back and swung them over the edge of Minho’s bed. Without looking at the others, he cleared his throat before saying in a small voice, “I’m gonna go out for a while.”

“Jisung,” Minho grabbed his hand. “Hey, don’t go.”

“I’m just…” he didn’t really have anything to do, but he felt like he needed to get out of the room to gather his thoughts. “I gotta go get some air,” he said, taking his band back from Minho’s grip and turning around without looking back. Just as he was almost past the bedroom door, he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder.

“Actually, I’m gonna come with you,” Felix said, offering Jisung a bright smile. “Let’s go.” Without even waiting for his answer, Felix laced their arms together and led him out of the room. “So,” Felix said again as they were walking down the flight of stairs leading to the first floor. “Where are we going?”

“I…” Jisung paused for a while. He didn’t really know his way around Minho's house; he didn’t really want to go anywhere in particular, either. He just wanted to find some secluded place where he could get some fresh air into his lungs. “I actually don’t know.”

“Oh,” said Felix thoughtfully. Jisung originally wanted to be alone, but now he was glad that Felix had gone with him. The other boy’s presence was enough to make Jisung feel a little better. “Well, did you wanna do anything in particular? Were you hungry? Did you want to get some water or something?”

“Not really. I just wanted to breathe.”

“Oh! We could go to the garden. It’s pretty. I like it there, too. Although I’m not sure about the lighting right now...”

“To the garden it is, then. Please lead the way, though, I don’t know anything here.”

Jisung finally smiled for real this time as he heard Felix laugh lightly, and he let himself be led outside the house and into the garden.

The garden really was pretty, Jisung thought. Even though it was night time, there were plenty of lights scattered around--or more like carefully placed where they were needed than actually scattered. There were plenty of plants and flowers Jisung didn’t even know the names to. He let his eyes roam around the place as the cold wind ruffled his hair. He didn’t really like too colorful things, but the sight in front of him was glorious—there were different shades of green and red and pink and yellow and blue and white and Jisung was just in awe. He wondered how pretty it would look if it weren’t this dark. And truthfully, it never really crossed his mind that there might be a place as lively as this somewhere just outside of Minho’s dull, lifeless room.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Felix whispered. “I really like it here. I’ve never been here at this time, though.” He led Jisung towards a bench under some tree Jisung didn’t know what to call.

“It is,” answered Jisung as they both sat down to admire their surroundings. “Thanks, Felix.”

“No biggie. So, are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

Why was Jisung not even surprised at how well Lee Felix had gotten at reading him? Whenever he was with Felix, he literally felt like an open book, sometimes it was scary.  He sighed. Maybe the platonic soulmate thing was actually real.

“Wait,” Felix suddenly said, his voice low, dripping with worry and urgency. “Did Minho-hyung…”

Jisung stared at him in confusion. “Did he what ?”

“Did he force you into doing that? I’m gonna fucking kick his ass, Jisung, tell me—”

“Oh, god, no,” Jisung laughed. “No, Felix, it’s not like that. Don’t worry.”

“Oh. That’s good. I wouldn’t forgive him if he did that. But what’s the matter? Is it us? I’m sorry we walked in on you. I told them not to barge in. I’m gonna kick Hyunjin’s ass for you, I don’t care if he’s taller.”

“You hang out with Changbin-hyung too much,” Jisung almost laughed, noting the uncharacteristically violent-ish words that didn’t really fit the other boy’s personality. A light blush found its way to Felix’s cheeks at the mention of Changbin’s name. Jisung found it cute and endearing. He laughed lightly. “Sorry,” he said. The other boy just waved it away.

“But really, Jisung, what’s wrong?” Felix tried asking again. “I feel like we haven’t talked in ages.”

“That’s because we haven’t,” Jisung pointed out. “And nothing’s wrong, really. It’s just embarrassing.”

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed!” Felix laughed. “I’d be happy to walk in on Minho making out with literally anyone.”

Jisung just stared at his friend in response. That was… an unconventional thing to say, even for Felix. And Felix probably realized it, too, because he quickly added, “Of course I’m happier he was making out with you.” But Jisung still just stared and shook his head slowly. “Point is,” Felix continued. “Hyung’s never dated anyone for as long as I’ve known him. He never even looked at anyone who’s shown interest. And believe me, the amount of sweets Jeongin and I have eaten because of Minho’s suitors’ gifts is insane.”

Oh. Of course. Why hadn’t Jisung thought about it before? Of course, Minho had a lot of suitors and admirers. The guy could definitely have anyone he wanted, if he even actually wanted anyone.

“For a long while we thought Minho was, like, asexual, you know?” Felix laughed. “Or was it aromantic—I’m sorry, I’m really not sure. Anyway, it’s either that, or he’s just a snob.”

“Oh,” said Jisung softly. He was mildly surprised. He had to admit he never imagined Felix and his friends talking about that kind of stuff. Still, Jisung thought it was good to know they were really open about it.

“We even tried setting him up once,” Felix continued, “he got mad and he wouldn’t talk to us for days—it was hilarious, though, Hyunjin did everything to get him to talk to us again. And to be fair, Minho did say he found the guy ‘ objectively attractive ’ when we showed him a photo. I guess objectively attractive wasn’t attractive enough.”

“How’d you know he was into guys, though?”

“He told us.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’ve only known hyung for over a year, but really, it’s not hard to notice he really likes you, you know? His eyes sparkle when he looks at you. Cheesy shit.” Jisung snorted “It’s true,” Felix insisted, laughing. “You should see the way he stares at you. It used to be a sad kind of look, though. But now… he looks happy.”

When Jisung didn’t say anything for a few seconds, Felix reached out for his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Thanks for making him happy,” he told Jisung. “And don’t worry about us walking in on you. You should’ve seen Jeongin’s face when he walked in on me and Changbin-hyung once.”

Jisung smiled at the boy beside him. He swore that if Changbin ever broke this boy’s heart, he would have to drill some sense into his best friend’s head, no matter the cost. Speaking of Changbin… “So,” Jisung started, “how are things with you and Changbin-hyung?”

“Oh,” Felix eyes lit up at the mention of his boyfriend’s name. “Things are great. Like, really, really great. I’ve literally never been happier.” He told Jisung how happy he really was, even when they both barely had time for each other the past few weeks. He told him how nice it was that they both he and Changbin were secure, and neither had to worry about checking on each other every waking hour.

Over the last few months, Jisung and Felix had become really close friends without even trying. Felix usually confided in Jisung whenever he had concerns about Changbin, or whenever they had misunderstandings. Jisung was honestly amazed at how he was able to see his friends’ relationship progress.

“I’m glad you’re happy,” Jisung told Felix after listening to his stories. “Don’t tell Changbin I told you this, but he was a wreck when he couldn’t see you these past weeks.”

“I mean… I’m not sure if I should believe you. He seemed fine whenever we talked. But yeah, don’t worry. I won’t tell Changbin.”

“Oh, believe me, Felix. I’m telling you, I’ve known him all my life. He’s a whiny baby. It’s cute. But kind of disgusting, too. But cute.”

“Yeah, I get that whiny part.”

“It’s annoying,” Jisung rolled his eyes.

“It’s cute,” Felix said. “He’s cute. He makes me happy.”

“Yeah, and you make him happy, too. Whatever.”

“Yeah,” Felix laughed lightly. “I guess.”

“Isn’t that what matters, though?” Jisung asked after a while. Surely happiness was what really mattered, right?

“I think so,” Felix shrugged. “As long as it goes both ways, at least. You can’t be the only one happy in a relationship and then your partner’s all sad or something.”

“Changbin-hyung seems happy. Don’t worry.”

“I’m honestly not worried, Jisung.”

“He told me you were supposed to go to Australia over the break, but you cancelled. Why?”

“Cliche shit, but sometimes you really gotta sacrifice for the people you love, you know?”

“ Love ?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“The people you love?” Jisung nodded slowly, a smile playing on his lips. “I see.”

“Oh,” Felix said, seeming to realize the reason for Jisung’s teasing tone. “Oh, shit, no. Don’t tell him that.”

“Sure.”

“Please.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Of course Jisung wouldn’t be teasing his best friend all day about this.

“No, Jisung, please. We haven’t said that yet.”

“Oh? Wait, you haven’t said that yet?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

“Oh. Okay. Sorry.”

“It’s just,“ Felix sighed. “I don’t wanna scare him, you know? We’ve only been seeing each other for, like, five months; exclusively dating for about four; officially together for one. It might be too early.”

“Well, not gonna lie, Felix, it kinda is too early.”

“I know. I feel a bit stupid sometimes. But, you know what they say: when it’s love, you just know .”

“That’s too cheesy--even for me.”

“I know,” Felix laughed. “I scare myself sometimes.”

“Well,” Jisung offered his friend a smile. “If that’s how you feel, then that’s how you feel, right? I trust in your timing skills, my friend. Tell Changbin-hyung whenever you think you’re both ready.”

“You sound like a mom giving me advice I don’t need.”

“Shut up.”

“Yes,  _ mom _ .”

 

When Jisung and Felix got back to Minho’s room, they found Hyunjin and Seungmin playing cards on the floor and Minho sitting on top of his bed, back to reading his book. Jisung automatically went to Minho’s side and cuddled.

“Hate to break y’all being cute,” Felix said, “but my boyfriend isn’t here so let’s go get dinner.” He helped Seungmin up from the floor and pulled him towards the door.

Jisung also stood up from where he was sitting on the bed, but before he could walk Minho grabbed his hand.

“Don’t go yet,” he told Jisung.

“Look at me being a great friend and closing the door for the both of you,” Hyunjin announced as he, Seungmin, and Felix walked out the door. “Make it quick!” Seungmin called out as the door closed shut with a thud.

“Come here,” Minho said again, pulling Jisung onto his lap and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Hyung, what—”

“Why did you run away?” asked Minho as he laid his head sideways on Jisung’s back. “Did I make you run away?”

“I didn’t run away, hyung, what are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Literally what the fuck are you talking about?”

“For earlier. I got carried away. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry?” Jisung felt the older shrug his shoulders behind him. He didn’t understand; why was Minho saying sorry? “Why are you saying sorry?” he asked again, his voice low and barely audible. “Do you regret it?”

Jisung felt Minho’s grip tighten around his waist and remove his head from where it was resting on his back. “Of course not, Jisung!” he said, a hint of hurt apparent in his voice. “Why would I?”

“Then don’t say sorry,” the younger replied, firmly, relieved to feel the older relax against his back again.

“Do you, Jisung?” Minho whispered. “Do you regret it?”

“No.” Jisung placed his palms on top of the olders’ hands.

What was there to regret, anyway? Jisung had let it happen; he had let Minho kiss him, and he’d let the kiss turn into something a bit further than just kissing. It wasn’t even anything too intimate; Jisung had definitely had more physically intimate encounters before. They were even fully clothed, as well, and it wasn’t dark, and hell, the door was even ajar, but… why had kissing Minho earlier felt more bare, more exposed and unfiltered, to Jisung?

“I don’t regret anything, hyung. I don’t regret you,” Jisung said. He wasn’t just talking about kissing now.

“I wish I had you sooner,” Minho whispered.

“You have me now,” Jisung whispered back.

“Please don’t run away, Jisung. Please don’t disappear.”

“I won’t.”

“I…” Minho trailed off. His hands were now gripping Jisung’s shirt tightly. “I think I love you.”

Jisung drew in an audibly sharp breath, his eyes widening in surprise, his fingernails digging into the backs of Minho’s hands.

Silence.

The two of them stayed in the same position for what seemed to Jisung like hours. The weight of Minho’s words hung heavily in the air as Jisung stared out the window, at the leaves rustling in the soft wind. Minho shouldn’t be throwing words carelessly like that, right? He shouldn’t just be blurting out that he thought he loved Jisung just because he didn’t want Jisung to ‘run away.’ It was unfair.

“I—” Jisung started but stopped himself immediately. What should he say? Sure, yes, he liked Minho, he liked Minho a lot, and he did admit that he wanted the other male, too. But…  _ love _ was a big word, wasn’t it? At least, the kind of love he assumed Minho had meant—surely it wasn’t just the brotherly and familial kind of love he felt for his friends, right? Besides, they had literally just started talking about a month ago. Minho hadn’t even batted an eyelash in Jisung’s direction until a few months ago, and it had taken a few more months after that one encounter for them to actually interact. They weren’t even anything official yet.

Wasn’t Minho being too hasty? Was he even sure? And, Jisung felt sorry for thinking it but, did Minho even mean it?

“Hyung, I—I’m not—.”

“It’s okay,” Minho cut him off before he could say anything he would regret. “You don’t have to say it back.”

Minho laughed softly, finally loosening his grip on Jisung’s waist. Jisung removed his hands from on top of Minho’s and detached himself from the other, standing up with his back towards him. “I just wanted to let you know,” Minho said from behind Jisung. He walked over to Jisung’s side and slid his hand in his before kissing his cheek. “Let’s go.”

Jisung wrapped his fingers around Minho’s tightly. He accepted the warmth and assurance that Minho’s hand had always brought. He was thankful for Minho’s presence, really; he just didn’t want to tell him he loved him, too, while his mind was hazy and he wasn’t really sure that he felt the same way. And as he let Minho lead him out of the room and through the house to meet the others, Jisung tried to keep himself from wondering if he did feel the same.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG THANKS to everyone whos still reading until now!!! :((( it really means a lot :((( i hope youre still quite enjoying the stuff i put out sigh thanks thanks thanks thanks  
> [curiouscat](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....almost there lol also i didnt even edit this im sorry  
>  **hi! currently editing chapters so im rly sorry if there are some things that are too confusing!

“Oh, look!” Jisung exclaimed, and yet again Minho let himself be dragged by the hand towards a rack of plushies, because strolling at the mall always led to Jisung setting his eyes on stuff he clearly didn’t need and pulling Minho along with him, yet somehow Minho always ended up buying Jisung said  _ stuff he clearly didn’t need _ .

This time, it were Pokemon plushies that got Jisung’s attention. Minho rolled his eyes, pretending to complain about already being tired even though seeing Jisung this excited over pretty mundane things always had his chest feeling tight in a good way and his cheeks aching from trying not to smile (which he always failed).

“Changbin-hyung would like this,” Jisung mumbled, staring at the  _ Munchlax _ plushie he was holding in his hands, which Minho found really cute but tried not to stare at. “It’s just hard to get him shit like this because he might already have one.”

Minho nodded, looking at the assortment of cute, cuddly toys in front of him. For a guy who looked really intimidating at first glance, Changbin  _ did _ have quite the collection of  _ Munchlax _ toys. Not that Minho found it weird or anything, he just wasn’t expecting it-- then again, these past few months, a lot of things didn’t really turn out the way he expected them to.

“Just get him this,” he said, holding up a  _ Rattata _ plushie towards Jisung instead. “He looks more like Changbin, right?” He tried imitating the toy’s expression, causing the younger to laugh out loud, and Minho found that acting all silly was definitely worth it, even when one of the the mothers accompanying their children to buy toys shot the two of them a pointed look. “This one looks like you,” he said again, this time holding up a  _ Pikachu _ plushie beside Jisung’s face, as if comparing. “Look at his cheeks, it’s you when you’re blushing.”

“Shut up,” Jisung rolled his eyes, but took the plushie from Minho’s hand, anyway. “You’re buying this for me,” he said with a pout. “You’re also buying me dinner.”

“I always buy you dinner.” Minho pointed out. They had been spending most of their evenings together during the past week. Sometimes they hung out with their friends; most times it was just the two of them strolling at the mall or at the park, and always, Minho ended up treating Jisung to dinner. He didn’t really mind, though, especially since Jisung ate in such a way that he found cute. Truthfully, though, Minho probably found everything that Jisung did cute. In fact, Jisung was so cute, sometimes Minho’s chest would just constrict and make him say things he knew he would end up regretting. Like that time he told Jisung he thought he loved him. Granted, he didn’t exactly regret saying it, he just regretted saying it at that particular moment, and in that particular way. But Jisung had looked so cute and tiny and sad, and maybe Minho really was weak when it came to Jisung, and maybe he was being a little hasty, but he really did think he loved Jisung. That was the problem, though; Minho wasn’t sure if what he felt really was love, and he would be lying if he said the thought didn’t keep him up at night.

“What time are Chan-hyung and Woojin-hyung coming?” Jisung asked suddenly, startling him out of his reverie. Minho had almost forgotten that they were supposed to meet up with the elder two for dinner as a small celebration for Minho and Chan’s birthdays (which was Jisung’s idea, because he claimed Woojin was spending more time with Minho than him and Changbin nowadays). “Shouldn’t they be here yet?” the younger inquired.

Minho and Jisung were sat waiting inside a rather fancy restaurant where Woojin had made a reservation for the four of them, because Woojin was actually fancy like that, and Minho had just gawked at him when he told him where they were going to have dinner tonight—much like the first time he’d gone to Woojin’s house, which was just surprisingly a few blocks away from Hyunjin’s. Minho had admittedly been spending a little too much time at Woojin’s place the past few weeks, because somehow, somewhere along the line, Woojin had become Minho’s confidant, which meant that he  _ did _ get to spend a lot more time with Woojin than Jisung did.

“Woojin-hyung said they’re on their way,” Minho replied. “Are you hungry?”

“Not really,” the younger answered, slipping his hand in Minho’s and resting his head on his shoulder in a very public display of affection. Minho kissed the top of Jisung’s head in an equally public display of affection. Past-Minho would’ve probably gagged at Present-Minho’s antics, but Present-Minho was definitely a lot happier, so it didn’t really matter to him anymore how he thought Past-Minho would’ve felt—especially now because Jisung was by his side.

“Thanks,” Jisung whispered suddenly. Before Minho could ask why the other was thanking him, Jisung added, “for everything. I’m really gonna miss this when you graduate.”

Minho placed another gentle kiss on the top of the younger’s head. “You do know we can still do this even so, right?” He chuckled lightly at the whine that came as a response.

“It won’t be the same. We won’t be walking around campus and I can’t drag you around the mall anymore.”

“What, do malls ban graduated students now?”

“We aren’t gonna be that cute college couple anymore,” Jisung whined, and Minho could only laugh at how ridiculous, yet awfully cute, Jisung was being—but maybe the laughter was really just a disguise for how happy Minho felt because Jisung said they were a couple. “Don’t laugh at me,” Jisung chided. “I’m serious. I’m gonna miss you.”

“Jisungie, graduation isn’t even soon,” Minho sighed. “And it’s not like we won’t see each other when that happens.”

“I know.”

“Unless you’re replacing me,” Minho joked. It was a real, actual concern, though.

In an instant, Jisung sat up straight to look at Minho. “What? No!” he almost shouted, gaining other people’s attention for a second or so. “More like, you’ll be replacing me,” Jisung added, quieter this time.

Minho was admittedly a little confused at how Jisung was suddenly being nostalgic before dinner; he was also confused as to why he even had to reassure Jisung that he was definitely not replacing him and he was definitely not going anywhere, either, because it seemed pretty obvious to himself and to everyone else (aside from Jisung, apparently).

“You know that’s never gonna happen, right?” Minho sighed, smiling softly as Jisung eased onto his shoulder again. He was sure he never wanted anyone else to hold and play with his hands and rest their head on his shoulder--only Jisung. He hoped Jisung felt the same; he hoped Jisung thought he loved him, too.

After a few more minutes of waiting, and a few more messages from Woojin reassuring them they were almost there, Jisung suddenly stopped playing with Minho’s hands. “Were you serious about moving in?” he asked quietly.

Before Minho could have said anything in response, though, Woojin and Chan were already heading towards them.

_ Yes _ , Minho would have answered.

 

***

 

It was the first Friday in months that Minho got to spend the night with Hyunjin, Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin; just the five of them hanging out at Hyunjin’s place like they used to do a lot back then. The past months had mostly been spent alone, busy with requirements. Sometimes Minho spent his days with Jisung or Woojin; sometimes with his new, larger friend group, which basically meant his own friends  _ and _ Jisung”s friends. Although Minho really liked those days, he had to admit that he did miss spending time with the four younger. In fact, he missed them so much that he was even okay with preparing some snacks for them in the middle of a cold, December night.

“Why do we always lose in rock-paper-scissors?” Seungmin complained as he and Minho made their way to the kitchen in Hyunjin’s house to scour for some ramen in the cupboards and hopefully some leftovers from dinner in the fridge. “It’s always us,” Seungmin added.

“Why? Don’t you want some alone time with me, your best, best friend?” Minho teased, earning him a look of (hopefully, mock) disgust from the younger. In all actuality, though, Minho was still really worried about Seungmin, and he was thankful for at least some time alone with him, even if it meant getting up from the warmth and comfort of Hyunjin’s bed.

“You wanna make Rabokki?” Seungmin asked, staring at the contents of the cupboard while Minho was busy scrolling through an online menu of a nearby restaurant from his food delivery app. “Or Jjapaguri? Or should we just order jokbal or chicken or something? You like jokbal, right?”

“Yeah, let’s just do that,” Minho agreed. “They can’t complain, either way. Rabokki sounds nice, though.”

The two ended up having food delivered and still making Rabokki for their friends. “Cooking with you is a lot easier than cooking with Jisung,” Minho mentioned absently as they were waiting for the broth to boil.

Seungmin let out a light chuckle. “I can imagine,” he said with a smirk. Seungmin had seemed a lot more cheerful the past month or so, Minho noticed. Still, he wanted to make sure his friend was really alright, specially since the final examinations had just been over.

“How are you?” Minho asked. “Have you gone home?”

“A few times,” Seungmin answered easily. “My parents weren’t there whenever I went, though, but I send them messages at least twice a week. You know, to keep them updated just in case they still care.”

“That’s good.” Minho nodded. “And I’m sure they still do care. They’re probably just busy, or something.”

Seungmin shrugged. “My mom leaves me on read. Where’s all this optimism coming from, anyway?”

Minho wasn’t sure, either. All he knew was that, whatever might have changed in the way he saw the world and the things around him, it was a  _ welcome _ change.

“You know, hyungs,” continued Seungmin, “I’ve always thought we’re the same in more ways than we both realize. I guess the difference is, growing up, I had Hyunjinnie. I’d probably be a lot sadder, too, if it weren’t for him--no offense.”

Minho smiled at the comment, a wave of fondness for his friends washing over him. “I guess you’re right,” he replied. He still wasn’t really that big on expressing his feelings, but standing in the kitchen at two in the morning, with a friend who understood him more than he thought, might have stirred something inside of him. That was the only reason he could come up with to justify him saying, “I’m really glad I met you guys.”

“Oh. Wow, that’s really sentimental.” Seungmin smiled at him, and Minho couldn’t help but smile, too, although he tried to hide it by busying himself with adding in the ingredients in the pot with boiling broth. “Hey, I’m glad I met you, too,” the younger added, nudging Minho by the shoulder. “I’m also glad you met Jisung. I think you two are really good for each other.”

Minho couldn’t fight the smile tugging at his lips at the mention of Jisung. He thought this happened everytime someone mentioned the younger, which he claimed was annoying, yet now he wished Jisung were there with them, too. “I don’t think I’ve ever had this kind of conversation with you before,” he told Seungmin instead.

“I know. Is it weird?”

“Not really. Maybe a little, yeah, but it’s more just…  _ new _ .”

“Yeah. We probably won’t talk about this again for years, but thanks for everything, hyung. Really.”

“That’s right. Thank me.”

“I take it back.”

When Minho and Seungmin got back to the bedroom, they were surprised to find Hyunjin and Felix cuddled up on the bed, crying, with a concerned Jeongin carefully patting both of them on the back. They immediately set the food down and rushed towards the group.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Seungmin asked, arms now wrapped protectively around Hyunjin, who sniffed.

“Felix--he started crying,” he answered. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“Jeongin, what happened?” Minho asked.

The youngest shrugged, clearly confused as well. “Felix-hyung started crying and he won’t stop, then Hyunjin-hyung started crying, too.”

“Felix, what’s wrong?” Seungmin asked softly. “Hey, it’s okay, we’re here.”

Felix, finally looking up, met Minho’s eyes, and Minho had the urge to just pick him up and hug him until he stopped sobbing or punch whoever it was that made him cry.

“We broke up,” Felix announced.

 

***

 

“Jisung’s still mad at me,” Minho announced as he sat down on the couch in Chan’s living room, which he’d now already grown familiar with. “And it’s all your fault.”

Changbin sighed. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t think he’d be that affected. If it makes you feel any better, he’s mad at me, too.”

“No, Changbin, that does  _ not _ make me feel any better.”

“Felix and I are okay,” the younger proceeded to explain. “I mean, it wasn’t a bad break up or anything. We’re friends.”

“Of course you  _ are _ ,” Minho agreed matter-of-factly. “Felix is too nice.”

“Hey, I’m nice, too. If I weren’t, then I wouldn’t have broken up with him.”

Apparently, from what Minho had gathered, what happened was Changbin had asked Felix  _ for a break  _ a little over a week ago, and Felix--being the actual angel that he is--had agreed.

“It was a mutual decision,” Felix had assured all of them last night. That night was supposed to be for fun and games and late night snacks, but it turned into a night of them consoling Felix (and Hyunjin, who wouldn’t stop crying because Felix wouldn’t stop crying), and Minho keeping Seungmin from breaking anything inside Hyunjin’s bedroom. “Just one glass,” Seungmin had pleaded, “let me just break one glass then I won’t be angry anymore.” Of course, Minho didn’t let him, even though he himself had wanted to break something to let out anger and frustration, too.

“Changbin’s right, you know?” Woojin, who looked up from his phone for what seemed to Minho like the first time the entire night, suddenly butted in.

Minho heaved a sigh. He really did know, actually; he knew it really was better for Changbin to break up with Felix than to keep him hanging. That was why he couldn’t exactly get mad at Changbin, even though when he had first heard it from Felix he’d really wanted to punch Changbin in the face. That urge had died down now, though, thankfully, or else Minho wouldn’t have been let inside Chan’s house.

“I hate that you’re right,” he told Changbin. “And I hate that Jisung doesn’t want to accept that and he now wouldn’t talk to me because I agree that you’re right.”

“It actually doesn’t sound like it’s Changbin’s fault,” Woojin noted.

“I just want him to talk to me,” said Minho, frustration clear in his voice; then, a lot more gentle, he repeated, “I want him to talk to me.”

“He will,” Changbin said earnestly, placing a hand on Minho’s shoulder and squeezing lightly. “Just give it time. I’m gonna have to apologize to him, too. But now I’m off to bed ‘cause I’m tired.”

“Night,” Woojin called after the younger as he made his way to his bedroom, leaving Woojin and Minho alone. The older turned to Minho. “So…,” he started. “He hasn’t answered you, has he?”

Minho didn’t even have to ask what Woojin was talking about. “He doesn’t have to,” he answered. “I just want him to talk to me.”

“About…?”

“Anything.” Minho meant it. He just wanted to hear Jisung’s voice; he just wanted to hear Jisung’s stories about his classes, about his friends, about what he ate for lunch and why he liked or didn’t like it. “I miss him.”

“Well, that tends to happen when you...” Woojin paused and glanced at Minho. “When you  _ think _ you love someone.”

“I hate you, you know that?” replied Minho, but not without a hint of a smile. “Where’s Chan-hyung, anyway?”

The older shrugged. “He isn’t answering my messages, either,” he said. Woojin, as he had told Minho, had actually not seen Chan for almost a week now, because Chan was busy and Woojin was also pretty busy and their schedules just never really matched.

“You miss him?” Minho asked.

“Well, Minho, that also tends to happen when you  _ actually _ love someone.”

“So you love him?”

Woojin looked genuinely offended. “What kind of question is that?”

“Hyung, do you think I love Jisung?”

“Again, what kind of question is that?”

Minho sighed. “I don’t know. I--.”

“Hold on,” Woojin interrupted, already getting up from his seat. “Channie’s calling.”

Minho watched the older’s frame disappear into the kitchen, leaving him alone, with his thoughts and feelings-- something he found he wasn’t very fond of anymore. It was crazy how much could change in just a few months, he thought. It was crazy, indeed, how he thought he fell in love in just a few months.

The truth, though, was that he wasn’t entirely sure what love was supposed to feel--or to look like, for that matter. He knew what love  _ wasn’t _ supposed to look like, though; his parents were quite the example.

But what was love really supposed to be like?

Was it supposed to be like Felix and Changbin, where Felix sometimes seemed to be too much and Changbin, too little? Minho didn’t think he and Jisung were like that; he thought both of them were neither too much nor too little, he thought they matched well.

Was it supposed to be like Hyunjin and Seungmin, who had known each other for years but had actually kept a few secrets from each other for a long time, just accidentally revealing them recently when Seungmin almost fell apart and took Hyunjin with him? Minho didn’t keep secrets from Jisung. Hell, he even told the younger about his brother, a story which he’d literally kept to himself until Jisung came.

Was it supposed to be like Woojin and Chan, who both valued their time alone and seemed very secure as individuals, too, but had busy schedules that sometimes didn’t allow them to even see each other? Minho had barely spent time alone ever since he’d started going out with Jisung. He’d already grown so used Jisung’s presence now that he could barely stand not talking to the younger for twenty-four hours.

Minho felt like he really had no idea how this kind of love was supposed to feel. For most of his life, he had never really felt strong feelings towards anyone. But then Hyunjin and Felix happened. And then Seungmin. And then Jeongin. And now Jisung; and with Jisung came his three friends, too. To Minho, that was a lot of people to  _ suddenly _ care about, and it wasn’t exactly easy to cope and adjust. For instance, although he really was sure he loved them all the same way he loved his brother, he wasn’t entirely sure how to tell them, because for most his life he had no one to tell that he loved them. People said it was  _ easier _ to just show people that you loved them, and truthfully Minho wasn’t too sure he agreed to that, but he guessed it made sense because it made things less awkward. But he thought he didn’t purposely show people love; he thought he just did what he normally did, and maybe that just unconsciously translated itself into expressions of fondness towards other people.

This somehow brought his thoughts back to Jisung, to how he’d told the younger that he thought he loved him, to how just the next hour Jisung had just immediately gone back to acting like Minho didn’t even say anything, to how Jisung was now mad at him for agreeing that couples breaking up was definitely a normal thing that occurred and now Jisung won’t talk to him because of that.

These thoughts were already gradually frustrating Minho, when  _ thankfully _ , Woojin walked back into the living room, cutting Minho from his thoughts of mostly Jisung.

“I’m heading out,” the older announced. “Chan’s at some cafe. You wanna come?”

“Right now?” Minho confirmed. “It’s, like, two in the morning.”

“So?”

“Shouldn’t he be sleeping at home, not doing shit at some cafe?”

The older sighed. “I know. That’s why I’m going there, so I could bring him home, so he could sleep.”

“Wow. And I thought he took good care of  _ your kids _ .”

“He does, actually; he just doesn’t take care of himself that well,” Woojin corrected him. “So, you coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll drive.”

 

If love was supposed to be going to wherever place his boyfriend was, in the middle of a cold night, just to bring said boyfriend back home so he could take care of him, then maybe Minho was now sure that he was, in fact, in love; because, as cheesy as it might sound, he was sure that if Jisung ever called him in the middle of the night and said that he wanted Minho to come to wherever he was at the moment, Minho would literally drive all night to go anywhere, just as long as he would get to see Jisung and make sure he was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! literally thank you so much for still reading!!! really sorry for the late update ashshhd hope this wasnt too disappointing! chapter title from james dean and audrey hepburn by sleeping w sirens HEHE. also, talk to me [anonymously](http://www.curiouscat.me/straychz) if u want maybe


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO OH MY GOD THIS TOOK TOO LONG I AM VERY SORRY ITS PROBABLY GONNA BE DISAPPOINTING AND UNDERWHELMING BUT I HOPE U STILL READ IT THANK U  
> **i edited the previous chapters, so ig its imptnt to note that there might be some changes in like their ages or smth.

The last time Jisung had been  _ this _ upset at any of his friends was back in high school; he remembered that it was because Changbin had thrown out his newly bought pack of cigarettes, and he also remembered having this very strong urge to throw away one of Changbin’s  _ Munchlax  _ dolls to get back at him, which he had of course decided against at the end. This also reminded him, he’d recently bought Changbin one some days ago, while he was out with Minho.

_ Minho _ . 

Jisung hadn’t talked to Minho in a while. This was the first time he’d ever been upset at Minho, too, and he wasn’t really sure how to handle this situation.

See, Jisung didn’t usually get upset at people; he liked to consider himself an understanding person, although he must admit that sometimes it took him a longer time to notice some things that were going on, making it rather hard for him to understand said things and the people involved. And maybe that was what happened with Changbin and Felix. Maybe Jisung just didn’t notice how uneven, how unbalanced their relationship actually was, because he really thought they were happy.

But even if they weren’t happy, Changbin shouldn’t have broken up with Felix. Jisung was sure his friends could’ve worked it out, talked about it or something.  _ Something. _ They could’ve at least done something about it. Instead, they broke up. Like his parents. And now it was giving him flashbacks of how things had all just gone downhill from there. 

The worst part, Jisung thought, was Minho actually agreeing with Changbin and Felix’s decision. “It happens, Jisung,” Minho had told him over the phone the last time they’d talked, and Jisung couldn’t believe what he had heard at that time. If Minho believed it was something that just really happened between couples, then maybe Minho also thought it would happen to them, too-- Jisung wasn’t too keen on this idea.

“You shouldn’t be mad at them, Jisungie,” Felix said with a sigh. He knew very well that Jisung hadn’t been talking to Minho and Changbin for the past few days because of what happened, mainly because Jisung had also been crashing at Felix’s place for the past few days too. Felix, along with Woojin and Chan, had also been very clear about how they thought Jisung was overreacting to the situation. “This isn’t like you, you know?” Felix continued. “You’re never like this. You’re never mad at people.”

“I’m upset, Felix, not mad,” Jisung explained. “Just let me be upset.”

“No, Jisung, I won’t let you be upset anymore, okay? You’ve been upset for  _ days _ . I’m already leaving for Australia tomorrow.”

“I’m gonna stop being upset tomorrow,” he promised.

“The fuck you are,” Felix said, flicking Jisung on the forehead.

“Ow!” exclaimed Jisung as he swatted the other’s small hand away and rubbed his forehead.

“Look,” Felix sighed. “I know you’re sad, but I just really can’t stand you moping around and not talking to your friends because of me.”

That was when Jisung finally caved. “I know,” he breathed out. “I’m sorry.” And he meant it, because deep inside he knew he was being irrational and too emotional and also unfair to his friends, because it was  _ their _ choice to make and not his, and if they thought that it was what was best for them, then he should just be supportive. 

He wasn’t sure what broke his resolve, either. Maybe it was Felix’s voice just sounding tired and done with dealing with the situation this way; after all, it had almost been a week. And Felix was a happy person, definitely kinder and nicer and a lot more understanding than Jisung could ever even imagine being—and maybe that was the reason he initially gravitated towards the other; he liked how contagious Felix’s smile and warmth and happiness was. And maybe that particular moment, sitting on Felix’s bed and hearing how tired he seemed, was when Jisung realized that his friend’s unhappiness wasn’t caused by Changbin breaking up with him, but because two of the most important people in his life weren’t on great terms, and Jisung knew it was his fault.

“Jisungie,” Felix took his hand and gave it a tight squeeze, “it was a decision I made, too. I  _ did _ have a choice, and I chose this.”

“Did you ever get to tell him?” Jisung asked quietly, and Felix smiled at him with that bright, warm smile he had come to love.

“Yes,” Felix said.

And just like that, Jisung felt like Felix was once again back to his bright, bubbly self. It was like the sun was back again, ready to share warmth and light to the people who needed it. Jisung definitely needed it.

“So, what are we doing today?” Felix asked, reminding Jisung that they were supposed to spend the whole day together along with Seungmin and Hyunjin. Jeongin couldn’t come because he was back at his parents’ place and staying there for a while. Minho was invited to hang out, too, but luckily for Jisung the older was going to be out the whole day with Woojin. At least, he still had a few more hours before he needed to confront the situation with Minho.

Right now, though, Jisung was going to make sure Felix had fun before leaving for Australia the next day. How he was going to do that, he still didn’t know; and so, naturally, as he had learned to do so in the few months of hanging out with Minho’s friends, he gave Felix the most logical answer, “Let’s ask Seungmin.”

 

The first thing they ended up doing was getting brunch at a certain cafe, one Jisung had now often visited with Minho. 

“Jisungie!” Eunha greeted, immediately putting down whatever it was she was holding and walking over to him and his friends. “Oh, you guys are here, too. It’s nice to see you again.”

“You, too,” Felix answered with his bright smile; the other two did the same, and Jisung was a little confused.

“Hold up,” Jisung said, holding up both hands for dramatic flare. “You’ve been here before?”

“Yeah,” answered Seungmin. “With Minho-hyung.”

“And Jeonginnie,” Hyunjin added.

“Oh.” Jisung didn’t know that, but he guessed now it made so much sense that Hyunjin knew how to get to the cafe. He’d thought they just used some navigation app or something. 

“Right. Jeonginnie, the cute little kid,” Eunha said with a smile. “Where is he?”

“He’s in Busan right now,” Seungmin replied apologetically. “I miss him, too.”

“Oh,” Eunha nodded, pouting. She then turned to Jisung and asked, “What about Minho?”

“Uh…” Jisung started, a little awkwardly. “He’s out with Woojin-hyung, I think.”

“Right.” She nodded again and smiled. “You guys go find a seat now, I’ll ask someone to attend to you in a sec.” She gave them one last smile and left, probably to continue whatever it was she was supposed to do before they arrived.

 

Brunch had been great, as Jisung found that it always was whenever he ate at Eunha’s cafe  _ and _ whenever he ate with his friends. It had been slightly awkward, though, because of the mentions of Minho and the fact Jisung hadn’t talked to him again yet. He couldn’t help but feel a little nostalgic, too, because to him it seemed so long ago even since they’d first chanced upon this cafe when in reality it had only really been a few months, but he tried not to think about it--about  _ him _ \--much, because today was supposed to be spent making sure Felix left Korea happy and with a huge, contagious smile on his freckled face.

“Where are we going?” Felix excitedly asked. He and Jisung were seated in the backseat of Hyunjin’s car, while the other two were in front. They were now back on the road, stomachs and hearts full because of good food and even better company. 

“Amusement park!” Hyunjin answered; he stole a glance at Seungmin. “Since this time it’s pretty early, so we could try a lot of rides.”

Jisung smiled, remembering the very first time he’d hung out with this group; Jeongin was with them then, too, and he’d been the one who suggested going to the amusement park that day, even though ultimately they’d ended up going to the skating rink instead because it was already pretty late. This time, thankfully, it was only a little past noon, and they still had plenty of time to spare.

The amusement park they went to was the same one Jisung had once gone to with Minho, back when they first started going out. He almost half-expected Minho to suddenly show up, run towards him and wrap him in his arms -- but Minho wasn’t there, of course; silly of Jisung to think that. He couldn't help it, though; he really did miss the older.

Going to the amusement park with the three, Jisung found, was a lot more tiring than it had been when he went with Minho, mainly because Hyunjin and Seungmin enjoyed the rides way too much. Jisung had a theory that Seungmin actually enjoyed hearing him and Felix scream and shout more than he actually enjoyed the rides. In the end, though, it was still a great time. Jisung and Felix almost lost their voices from too much shouting, while Hyunjin and Seungmin almost attracted all the ants of South Korea by being too sweet and cuddly and big with the PDA the whole time (especially during the Ferris Wheel ride, and it just made Jisung miss Minho even more but he didn’t let himself dwell on that).

“Hey,” Felix nudged Jisung’s knee with his own. “You still okay?”

Jisung smiled at him. “Yeah,” he answered. “Just… Last time I was here, I was with Minho-hyung.”

“Oh. Last time I was here, I was with Changbin-hyung, too.”

“Really?”

“No,” Felix admitted, laughing. Jisung rolled his eyes but ended up laughing with his friend, anyway. The two of them were alone in one passenger cart, while the other two were in a different one. “We  _ did _ go to an amusement park a few times, though,” continued Felix. “Just not this one. It’s my first time here.”

Jisung looked at his friend, wondered how he was able to still talk about Changbin and their memories together fondly, with stars in his eyes, like he didn’t just break down in tears a week or so ago. 

“Is there something on my face?” Felix asked.

“You really love Changbin-hyung, don’t you?” Jisung blurted out, unable to stop himself. He knew he shouldn’t be bringing this up while they were supposed to be having fun, but he just really felt the need to say it.

“I guess,” answered Felix, looking away. 

“You’re not even mad at him-- hell, I’m the only one who’s mad, aren’t I?”

Felix chuckled. “Seungminnie was pretty mad at first,” he said. “He got over it quickly, though.”

Jisung sighed. The more he thought about the others’ reactions towards the situation, the more he realized how childish it was of him to get mad at Minho and Changbin. So he didn’t say anything; Felix understood him, anyway, and the two of them sat in comfortable silence as their cart went feet and feet above the ground until it stopped on the top.

He looked around, and down through the window; they were high up now, and Jisung thought about how Minho would be closing his eyes by now-- or how he would be focusing on Jisung instead. Jisung also remembered that this was where he’d first kissed Minho. The thought brought warmth and color to his face; he could still remember it clearly, how Minho had been so stiff at first, and how he’d eased into it the second time. Jisung shook his head, partly to rid his mind of the scene that kept on playing in his head and partly because he’d already accepted the fact that everything he saw just screamed  _ MINHO!  _ at his face.

“Hyung’s always asking how you’re doing, you know?” Felix suddenly said, and Jisung couldn’t help but smile because yes, he thought he  _ did _ know that Minho would be asking how he was. “He doesn’t ask if you’re still mad or not, he just always asks how you’re doing.” Just as their cart started moving down again, Felix added, “That’s why I think you should make up. I’ll be flying to Australia tomorrow, I won’t be able to send him updates about you.”

“You won’t have to, Felix,” Jisung assured him. “Don’t worry.”

“Great! You should be sending me updates about the two of you instead.”

“Will do.”

 

Jisung guessed the goal for today was to make them lose their voices and for Felix to fly to Australia with a sore throat, because after tiring themselves out and screaming at the top of their lungs in rides at the amusement park, they’d gone for cold boba tea and snacks, and now they were bound for Hyunjin and Seungmin’s favorite noraebang place.

“We’re really going there?” asked Felix. He seemed to be jumping up and down in his seat, today’s events not seeming to have dwindled his excitement and energy down, even though his voice already sounded a little hoarse.

Seungmin nodded. “But if you guys are tired or your throats hurt, we can just go home.”

“We  _ can’t  _ go home yet,” Felix said. “It’s not even dark yet! Jisungie wants to watch a late-night movie, too!”

“Yeah,” Jisung agreed; he’d really been wanting to catch a late-night movie screening since he’d become an adult, he just hadn’t gotten to actually doing it because he’d been pretty busy the whole year. Although, when he thought about it, he couldn’t recall what exactly he’d been busy with; all that registered in Jisung’s brain now were the past few months spent with Minho. Now that the remembered, too, he was actually supposed to ask Minho to go, since they were on a break from uni, but that wasn’t looking too promising as of the moment.

He didn’t know how long he’d been lost in thought when Felix’s deep voice finally brought him back to the present. “Jisungie,” said Felix. “You okay?”

“Of course,” he replied cheerfully. “Why?”

“Jisung-hyung!” Jeongin’s face suddenly appeared, slightly pixelated, through Seungmin’s phone.

“Jeonginnie!” Jisung exclaimed. He hadn’t seen the younger in more than a week, and he really was excited to talk to him again.

“Hyung, I saw the photo Seungmin-hyung sent me earlier today. You looked really funny.”

“What? Wait, what photo?” 

“That doesn’t matter,” Seungmin replied.

“Jeonginnie, how are you?” Felix said. “You look bloated. But cute.”

“I know. Mom cooks a lot of food,” Jeongin explains. “There’s a lot of good food here that they don’t have there in Seoul, you know?”

“I heard so,” Jisung replied. “You should take us there to eat!”

“Sure, someday. Oh, I gotta go now,” the younger said. “Mom’s calling me for dinner. I’ll see you all soon!”

A chorus of noisy “Bye, Jeonginnie!” “Wish you were here!” “See you soon!” ensued until the phone call was ended and the car slowly came to a halt.

“We’re here,” Hyunjin announced.

 

By the time Jisung arrived home, it was already half past midnight. They’d dropped Felix off at his apartment after having snacks at a fastfood chain near the cinemas, where they’d gone to after singing their hearts out at the noraebang place. Jisung felt really tired, but he was happy nonetheless. 

“Thanks for the ride,” he told Seungmin and Hyunjin as he climbed out of the car; his voice was a little hoarse and his throat hurt slightly. “And thanks for today, too!”

“We had a lot of fun!” said Hyunjin. “Thanks, too.”

“What time are you guys picking Felix up tomorrow?” Jisung asked. 

“Oh, we’re  _ not _ ,” Hyunjin answered. “We have somewhere to go--.”

“We’re gonna go see my parents,” Seungmin interjected.

“Yeah, that.”

“Oh,” Jisung said. “That’s good… Right?” 

Seungmin let out a sigh. “I hope so,” he said. And then Hyunjin took his hand and smiled at him.

“It’s gonna be fine,” he assured him. “I’m here, yeah? We’re gonna be fine.”

Jisung cleared his throat. “Right,” he announced. “Guess Felix and I are gonna have to take a cab tomorrow, then.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” Seungmin said with a smile. “Minho-hyung’s gonna take him to the airport.”

“He is?”

“That’s what Felix told us,” Hyunjin shrugged. “Anyway, we’ll be going now, Jisungie. Bye!”

“Drive safe.” He waved his hand and watched as Hyunjin rolled up his tinted window, obscuring Seungmin’s waving hand from view in the process, and drove off into the night. And then Jisung  _ finally  _ headed in.

Once inside the house, he found Changbin sitting in the living room, reading a magazine that was surely at least three years outdated, which the older had also immediately discarded the moment he noticed Jisung.

“Hey—oh my god, you finally came home,” he greeted with a big smile, and, despite everything, Jisung couldn’t help but smile back at him. Changbin had always been a constant presence in Jiusng’s life, for as long as he could remember, and he was sure that he’d also been a constant in the other’s life, too. If anyone were to understand Changbin the most at this time, it would be Jisung. Or Chan. Or Woojin. But only Jisung was here so Changbin would have to take what he could get. The older didn’t seem to have a problem with that, anyway, judging by the way he wrapped Jisung in a hug—something he rarely ever did. Jisung guessed he really did miss him.

“I’m still mad at you, you know?” he told Changbin while they were hugging it out. 

Changbin snorted. “I figured,” he said. “But at least you came home, so I guess that’s progress.”

“You’re overreacting, hyung. It’s not like I haven’t run away before.”

“Yeah, but that was different,” the older pointed out. “It wasn’t because you were mad at me or Chan-hyung.”

Jisung sighed. What Changbin said was true, and it made him feel guilty for not going home the entire week; his friends must have been really worried, he thought, but then again, his other friends had surely been keeping them updated, anyway, just like Felix had been keeping Minho updated on how Jisung was doing. Still, this didn’t exactly vindicate Jisung’s actions.

“Sorry,” Jisung said,  _ finally _ . Changbin seemed surprised, which was understandable because, although they rarely had misunderstandings, it was even rarer for Jisung to be the one to apologize first. “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.”

“Are you okay? Are you sick?” Changbin teased, even raising the back of his hand to Jisung’s forehead, making the latter scowl as he swatted the older’s hand away.

“Shut up.”

“I’m sorry, too, you know? I should’ve realized you’d be this affected. But Felix and I are okay,  _ really _ , so I hope you and I are okay now, too?”

“I know, hyung,” Jisung replied. “And yes, we  _ are _ okay, don’t worry.” He  _ did _ understand why his friends made their decision and, although he still wasn’t entirely sure how  _ needing space _ was supposed to equate to  _ breaking up _ , he’d decided to just trust in their judgement instead. Right now, what he needed to do was to offer support to both of his friends, and just wish for the best for the both of them.

“Right.” 

“Felix is leaving tomorrow, did you know?”

“Yes, actually; Minho-hyung told me.”

“Oh.”

“Have you two talked yet?”

“No.”

“Why?” Changbin asked, seeming genuinely confused as he picked his magazine back up and sat on the couch. “He’s been trying to call you.”

Jisung sat down, too, leaned his head back, and closed his eyes. He’d been contemplating whether he should call Minho or not, tell him he’s sorry and that he badly wanted to see him already. The whole day had been so tiring yet so fun, and he’d wanted more than anything to tell Minho everything about today, but Jisung ultimately decided against it.

“I’m gonna call him back tomorrow,” he told Changbin without opening his eyes. “I’m pretty tired. He’s probably asleep, too.”

Before Changbin could say anything else, someone suddenly walked into the living room, saying, “He still hasn’t called me back, Changbin, I swear—.” 

Jisung’s eyes shot open.

“He doesn’t have to,” Changbin answered the person who walked in, an annoying smirk plastered on his face.

“Hey,” Minho exhaled. He was standing a few feet behind the couch, and Jisung turned around to see him.

“Hyung,” he greeted back, finally standing up. “Hey.”

“I’m excusing myself,” muttered Changbin before hurriedly getting up from the couch and exiting the scene, leaving Jisung alone with the older, feeling slightly awkward because he knew he’d been unfair and a little too petty the past few days. 

“Hey,” Minho said again. He was walking slowly towards Jisung now, and Jisung had to avert his eyes because for some reason Minho walking towards him after days of literally no contact was doing things to his heart. But now Minho was in front of him and Minho’s hand was on his cheek and he couldn’t help but lean into the touch, especially when Minho whispered in his ear the very words he himself wanted to say, “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” Jisung replied, wrapping his arms around Minho’s waist, hugging him tight, making sure that Minho knew he missed him a lot, too, and that maybe, he was scared Minho would run away, too.

“Are we okay?” asked Minho after a few minutes.

“Of course, we are,” answered Jisung, face still buried in the crook of Minho’s neck.

“Sure? You haven’t been talking to me this entire week.”

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have been mad at you.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have.”

“Hyung, I’m apologizing,” Jisung whined, finally looking at Minho, pouting.

“I know,” answered Minho. “You’re cute.”

“Minho-hyung--.”

“You’re forgiven,” the older cut him off.

Then Minho kissed him, slowly, on the lips, and Jisung let himself be lost in the bliss of feeling Minho’s lips against his after a long time. It felt good, nice, right--maybe he’d even say  _ perfect _ ; everything about Minho seemed perfect, anyway. The way Minho’s lips felt like they were made to fit Jisung’s (or maybe it was the other way around). The way his fingers carefully ran through Jisung’s hair. The way he wrapped an arm around Jisung’s waist and led him to the couch, where the former sat down while Jisung straddled him.

Jisung kissed Minho less carefully, though, and with every smack of the lips, every movement of their tongues against each others, every contented sigh, Jisung felt himself wanting more. He wanted to just melt into Minho, to be so close to him that no one could ever take him away. With every kiss, Jisung wanted to convey his apology, care, fondness, thankfulness, love.

“Yo!” Chan’s voice suddenly sounded across the living room, and Jisung almost bit Minho on the lip. He immediately buried his face in the crook of Minho’s neck, trying to hide how red his face had become, while the older just laughed and rubbed his back.

“Jisungie,” Woojin greeted. “Welcome home.” Jisung just grunted in response. 

“You guys hungry?” Chan asked. “We brought food.”

“Yeah. Where’s Changbin, by the way? Changbinnie!” 

“You called me?” Changbin said, suddenly emerging from his bedroom.

_ Great _ , Jisung thought,  _ all of them are here _ . 

“Jisungie,” Minho whispered. “Wanna  go somewhere?” Jisung nodded. “Okay.”

“I’m assuming you two have made up now?” Changbin commented.

“And I’m assuming you both aren’t hungry, either,” Chan added.

“Ye--,” Minho answered, but Jisung abruptly got up from his lap and exclaimed, “Yep! We were just leaving, actually.” 

Jisung pulled Minho, who was laughing, by the hand and dragged him outside the house without looking back. When they were finally outside and standing by Minho’s car, Jisung let go of his hand.

“Jisung--,” Minho started, but was cut off again by Jisung crashing their lips together, wrapping arms around him and pulling him close. “Fuck,” Minho breathed out when they pulled apart for air. “I really fucking missed you.”

Jisung just grinned at him widely and kissed him again one last time before asking, “So where are we going?”

 

With everything that he’d done today, Jisung thought he should be tired, but right now, sitting in the passenger’s seat of Minho’s car, singing along loudly to the songs that came on the radio even after almost losing his voice at the noraebang earlier that day, Jisung felt alive and awake. He guessed he had Minho to thank for that. He felt even more alive and awake when, during a red light, Minho suddenly handed him a set of keys, so casually as if he was just handing over a piece of paper, and for a few long minutes Jisung just stared at it, confused, until it finally clicked.

“You got a place?” he exclaimed, eyes wide open and darting from the set of keys he was holding to Minho’s smiling face then back to the keys. “Oh my god, what? When?”

“Today,” replied Minho. “It’s Woojin-hyung’s uncle’s old apartment. I’ve also been looking into jobs--actually, someone Hyunjinnie and I choreographed for once last year contacted me just the other day.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know, Jisungie. Maybe if you weren’t ignoring me the past week I could’ve told you.”

“God, I feel so bad,” Jisung said, running his hands through his already disheveled hair. “I’ve been ignoring you and all this time this was what you’ve been doing.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Minho assured him. “You were upset. I understand.”

“Here,” Jisung held out the keys for Minho to take back. “I can’t even look at you, god damn it. I’m so sorry.”

“They’re yours.”

“What?”

“The keys; they’re yours.”

Jisung finally turned to look at Minho.

“I mean, if you want it,” Minho added quietly, eyes still on the road. “It’s a really small apartment--nothing like Chan-hyung’s place or even Felix’s. But it’s…” A pause. “It’s  _ ours _ .” Another, longer pause. “If you want it to be.”

Minho was asking him to move in. 

“Are you fucking serious?” was all Jisung could say. He was still holding the keys in his hand, staring at the glinting pieces of metal that somehow, now, meant so much to him and his future. “Hyung, are you serious?” he asked again, this time louder. “Because I’m never giving these back if you tell me you’re really serious about this.”

Minho’s face broke into a huge smile. “I am.”

After a while, Jisung finally tore his gaze from the set of keys, and, as if only remembering, he asked slowly. “Hyung, do your parents know?”

“Yeah,” Minho answered simply, and Jisung was thankful at how casual the tone was. Normally, Minho’s family wasn’t a subject in their conversations, mainly because Jisung thought it was a sensitive matter to the older. “I talked to them,” Minho added.

“Who? Your parents?”

The older nodded. “I told them about graduating and moving out, about getting a job…” he trailed off, sighed, then glanced at Jisung. “I told them about you, too.”

“Oh,” Jisung muttered. He wasn’t sure whether to feel happy or worried about it. “What did they say?”

“They told me to do what I want.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I gave back my card, too, but I don’t think I can give this car back,” Minho said. Then, as if to himself, “I’m really gonna be on my own.”

They reached another red light when Jisung said, “Hyung.” Minho faced him. “You’re not gonna be on your own.”

 

“I thought you said you were full,” Minho teased.

They ended up just strolling in a busy part of the city, where a lot of people were still walking around as well, and they’d stopped for a while to watch a group of young people busking. Of course, walking around with Minho was never complete without Jisung asking the older to buy him food.

“Do you want some?” Jisung asked, raising his food for Minho to take a bite. It all still felt so natural, he thought, like they didn’t spend the past week not talking to each other, like everything was just back to normal--except, now Jisung thought his feelings for Minho had suddenly grown tenfold. 

It was when they’d gone back to walking around aimlessly, hand in hand, when Jisung asked Minho, “Hyung, do you know why I was so upset this past week?”

Minho glanced at him. “Because Felix and Changbin broke up?” he guessed.

“Yeah, partly.”

“Okay…” 

“More than that, I guess I was just worried that that’s really how you view relationships; like breaking up is bound to happen one way or another, because you kept on saying,  _ ‘Jisungie, it happens.’ _ ”

Minho stopped in his tracks, pulling Jisung’s hand and causing to stop in front of the older, too, who gently cupped his cheeks. “Jisungie, that’s not gonna happen to us,” Minho said. It was as if he knew what Jisung was thinking, like he understood where the younger was coming from; and Jisung believed he did.

“I know,” Jisung sighed. “I’m just scared, is all.”

“Why would you be--”

“Because I think I love you, too, and that’s some scary shit, okay?’

Jisung didn’t know how many times Minho had kissed him that night anymore, or how many times he’d kissed Minho, either. All he knew was that all these kisses weren’t enough to make up for the whole week they’d lost all because Jisung was scared and thought being petty and upset was the way to go. Even now, as Minho kissed him in the middle of a busy street, with people walking and passing them by, Jisung thought it still wasn’t enough to show just how much he missed Minho, how much he was actually scared to lose him, how much he  _ loved _ him.

And it really was scary, Jisung thought, because he’d seen his fair share of failed relationships. Buy maybe he really needed to see that in order to realize that he never wanted that to happen to him and Minho. And maybe he knew that it really wouldn’t happen to them, and he felt a little guilty because it had to happen to someone like Felix, or his parents, but as Minho had said,  _ it happens. _ Not every relationship was meant to last, but that didn’t mean that people weren’t happy, either; sometimes it meant people knew what they wanted, or knew what was better for them. 

Jisung now knew what he really wanted, and he would really like to believe  that  _ this _ was what was best for him, too.

“Minho-hyung,” Jisung breathed out. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Minho replied with a smile that reached his eyes and made them look like they’re sparkling. Jisung thought it made Minho look even more beautiful, and that maybe, on that one fateful night he first got to spend time with Minho and his friends, the moon had actually led Jisung home. 

 

Jisung woke up to an engine humming and the faint smell of coffee. For a few seconds before opening his eyes, he was a little confused, until he realized he was inside Minho’s car.  _ Oh. _ Then he remembered last  night--or, rather, a few hours ago, since it was still dark outside. He remembered going out with his friends, finally going home and seeing his best friends, and finally seeing Minho again--who was right beside him and adding cream to his coffee. Jisung also remembered Minho asking him to move in, and instinctively he reached inside his pocket to check if the keys were there of if he’d just dreamt everything; the keys were there, thankfully.

“Oh. You’re awake,” said Minho

Jisung turned to look at him and smile. He remembered telling Minho he loved him, and Minho saying it back to him. He remembered kissing until they were both gasping for air, until their lips hurt. He remembered falling asleep inside  Minho’s car, the smell of his  _ Febreze _ car vent clip oddly comforting and lulling, which was a little weird because Jisung felt like he even loved how the inside of Minho’s car smelled.

“Your face is prettier after waking up,” Minho told him. 

“Good morning to you, too,” Jisung said. “Did you get me coffee?”

“No. We can share this; I put cream.”

“Thanks.” Jisung took the cup from Minho, wincing because it was hot and the older didn’t even warn him, which Jisung guessed was intentional because of the faint smirk playing on the older’s lips. “What time is it?”

Minho checked his watch. “Few minutes before four a.m.”

“What time are we picking Felix up?”

“ _ We _ ?” Minho raised a questioning eyebrow, and Jisung just nodded. “Around six.”

“Oh. We’re headed there now?”

“Not yet. There’s someone I’d like you to meet first.”

 

The air was  _ very _ chilly, and Jisung was thankful he’d left a coat in Minho’s car last week. The dark blue sky was starting to get tainted with a shade of orange--Minho’s favorite color, Jisung recalled. 

“Who are we meeting?” Jisung asked. He looked around and saw no one, and his scaredy ass was starting to get,  _ well _ , scared.

“You’ll see,” Minho answered.

A few more steps and Jisung finally realized where they were. “Oh,” he said softly, and from the corner of his eyes he saw Minho smiling.

 

They stopped in front of a gravestone that read  _ Lee Minki _ .

“Hyung,” Minho said. “This is Jisungie, the one I’ve been telling you about. He’s my boyfriend now. We’re also planning to move in. I know I promised you I won’t do anything you didn’t get to do while you were alive, but... I’m choosing to be happy now, hyung. I hope you won’t get mad.”

Jisung wrapped his arms around Minho’s waist, rested his head against the older’s shoulder. “Minki-hyung,” he said, eyes directed to the grave. “I don’t know what Minho-hyung told you about me, but I hope they’re good things. Thank you for making him strong, because that helped everyone around him, including me. I hope you’re fine with me dating your baby brother, Minki-hyung! He’s the best thing that ever happened to me, and I love him a lot. I’ll take care of him, don’t worry.”

Minho planted a kiss on the top of Jisung’s head and spoke again. “Hyung, Jisungie’s helped me a lot, you know? You probably wouldn’t like him that much, he’s very noisy and annoying--ow!” Jisung pinched his side. “You’re supposed to make my brother like you!” Minho told him.

“Minki-hyung, sorry.”

“Anyway, hyung…” Minho’s smile was fond when he said, “I love him, too.”

 

***

 

Relieved, that was how Minho felt as he and Jisung walked back to his car. He felt light, too, like a weight had just been lifted from his back and chest. He’d finally let go of things from his past, and had decided to hold on to things from the present, letting them drag him to the future. He felt like so much had happened just these few months, yet none of those could justify the way Minho’s heart just wanted to explode out of happiness and excitement for what was in store for the future.

The future, Minho thought, was filled with  _ more _ things he could look forward to-- no more same old things, no more boring routine to keep himself going, no more keeping to himself and bottling up emotions. 

He looked at Jisung, walking in front of him and pulling by the hand. Jisung, bright and warm against the coldness of the world, cheerful and light despite a far from perfect life. 

“Jisungie,” Minho called, and his heart still constricted at the sight of the younger looking back at him with a smile on his face. “I love you,” Minho said. Jisung’s smile grew wider, showing his crooked front teeth and making his eyes disappear. Minho had  _ this _ to look forward to everyday, and he was so thankful for it, for everything. 

The future was filled with love, friends, and Han Jisung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again! firstly, if uve read through everything until here, THANK U SO MUCH!!!  
> i feel like theres so much i wanted to say abt this but ive forgotten everything??? honestly just want to thank everyone whos ever left me kudos and comments bc they really mean a lot and i really appreciate them. :( this entire fic had been a ride, and ngl ive thought abt just completely abandoning this and/or deleting this, but hey we got thru it! i hope this chapter was able to give closure to the amount of shit that happened in the previous ones, and i hope it wasnt too disappointing either. if there are things that werent given closure, or things that werent entirely clear, pls tell me so!  
> also idk but id just like to note that when i started writing this i wasnt in a very good place and well,,, i still am not in that good of a place but im def feeling better now and i just also want to thank those who had wished me well while i was writing. writing this had been a mostly cathartic experience, and im glad i got to have that.  
> AGAIN, THANK U SO MUCH FOR EVEN TAKING TIME TO READ THIS SHIT AAAAAH ILY  
> talk to me on [curiouscat](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz) if u want maybe thank s again!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!  
> [talk to me anonymously](https://www.curiouscat.me/straychz) if u want maybe  
> 


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